The older I get the less social I seem get. It's not something I particularly like about myself but it's the reality of things. In the last few years though, I've been working to remedy that and not just rely on others to maintain our friendships.
Add to that, I like being single. It's hard for me to imagine sharing my home with someone else and having to answer to someone else as to how I spend money or who I can socialize with. I know some will jump in and say that's not how marriage is supposed to be but I know how mine was and I know what my friends say about their husbands now. For as much as some have a partnership and enjoy each other's company, I don't have one single married female friend who doesn't live in a hierarchy where the man rules the roost. They may have some balance in their relationships but at the end of the day, the man calls the shots. I've had that and don't relish the thought of returning to that. No, I like being single.
Then I came across something recently that makes me want to be more diligent in maintaining friendships.
It started with an interview of a celebrity. This celebrity mentioned a family member (also a celebrity) and spoke of them in the past tense. So I looked up this family member on the internet movie database. Apparently this person had died at a young age roughly 40 years ago.
I was reading their profile and discovered that someone they'd had a long term love affair with was found dead in their home in 2011. The coroner's report revealed that they had been dead approximately a year. A year!
Before I did a search on this person and started reading articles about their life and death (they were also a celebrity, for the record), I wondered how this could happen. Did they own their home free and clear? Otherwise I would assume the landlord or mortgage company would have found this person before then. Utilities wouldn't matter because they'd just shut them off and wouldn't come looking for you. But what about the lawn and grounds? How would they be maintained? In my subdivision they'd eventually send someone over and charge you for the work. I'd assume as much in a ritzy Los Angeles neighborhood.
Then I wondered, did this person have automatic payments set up? If so, there'd need to be sufficient money in the account to cover this year. But even at that, wouldn't the lawn guy eventually come looking for you? Somebody's got to notice, right?
Oh, and supposedly the thing that caught the attention of the neighbor was overflowing mail that was yellowing. The interesting thing with that for me is that I get excited to get mail so when I hear the mail person driving around, I will look out the window and watch them come to my house to see if they're delivering anything. The house next door is vacant (for all intents and purposes). It was bought just over a year ago by a family who has yet to live there. They do stop by and mow the lawn and had a couple of parties there last summer, but otherwise the house is essentially vacant. A few weeks ago, as I was looking out the window to see if I was getting any mail, the mail person got to their house and shoved some mail in. Then the mail person reached back into the mail box and shoved some more. I assumed the mailbox was full. After another minute, the mail person pulled all the mail out, sticking it into a pouch on the dashboard, and then stuck in one sheet. I assume the sheet told them something like they'd need to come pick up their mail at the post office. My point is, the mail person didn't let the mailbox get to an overflowing condition where the mail would turn yellow. And again, where this was happening was in an upscale LA home.
Well, after reading the articles on this person's death I still have some questions. There were a few discrepancies in how the body was discovered but the facts were this:
1) The utilities were still on because the body was laying next to a space heater that was still on.
2) The yard was overgrown.
3) The overflowing mail was yellowing.
4) The house was as close to the road as it can get - not offset where people couldn't see what was going on.
People ignored this poor person, turned a blind eye - for a year. The neighbors ignored the situation, no one came to check on them. And apparently this person didn't have good enough friends that they came and checked on them. In my mind I imagine that maybe a few calls came in for this person. But when they didn't call back, no one cared enough to make sure they were okay.
That scares me. I have a fear of that happening to me and then reading that it happened to someone who had been a high profile celebrity, well, it just freaks me out. It also makes not want to have accounts set up as auto pay. I don't now but this makes me want to never have it set up and always have some sort of required payment (other than taxes) attached to my house.
It also makes me want to be sure I really cultivate more close friendships so that someone would notice if I wasn't around. I don't want my mummified body to be discovered by a neighbor I didn't really know and who didn't care enough about me to check in on me until the dilapidated condition of my home brought down their own home values.
The lesson here is to appreciate your friends and continue to cultivate and nurture those friendships 'til the bitter end! (No pun intended.)
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