Dinner for One, Please

Most of you know (or should know?) that I am single.

I like being single - most of the time. Basically the only time I don't like being single is when I'm talking to someone and the subject comes up, for the first time, and they suddenly look at me differently. Like something must be wrong with me if I'm single. It's like they're thinking Well, she looks normal but something must be wrong because she is single. When their heads tilt to the side and they look me up and down, I know they're thinking I. just. can't. figure. out. what's. wrong. with. her. though.

For the most part I don't let that get to me, but occasionally it does. Like when it's time for a company function. I quit going to those. Of course, I don't particularly want to spend my free time with the people I work with so I don't necessarily consider that a sacrifice.

Then there's married. I've been married - once, for 8 years. I've never been more unhappy in my life. I realize that (being so unhappy in marriage, that is) puts a slant on things for me but I see my married friends and see them going through things I did and it makes me nuts. Like a hot button for me. For example, I'm going out with some friends tomorrow night...a ladies night out. Being single, I can do that with no problem.

One of my friends had to get permission from her husband to go. She had to see if he would be willing to "babysit" the kids. First of all, why is it watching the kids when she does it but babysitting (aka a chore) when he does it? Those are his kids too and some quality time between him and the kids would be good. It was all I could do not to say what I thought about that. But I digress.

Anyway, I remember the days when I had to ask permission to go out with the girls (we didn't even have kids to watch). It was rarely granted and I could never take our only car. He would either drop me off or tell me someone would have to pick me up...when it was "allowed". Meanwhile they (men) might call from work and announce they're going out with the guys. No permission requested and look out if you suggest it's not a good idea! My ex would let me know he was going out and also that he intended to be driving because he couldn't go out without a car.

Don't get me wrong, I know not all men or all relationships are like what I just described but I believe the majority of them are. Finding one (a man) not like that is rare. Finding one that is also single and available is even rarer.

I'm not opposed to being in a serious relationship, or even being married for that matter, but I have no desire to be in a relationship that is one-sided. So, until such time that I meet the perfect man for me, I'm happy being single.

Check please.