Okay, I'm in a bit of a pissy mood so I want to do something to lighten things up, before I do (or say) something I will regret.
Having said that, I've been talking to a lot of men I work with, who happen to be married (and some that are not, actually), of their ideas about the wife's role (and theirs too, in some cases) in their marriage. And then I've been "ranking" them based on my idea of a good husband.
Husband number one said his wife was a stay-at-home wife because he "liked her to take care of things so he didn't have to deal with them." This could mean a lot of things but just on face value, I ranked him kinda low.
Husband number two said that his wife worked part-time, sort of. She does free-lance writing for the newspaper and also sells articles to magazines. I thought this was pretty cool until he told me that she spends too much time on it and it interferes with "family time" because he's "spoiled" and wants her to be available to him at all times. He was serious. He also made husband number one look a lot better.
Husband number three, whose wife works, said he shares responsibilities with his wife. He does most (if not all) of the cooking. I asked him if his wife was a stay-at-home wife if that would still be the case. He said it would be because he likes to cook. Move to the head of the class.
Husband number four is the husband from last weekend. The one who had his wife lifting heavy furniture one month after giving birth saying "it's okay, she's strong." Made husband number one look better but may or may not make husband number two look better. They may very well be even.
Husband number five transferred in from Singapore last December. He'd been here a couple of months before his wife was able to join him and shortly before she arrived he said - and I quote - "I can't wait for my wife to get down here, the laundry's really piling up." All I could think was she was one lucky woman...NOT! Pretty low on the list.
Then there were the husbands-to-be...not that they're engaged or even dating or anything, they will just be probably be married some day, unfortunately. Husband-to-be number one said he used to have a maid. He called her "mom". Then he went on to tell me that him and his roommate are somewhat "messy" individuals and tend to wait for the other to clean up. He considers it a great victory when his roommate gives in first. And there's some "lucky" woman out there that will commit her life to him someday.
The discussion with the other husband-to-be (number two) was more about kids than wives and involved husband number one. HTB#2 was in an accident last week (a ladder fell off a truck and hit his brand new - only driven twice - car dead on. he's okay but the car...not so much) and the three of us were talking about it. Husband number one said something about the car and I said something like, "this from the man who has more pictures of his car in his office than of his kids". HTB#2 said, "yeah, but it's a really cool car." They both lost points on that one.
Of course, this is all subjective and means nothing - for a lot of reasons (not to mention it was all done in fun). One, it's just my opinion. Two, what difference does my opinion make if I'm not the wife?
But it also made me wonder what other people think makes a good spouse? (Husband's opinions welcome too.) What things does your significant other do that makes you overlook the things that make you crazy? And what do they do that make you crazy?
Inquiring minds want to know. ;-)
P.S. Pissy mood gone! (For now anyway :-) )
3 comments:
Husband number three sounds like the only decent one. LOL!
I think it's okay for a woman to do the more domestic duties if it's a mutual decision, and he does other things to make up for it. For instance, I hate doing the yard work (mowing, etc.). My husband does all that, feeds our 5 cats and dog (used to be two) every night, takes out the trash, and helps with the dishes and sometimes the cooking. I pretty much do the other cleaning and laundry that the kids don't do for their chores. But, and here's the important part, if I don't clean for a few days or the laundry builds up because I'm swamped, he never complains - he'll just pitch in and do it without saying anything. They're just the roles we've fallen into without really discussing it. The only thing I'd have him improve on, is that when I'm trying to get work done (like homework right now), he could help more with the kids. He tends to do his own thing and they come to me for stuff. Argh.
So, I guess I'd say that whatever roles and man and woman choose are fine, as long as it's a CHOICE and the man respects the woman and doesn't see her as his chattel.
I agree with Ellen. My husband does most of the cleaning, but he also does the finances and the yard work. I do the cooking, the grocery shopping, the laundry and most of the child care (he'd help with the kids but with his work schedule he's just not here that much). Personally, I'd love to be a stay-at-home mom and do it all but we also want to put our kids through college. :) My point is that good men are out there. It took me almost thirty years to find this one but I didn't give up. Also, I think it's up to us mom's to raise a better generation of son's. Just my 2 cents!
Oh I agree. It should definitely be something both parties agree to and respect.
When I got married...well, actually before I got married, my ex (let's call him "Ricky") and I discussed how things would be. I told him, in no uncertain terms, not to expect me to suddenly become Suzy Homemaker. That I wasn't going to change. See, my sisters both changed when they got married, waking up and fixing their hubbies breakfast and stuff. I told Ricky not to expect that from me. I might fix it, I might not...it was not a given.
Well, we left to go on our honeymoon a couple of days after we got married. We stayed at this resort that you're allowed to stay at by referral only. Thing was, we didn't know anyone there so we said we were friends of the "Jones'" or something like that, so they let us stay there. Seriously. We were scared to leave our room for fear of being found out. But anyway, because we didn't want to leave our room, we brought food items to fix...lots of sandwich stuff (we were young and poor). So, we'd been there a day or two when he says he's fixing himself a sandwich, would I like one too. I said that'd be nice, sure.
His whole attitude changed. He fixed the sandwiches but he seemed mad about something. I finally got him to tell me what was wrong and he said that when he'd asked me if I wanted him to make me a sandwich too, he expected me to offer to make them both. Apparently he hadn't believed everything I'd told him before we got married and thought the act of putting the ring on my finger would make me a stepford wife. And that mentality never really went away. Caused a lot of problems for our marriage because I never knew what it was he would be "expecting" next. It also marked the first time he would make me cry in our marriage...on our honeymoon.
Post a Comment