Melt Down

Lately I've felt like I've been so behind on everything. I've been walking around with this overwhelming feeling that I won't get everything done and that there's something important that I'm totally forgetting to do. And just let me be upfront right here and now...I HATE those feelings.

Anyway, school is finally winding down but that hasn't stopped the feelings. No, in fact, it's this big ol' reminder that I've left everything until the last minute.

For example, Thursday is the last day in my Shakespeare class. It's the day of the final and the day our portfolios are due. Now, all semester long I've said I was going to work on my portfolio as we went along. When that wasn't happening, I said I was going to catch up over spring break. But as you may recall, I didn't get to much I'd intended to over spring break. Then time kept creeping up and the end started getting closer and closer and I still wasn't doing anything.

All this putting things off came back to bite me in the rear this past week. See, we had a paper due this past Thursday. It was a comparison paper of two works we've read over the last half of the semester. (I chose to compare the villains of King Lear and Cymbeline.) I also had an exam in my government class on Wednesday. The plan was to work up the paper on Saturday and then study on Sunday of last weekend. Well, Saturday I was exhausted and after I went to the grocery store and took my dogs to the vet, I was wiped out and slept most of the afternoon. But I still had Sunday, right?

Who knew it would take all day Sunday to write a freakin' paper! When I was done, I sent an email to my instructor asking if we could meet one day after work for her input. She said we could meet Tuesday afternoon. Perfect! That meant that I could study on Monday AND Tuesday and then do any revisions on the paper Wednesday night, right?

Yeah, it should be so easy. I had also sent my paper off to a friend of mine who had a lot to say about my first paragraph. Don't get me wrong, she was right and I really appreciated the input. But that meant that Monday night I was reworking my paper. I did, however, take time to type up about half of my notes for the test on Wednesday. I figured I was still good though because I would have Tuesday evening to study for the exam still.

Then I met with the instructor. She liked the paper and said I was a good writer but she really wanted to challenge me and she basically asked me to rewrite everything except the thesis paragraph and the conclusion - essentially the entire paper...by Thursday! No pressure or anything. I told her my main concern with that was that I could rewrite it and be totally wrong in it and then submit something worse than I'd already given her. She said she'd take into consideration the work I put into it. Not greatly encouraging but it is something so I said okay.

I still planned to study Tuesday night but when I got home I started thinking that there would be no way I could rewrite an entire paper in one evening (Wednesday - after the test) so I worked on typing up the rest of the notes for the test during Dancing With The Stars (so hated to see Marlee go) because you don't have to devote all attention to the TV when it's elimination night and then turned my attention to the paper. I worked on it until about 10:30 and was really tired so decided to send the revisions to my instructor to see if I was at least on the right track of what she was hoping to see.

Oh, but what I forgot to mention was that Monday night/Tuesday morning, I woke up about 3:00 a.m. panicked that I wouldn't get everything done. I finally crawled out of bed around 4:00 a.m. and started working on my portfolio for the class because this weekend I need to prepare for the final and I wanted as much time available for that as possible. I worked on the portfolio for about two hours before I started getting ready for work, doing the questions for Julius Caesar and working on the questions for Measure for Measure. Then Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, I woke up around 2:00 a.m. I crawled out of bed around 3:00 a.m. and read over my notes a couple of times before work.

When I got to class that morning to take the test, I knew I was so screwed. This was the first section that I hadn't read the book materials before the test and the first section that I wasn't "getting" during the lectures. I also spent less time on reviewing my notes than I usually do. Regardless, I decided to give it my best shot. But I was so lost. I decided to make decisions as to what certain things meant and went with those "assumptions" throughout the test so that at least I'd be consistent with my answers. Turns out that might not have been the best idea. We reviewed several policies and theories and I paired a couple together and answered them based on the assumption I'd made only to find out that not only did they not mean the same thing, they were exact opposites. Yeah, so not good. Needless to say, this isn't going to be my best test score. In fact, I'm kind of dreading getting the grade back.

But back to the paper, I'd sent my revisions from the night before to the instructor to be sure I was doing the right thing. Her comment was that I was on the right track but... Doesn't matter what the "but" was, only that it meant more work was involved in what I was doing. Ugh!

I worked on the paper until 11:00 that night (Wednesday), sent it to a friend and then reworked it more at lunch before printing out what I ultimately submitted Thursday night. I have no idea if I gave the instructor what she wanted or if what I wrote was more than crap. But then I got to class and she handed out the study guide for this upcoming Thursday's final. I totally freaked out and had a meltdown, right there in the classroom. I got that overwhelming feeling like you can't breathe and came thisclose to breaking down crying - which I'm sure the lack of sleep had nothing to do with.

Anyway, I decided to take Friday off to relax and then spend the rest of the weekend working on the portfolio and final prep. I can do that, right? But then last night I decided to start on the questions again. I pulled up the last saved version of questions (each story is getting its own file). It was Julius Caesar. I was kind of confused because I was pretty sure I'd finished those that morning I woke up so early. But then I opened it up and only one and a half of the questions has been answered. I had a little panic attack. It didn't become a major, full-on panic attack until I realized that the question and answers in this file were to Measure for Measure. I'd used the template for Julius Caesar on Measure for Measure only, instead of doing a "save as" when I was done, I just saved OVER the file and all the work - the two hours worth of work - I'd done! Let's just say it was not pretty. And although you'd think that writing up the answers the second time around would be easier, it wasn't. And it didn't sit well to have to spend time redoing something I'd already done when time has been an issue for me lately. But I redid them last night and worked on Measure for Measure.

I finished those up this morning and am about half way through King Lear. Then I'll only have Cymbeline and the Sonnets to work through before I devote myself to the final exam prep.

I can do this...right?

Spotlight on...Laura Drewry

I first met Laura Drewry in Reno in 2005. It was at the Moonlight Madness event at RWA's National Conference. I was working the booth for my local chapter and Laura was hanging out with another writer, Jessica Trapp. Dawn Temple (whose book is now out but she'd just found out she'd sold right before the conference) was trying to take a picture with me and I didn't want my picture taken. Well, she put her arm around me and put her cheek up to mine and said something about what the photo would represent. This was about the time Laura was walking up and she overheard the comment. Let's just say the look on her face was priceless. I burst out laughing and the picture was snapped, and then I officially met Laura. I don't think she remembers it - and that's okay - but that's when I officially became a Laura Drewry stalker-fan. And I can't wait to stalk her again in San Francisco this summer. :-)

Laura's latest book, The Devil's Daughter, is out this week. I have my copy already and can't wait to sit down and read it. I've loved her previous books and know I will love this one too.

Anyway, I did a little "interview" (online style) with her, and here it is below.

Tell us about your story.

The Devil’s Daughter will do whatever it takes to win her freedom, even if it means claiming the soul of sexy Jed Caine. There’s no question he wants her, but he wants more than just her body; he wants her heart, too, and he’ll settle for nothing less. His stubborn ways and gentle touches are too much – even for the devil’s own daughter. She was sent to steal his soul, yet there he is. . .capturing her heart.

How is she ever going to explain this to her father??

What's a typical day like for you?

Once I get the little darlings off to school, I take my breakfast and coffee up to my office and spend a little time reading emails, catching up on computer stuff and, yes, okay, playing a few rounds of Spider Solitaire or Mah Jong. But I try to make sure I’m down to work by 9:30, and then I do whatever I need to be doing. Sometimes it’s researching, sometimes it’s working on my newsletter, and sometimes –though not nearly often enough – I actually write! LOL I go until about 2:30 when I have to go get the little darlings and once I do that, the rest of my day is usually shot, so I try to get as much done as I possibly can before they get home. Sometimes I can get more done after supper, but by the time we get through that and any homework they might have, my brain is pretty frazzled.

How long have you been writing? How many books did you write before you sold?

I’ve always been scribbling in some form or another, but I didn’t make the conscious decision that I wanted to write novels until about ten or eleven years ago. I was 8 months pregnant with Darling #2 and we’d just moved hundreds of miles away from our families, so it seemed like a good time to start. LOL I had written 3 complete novels before I sold one. The first two were (are) total crap, but each a great learning experience in its own way. The third one sold to Hilary Sares at Kensington in September ’04.

What is the best part of writing for you?

My favourite parts are writing the beginning and the end. The beginning, because . . .well. . .because it’s a new beginning. Everything is fresh and anything is possible at that point. I love writing the ending because I’ve been waiting so long to see my characters finally reach their happily ever after and I finally get to write it. Of course, having said that, I hate writing the ending because I know it’s the end and I have to wave those characters goodbye. It’s like saying goodbye to a good friend.

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

LOL Every book, to date, has been written completely by the seat of my pants. I enjoy the not-knowing, the adventure, and the excitement of discovering who my characters are page by page. However. . . after this last book I just handed in to my editor, I now know that I need to try a different track. I will never be one of those people who is able to plot everything, scene for scene, but I spend so much time rewriting, editing, rewriting, editing and rewriting some more that I could probably write 3 plotted books in the time it takes me to write 1 by the seat of my pants. So I am making a concerted effort to find a way to plot my next book that won’t be too restrictive.

What was it like getting "the call"? Who was the first person you told?

Oooh, I love “call” stories. LOL My call came on September 7 2004. I’d just dropped the older 2 at school and then met a friend for coffee. When I got home, I had a voice mail and an email from Hilary Sares. Saying I was stunned is like saying the ocean is deep. Once I was able to pick my jaw up off the floor, I set my 4-year old up in front of the TV with a snack and shook like the proverbial leaf while I called Hilary back. To be honest, I don’t actually remember most of the conversation. It was more like a dream than anything else. But the moment I hung up from that call, I called my husband who was out of town. Got his voice mail.

Called each one of my 3 sisters. Got voice mail EVERY TIME.

Called my friend Wendy who gave me the shove to write way back when. Yup, you guessed it – voice mail.

I thought I’d go crazy!

What advice would you give to aspiring writers?

If you want to write, and I mean *really* want to write, then do it. Don’t go at it half-heartedly and don’t think for one second it’s going to be a cake-walk, because it’s not. If you want to write, then write. Literally and figuratively, just write. Sit your butt in your chair and write. Do it any way that works for you, whether that means starting at page 1 and writing straight thru to page 400 or if it means writing the middle of the book first. It doesn’t matter. Just write it. Don’t let yourself get caught up in all the stuff that happens online. Yes, in today’s world, you really should be part of it, but it’s too easy to get distracted with online groups and the latest scandal rocking the writing world.

If you want to write, and I mean *really* want to write, then do it. Write. Study your favourite authors, take classes if you can, and learn as much as you can. And while you’re doing this, write. And then write some more. The only way to get better is to practice, and there’s no other way to practice than to just write.

Where do you get your story ideas? What inspires you?

People inspire me. If you sit down in the middle of a park or a mall or something and just watch, it’s amazing what you see. That man’s trying not to yell into his cell phone; that lady’s laughing at something her friend just said; the couple over there looks like they’re breaking up; and that girl over there is crying.

Why? Who are they? What has happened up to this point in their lives to get them to this place?

There’s such a range of emotions all around us every day, from the lowest of the low to the height of happiness, and as we all know, you have to experience the lowest of the low to truly appreciate the heights of happiness, so how do people get from the low to the high, and what roadblocks do they have to get around before they get there?

How much of a role did contests play in your quest for publication?

Funny you should ask. I entered two stories in the Laurie contest in the spring of ’04 and placed 2^nd and 3^rd behind my friend Teresa Bodwell, who won. One of the final round judges was Hilary Sares, who had just bought the book Teresa won with, so that gave me a little head way. Hilary asked to see the complete of my 2^nd place finish and the rest, as they say, is history.

What do you wish you'd known before you reached where you are now - and would it have made a difference in the steps you've taken to get there?

Oooh, boy. LOL I started to answer this question, then stopped and deleted what I’d written. The truth is, I have stumbled my way through this, taking wrong turns and detours and somehow finding my way back to where I was supposed to be. But even if I’d known everything about everything beforehand, I still would have taken the same path because that’s how I learn. You can tell me anything you like, but I need to experience it myself in order to relate it to my work, and I think a lot of writers are similar. Just because Plan A worked for you, doesn’t mean it’s going to work for me, or her or him. We each have our own path and I can’t imagine taking any different steps than I already have. I’m sure that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. J

What do you do when you're not writing?

I watch House on Tuesday nights. LOL Other than that, I’m just your typical wife/mother. I take the kids to their soccer and baseball practices and games, and I seem to spend a lot of time doing laundry. J I used to scrap book a lot because my sister was a Creative Memories rep, but it’s very time consuming, so I don’t do it nearly as much as I should. The kids and I like to take road trips and walk around the golf courses looking for eagles and discarded or forgotten golf balls. And, of course, I love to read. I’m usually months and months behind on that, though. My TBR pile is a little staggering. J

What's coming up next for you?

The Devil’s Daughter was just released this week, and the sequel, Dancing with the Devil, is scheduled for release in December, so I’ll have a bit of work to do on that one before it’s really finished. Besides that, my agent has a few proposals out for me and I’m working on a few more. Most of the proposals are historical westerns, but one is a contemporary and another is non-fiction, so we’ll see what happens with that.

The Devil's Daughter is available at Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Visit Laura at her website. Thanks for stopping by Laura! :)