Close to Home

 I created this blog 21 years ago - this month.  Hard to believe it's been that long ago.  If it were a person, it could walk into a bar and order a drink in all states!  

Anyway, in those 21 years I've rarely posted about politics.  I believe I've only posted about them twice.  Once when a republican was running for office in Texas and his only platform to run on was that his opponent wrote romance novels, which he called porn.  He said it made her a sexual deviant and unfit for office.  I believe it was a midterm election and may have been the first midterm election I ever voted in.  She beat him, by the way!  The other time was in 2024 when I explained why I was voting the way I was, even though the person on the ticket wasn't in my top 10 of who I wanted to see as president.  Aside from those two instances, I don't think I've talked politics here.

I also don't think I've ever talked about any serious illnesses I was dealing with because I was always focused on getting through them and didn't want it to impact how anyone treated me.

But, today, I'm going to discuss both of those things here, for a reason.

In December 2013 I went in for a routine mammogram.  It came back abnormal and so I had to go back for an ultrasound, followed by a biopsy, which resulted in me getting told in early January 2014 that I had breast cancer.  There are very vivid memories from the day I was told that resonate to this day.  The fear.  The shock.  The disbelief.  Not necessarily in that order.  But, that's not really what this post is about.

I don't remember the specifics about when I was told what kind of cancer it was and what it meant.  I was diagnosed with HER2 positive breast cancer.  I also don't remember how I learned more about it because I do know that there was a point early on where I decided that anything I learned would come from my oncologist.  I may have done some internet searching before I came to that decision but I know that throughout my actual treatment, I refused to look up anything online.  So I don't know if what I came to know about it came from a quick search before I decided the internet was to dangerous for me at that time, from my oncologist or searches after treatment.  But, essentially, HER2 positive cancer is a very aggressive cancer.  I was diagnosed at stage 1A but was treated the same as if I was diagnosed as stage 4.  The only difference was that I had an end date for treatment and stage 4 patients do not.  There was a time when someone coming in at my stage would be told to get their affairs in order because it was very hit and miss if chemo helped with it and the odds favored the patient dying rather than beating it.

I asked the hospital where I was being treated to pair me with someone who had gone through the treatment plan they had me going through because I really needed to talk to someone who could fully understand what I was going through and it truly helped.  She told me about an online support group for HER2 positive patients that she said helped her.  More on that in a minute.  I don't think I ever went there until after my treatment had ended - again because of the online fear factor thing.

One of the drugs used to treat HER2 positive cancer is herceptin.  My insurance was charged $13,000 for each infusion of it and I got it every three weeks for a year - it's not cheap.

The person I had been partnered with had been diagnosed at stage 3.  She was considered a dead woman walking when she was diagnosed.  Dr. Dennis J Slamon had worked for years on herceptin and had to fight tooth and nail to get funding for his research.  (There is a movie about it called Living Proof starring Harry Connick Jr.)  It became a game changer in treating HER2 positive cancers.  The person I had been partnered with got treated with it because they figured that since was dying anyway, they had nothing to lose in letting her get the treatment.  It was considered an experimental drug at the time and only available to stage 3 or stage 4 patients.  But, as she went through treatment, scans proved that it was dissolving her tumors.  At the time we were paired together, it had been about five years since she'd been treated and she was still cancer free.

Just the few years later that I was diagnosed, herceptin was standard of care for all HER2 positive cancer patients.  I didn't have to go through a trial or let them give me an experimental drug - it was tried and true by that point.  And for that, I am grateful.

Now back to the online support group.  Once I was done with treatment, I started spending a LOT of time on the message board, reading people's stories and commenting on new comers.  After a while, I felt like an old timer and grateful to be able to share with others who might be coming in scared, like I had.

But then, notices started coming in about people who had been on the board for forever that were having recurrences or dying, years and even decades after they had been living with no evidence of disease.  It was scary and I decided that for my own peace of mind, I had to stop frequenting the message board and just be grateful that I was healthy-ish.

There were several people on the board that I became close to and we kept in touch, sometimes through the board and sometimes through personal emails.

There was this one woman that we were communicating via the private message system on the board.  She was a later stage and was experiencing severe side effects from the treatments she was getting.  Herceptin wasn't enough and she was one going into trials and getting experimental drugs.  I hadn't heard from her in a while and feared the worst.  I didn't know how to get in touch with her outside of the message board so there wasn't a lot I could do.

Then, a couple of days ago, out of the blue, I was notified that she had sent me a private message.  She said she hadn't been on the board for years but that she had gone for a clinical trial of a new drug hoping to target HER2 positive cancers and that she had been off the drug for three years now and that she was no longer having symptoms, her cancer was stable (not gone apparently but stable is good!) and she was doing well enough that she had even been able to return to work part-time.  I was so excited to hear all that and to know she was doing well, or at least definitely better than before.

But then I got pissed.  And this is where the politics come into my post.  I probably wouldn't be alive today if not for the work of Dr. Slamon.  The woman I had been partnered with wouldn't have survived to be partnered with me without his work.  The woman that sent me the message the other day wouldn't have a decent quality of life today if not for the work of other medical professionals trying to find cures for cancer.  Yet, we have someone sitting in the White House that feels that funding research for deadly diseases is a waste of money.  He can find money for illegal ballrooms and to put his name on everything he can think of and to pay insurrectionists for their work on January 6, 2021, but finding cures for deadly diseases is a waste of  money to him and it makes me angry.  This one hits close to home too.  There's always a chance my cancer will come back and I haven't reached the point - even almost 13 years later - where I take my cancer free status for granted.  And if it comes back, will I miss out on a groundbreaking drug that would ensure it would  never come back because of who is in the White House, because he cares about no one but himself?

I've read articles about people who supported Trump and championed his policies - until they affected them personally.  An example is Milo Yiannopoulos who supported Trump and was all for deporting people - until he got deported himself.  Now he's "ashamed" of his past support for Trump.

I've never supported Trump - ever - and I will never understand anyone who does.  I voice my complaints but don't really do anything about it.  And now I'm looking at something that could have a direct impact on me and I'm mad.  And motivated.

Right now, all we have is our voice and our vote.  I've been struggling getting registered to vote back in Texas because I haven't updated my license since I moved back.  The changes Trump has made in government, you have to have appointments to go anywhere and it's hard, if not impossible, to get through to them via phone or email to set that appointment up.  It wasn't this hard where I was living but here, it's been challenging.  I had been thinking I would have to sit this election out but one message from someone I was afraid we had lost got that fire going again.  We have to vote to put a stop to Trump's agenda - that only benefits himself, not every day Americans - and get some oversight back in congress.  It can't happen soon enough!

Excuse me

 I just got home from the grocery store.  We're supposed to be getting storms coming through today for almost a week and while there really isn't much that I need, there were a few things that I wanted.  I was going to place an order and have it delivered, since I pay for that service but the earliest window available (without paying extra for the delivery) comes about the time that the storms are expected to start through here.  It's been raining already today and it was foggy out so I didn't want to go out but I figured it was the best opportunity I was going to get to get a few things I wanted.

That's the backstory as to why I was out.

To add to that, in the last five years or so, I've become that old lady that wears t-shirts ALL THE TIME.  I find one that has a cute saying on it and I buy it.  Sadly, not all of them hold up well - the words seem to fade quickly.  But I digress.  A few days ago I was reading a book and someone in the story saw another person with a t-shirt that said "Exercise?  I thought you said Extra Fries!"  I immediately stopped reading and went over to amazon to see if such a shirt existed.  It does and I ordered it.  One with a cute sloth on it, clutching fries.

So, I am debuting that shirt today and didn't think a lot about it when I wore it to the store.

I go to check out and after the woman rings me up and I'm waiting for approval on my credit card, she says "open your shirt."  I was like "What?!?!?!"  She said, pointing at my shirt, "Open your shirt!"  I'm so stunned that it doesn't even register that a t-shirt doesn't "open" and so I just say "what?!?!?!" again.  So she says, "I wanna see your shirt" and that's when it dawns on me, she can't see the whole thing and not asking me to strip in the middle of Walmart!

She called someone over and we all got a laugh out of the shirt (not how she asked to see it) but it was . . . interesting.

Happy Thursday!

Making Life Easier

 Last year I read a book that talked about how you can make things easier on yourself when you're feeling overwhelmed.  Things like telling yourself that you're deprioritizing something (say laundry) today.  Or having the one use toothbrushes (ready with toothpaste on them) on your bedside table if you were so exhausted you'd crawled into bed without brushing your teeth.  And dry shampoo.  Things like that.

One of the tips that I particularly liked was making your bed in what amounts to layers.  The idea is to have your bed made with several layers of sheets - flat and fitted - so that instead of having to do laundry all the time, you can just pull off a layer of bedsheets and be ready to go and not even have to make the bed again.

With that in mind, I ordered a mattress pad and some "travel" bedsheets to put in between each layer of bedsheets.  It's been working great!  I love it!

Well, then a few days ago, I went to strip the bed of a layer of bedsheets.  I pulled up the comforter and made the bed all nice and everything.  I was a happy camper!

Until I went to bed.  Long story short, in my zeal to strip the bed, I apparently took off the flat sheet of the next level because when I crawled into bed, there was no flat sheet - just the fitted sheet.  Another long story short, I've only been using the comforter to cover up in bed the last few days because I "deprioritized" pulling the flat sheet back out and putting it back on the bed.

Funny how that works, isn't it?  😜

Royal Dream

 Last night I dreamed that the royal family was visiting.  I take that back, it was the royal men visiting.  Kate had remained in England for the visit.  At least initially.

Next thing I know, Kate is in the states and coming to me trying to find William.  I start digging through my notes to see how he can be reached but I can't find them.  She's getting very anxious because she desperately needs to reach him - which is why she came to the states, after all.

I spend all this time trying to track him down and eventually we do and I overhear what she tells him.  I don't recall now what it was she said to him but I remember thinking it was something she could've waited until he got home to relay to him.  It didn't warrant traveling to another country to track him down to tell him.

Anyway, after she found him, she started making appearances herself - since she was here and all.  And she left their baby with me.  Yes, she'd just had a new baby a few months ago (at least in the dream).

So, I was doting on the baby.  I think the baby may have spit up on itself or something because I decided I needed to give the baby a bath.  I was doing so in the sink.  The baby had on a bracelet and was wearing earrings.  The bracelet came off and went down the drain.  Then both of the earrings did as well.  I was very upset and terrified how I was going to tell the princess.

I asked the advice of several people, who didn't want to be involved in anyway and let me on my own.

When the princess came back, feeling sick to my stomach, I managed to get out that the baby's bracelet had washed down the drain.  She looked confused because she wasn't aware of any bracelet the baby had on.  I mentioned that it resembled a string one might tie around their finger to remind them of something (even though the baby wasn't old enough to be able to need to remember anything).  She acknowledged that and seemed unconcerned.

I told her that there was more and then told her about the earrings.  She was also unconcerned about them as well, which was a great relief.

Then she went back to signing things for fans.  Someone came back to me and handed me a signed bookmark that she had signed for me (because she knew I love to read).  The person that brought it to me said it said something along the lines of she hated me and wanted nothing to do with me.  But in reality, it thanked me for helping her out in a time of stress and said she'd be forever grateful to me.

She walked over to me and I thanked her and she hugged me.

That's all I remember about it.  Weird dream but made her seem as kind and down to earth as she appears otherwise.  😀

A Call From the Doctor

So, a short while ago my phone rang.  It's earlier than I like to get calls in the morning but I didn't even notice that part of it when the call came in.  I just thought about how it was interrupting what I was doing - which was packing.

I see the caller ID and I suspect it's the doctor's office, but I answer it anyway.

They start the call by saying who they are and who they are with.  Then they say they are looking for me.  I let them know they reached me and then they did something that did not sit well with me - at all.  They asked me to prove it was me!

I said, "You called me!"  As I was hanging up the phone (I wasn't in the mood to deal with people who call me and expect me to prove it's me!), I heard them saying something which I assume was them explaining why I would have to prove my identity to someone that called me.  It was several minutes before they tried calling me again, and I chose that time to not pick up at all.  They haven't tried again.

Here's the thing though, anyone who would be at my house and picking up my phone would be able to answer the questions the caller would ask.  Not to mention, identifying what they're calling about before saying who they are calling, defeats the purpose of having the person prove who they are because the "privacy" issue has already been breached.  It's ridiculous.

Having said all that, I think they want to move a follow up appointment I have scheduled for a few weeks from now.  It's been on the calendar for six months and they called a few weeks ago to move it but only offered one date and time, which I couldn't do.  I mean, if the doctor has a conflict, that doesn't change, just because the patient can't move to a specific date and time - and my appointment hasn't changed.

Anyway, the whole thing annoyed me because who calls someone and then demands they prove they are who they say they are?  How do I know the caller is who they say they are?

I'm wondering, has anyone else ever experienced this before and, if so, how did you handle it? 

I Love My Dogs!

 Well, first of all, in 2024 I only posted on blog post in the whole year.  I was so proud of myself for upping my game last year but it would appear it's almost been ten months since my last post!  Guess I didn't keep up with that!  Anyway . . . 

So, in my living room I have a basket (I think it was intended as a magazine rack at one time) where I keep all the dogs' toys.  I will put them up and then all of a sudden the floor will be covered with them.  I'll even find some in my bed!  But I rarely see how that happens.  It's like they just appear out of nowhere.

Yesterday I pulled out a toy to play with Oreo with while Benji was sunning in the front yard (he wasn't interested in coming into the house - at all!).  Oreo was interested in the attention, but not the toy.  So I kind of tossed it aside, not putting it in the box.

Well, just a short while ago, Benji came into the living room and looked at the random toy that wasn't in the basket, turned his nose at it and then went to the basket.

He pulled out what looked like two toys at once and was sniffing them and seriously had a look on his face like they smelled and he wasn't interested in them.  That got my attention and when I looked over, he looked at me like he wanted to play before he went back over towards the toys he pulled out and the basket.

I heard him playing with a toy and realized it wasn't any of the toys that had already "escaped" the basket, meaning he had gone in for more.

I kind of laughed and he looked up at me again and next thing I knew, he had gone into the other room.

Meanwhile, the original toy that he disregarded is now on the other side of the room and I see several other toys out that weren't previously out and not the one he had been playing with.

I'm willing to bet that the next time I go into the bedroom that there will be a toy in there as well.

So, I have some toys to pick up but I'm smiling as I write that because I love my dogs and sometimes they're just so funny.  😁

What Day is it?

 It's not even 1:30 in the afternoon yet and I've already had to remind myself that today is Friday - NOT Saturday more than a few times.  I don't know why my brain is stuck on thinking it's Saturday but it's already driving me a little nuts.

I went to the grocery store around 9:00, which is later than I like to go because of the crowds (I'm not a big shopper and these days I usually do curbside for groceries but I decided to go in today and do my own shopping), but I figured it wouldn't be too bad - even on a Saturday.  Then I remembered it's NOT Saturday and figured it really wouldn't be bad at the store because most people would be working at 9:00 a.m. and not shopping, right?

Well, even though it's NOT Saturday, the store was packed!  I bought a lot of stuff I didn't need (another reason why curbside is such a good option!).  I made it out alive though so I take that as a win.

Anyway, I keep looking to see what's on TV and getting surprised that certain shows are on on a Saturday before I remember it's NOT Saturday!

Then I mentally made a list of things I need to do next week when things are open before I realize, I can do those things TODAY because today is Friday, NOT Saturday.

Seriously, I cannot believe I have such a brain freeze where today is concerned.  It makes me wonder what day I will think tomorrow is and what the holiday on Monday will do related to what day I think it is.

But for now, I just have to remember that today is NOT Saturday!