I've been reading the responses to my last entry and I started to respond and I realized that my response was more than a "comment"...it was its own blog entry - well, I think so anyway.
It started as a question of how it would impact a relationship if the woman made more than the man. The words "moocher" and "loser" came up. Exactly the words that came to my mind.
Then I started thinking...what about all the women who are stay at home wives and mothers? In fact, if I were married right now, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be working - in an office at least. I might be working full time on that first chapter of the book I keep re-writing (over and over and over again - most authors look forward to writing "the end"...I look forward to writing "chapter two", but I digress). I know that when I was married, I didn't work - by choice - a lot of the time. I figured I had "options" and I'd opted not to work - I wanted to be a housewife. My husband had no such options (except when his father was dying and I was the sole support for the better part of a year and a half - but I never had any misgivings about that, then or now).
Fact is, we live in a society that looks down on men who don't work, whether by choice or not. Women, on the other hand, have options. Those options are the only thing that make me think I might consider getting married again. But again, I wouldn't consider that my husband had the same options. Not only would he need to work, he'd need to make no less than I make because he'd have to be able to support me in the manner that I could support myself. And if he wanted to be able to do anything at all - ever - he'd need to make more than that so he could do things too. That's just how it is.
And our society supports that. Would a woman be referred to as moocher or a loser if she opted not to work? Probably not. Is it fair? I'd say no. Would I still quit my job if I were married?
In a heartbeat!
4 comments:
Interesting point of view, BUT a stay-at-home mother (which I'm not, I'd be in jail if I did) does work, and I'd say she works a hellava lot harder than her husband who goes to a workplace with people who for the most part act in a mature manner. *grin*
While society has had the POV that a man should work and a woman stay at home, it's important to note that it was the MEN who set it up that way! *gasp* *grin* They're the ones who've been in control for centuries, and the double standard has been more in their favor than for women, soooo I don't see it as a double standard at all.
In truth, what I see when I see ANYONE not working, man or woman, is someone who's too damn lazy to think do for themselves other than to suck others dry. There are just as many women as there are men who do this sort of thing.
When I'm able to afford to stay home and write full-time, I know I'll have EARNED that right because currently I work a full-time day job and I work full-time job as a writer and whatever little hours are left, I'm a wife and mother. My family does get shortchanged, but then I'm in this to be successful money wise. We all know that, especially the girls because they want Mom and Dad to pay for college, those moochers. *grin*
So my family accepts the sacrifices we ALL make. Besides, I'm looking forward to the day when I can tell the DH, honey, if you want to quit work, just do it. We've got enough money to live on through my books and still allow you to play golf. He's not gonna have any problem with that at all. He's already said so. Besides, there's too much Tim Taylor work around the house for him to do. LOL
Great post, and obviously got me chatting!
You make some good points. Something though, that I forgot to mention in the original post was, I knew a couple where the wife worked and the husband was a stay-at-home husband. He did all the cooking and cleaning and was darned good at it. The couple liked the arrangement - it worked well for them because they both got what they wanted from it. Yet the husband took a lot of flak about it because it of the macho, chest-beating male expectations...the man is supposed to support the wife, not the other way around.
And that's the point...if the woman stayed at home to cook and clean, society wouldn't say a thing about it - it's acceptable. But to have the husband stay home makes people wonder what's wrong with him.
Not really fair but that's how it works.
Oh, and I love it when people get chatty on my blog. :o)
Okay, I'll add more "chat." LOL.
I've done it both ways myself--worked full-time for 15 years, but then when I had the kids, became a stay-at-home mom. Monica is right, raising kids is more work than a full-time job! LOL.
For that reason, I have NO issues at all with stay-at-home dads either -- I know a couple of them, and I have no doubt they're working their butts off. My issues with men who don't work are the same with women who don't work: If they don't contribute in SOME way while the spouse is off working hard, it annoys me. But, if they're doing laundry, dishes, and other household chores, or raising kids, then it's cool. (Even when kids are in school, you're running them here and there after, along with being responsible for getting them ready, monitoring homework, etc.)
Conversely, if they're laying on the couch drinking beer and belching while the house falls down around them, then they expect the spouse to come home from work and cook them up a meal -- Loser. I guess this hits close to home from me, since my sister has married two such beasts. ARGH!
I always dreamed of being a housewife, with no pressures other than taking care of our house, husband and kids. But, I find it isn't in my nature to do ONLY that. So, once my kids were in school, even though I run our home business, I went back to school. Writing? I plan to do more of that too. My point is that what's right for one person might not work for another--find your own comfort zone.
If you can afford for the husband, wife, or both to be home--great! When I talk about moochers, I'm referring to people who don't contribute in some way (not even chores), but who put the burden of everything on their spouse, who's exhausted. If you're sick or something, then of course that's a different story.
Oh Ellen, you reminded me of something else! My nephew was born a month before I got married and I was going to watch him while my sister and brother-in-law worked. Well, the BIL lost his job but he wouldn't watch my nephew because "that was women's work". He also wouldn't clean up the house or cook. They had one car and he didn't think the man should be without a car so she had to carpool with someone to work, I watched my nephew and my BIL would call my sister at work, telling her to come home NOW because he was hungry and she needed to fix him dinner! Now, he WOULD work when he had a job but he didn't know how to look for one so all of the jobs he had after they were married were jobs family members helped him get.
And by the way, all this talk is helping me remember why I like being single. ;o)
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