I want to live in a soap opera

Seriously. Think about it.

You're driving down a winding road, down a hill, in a mudslide and lose control of your car. It goes off the edge of the cliff and your car goes up in flames. But your body is never found. That is, until you show up at your husband's (he thought you were dead) wedding, right after the minister has pronounced them man and wife.

Did I mention that the intervening years didn't prove a financial hardship either? Despite the fact that you had no money on you and never accessed your trust fund (well actually, you couldn't because before the fire was put out on the car, your loving family had divvied up your assets).

Or, if you were a particularly awful person before the car went up in flames, you lose your memory and come back as a sweet, kind, generous, giving person - and everyone accepts you.

You're offered jobs, hand over fist. And none of them expect you to work more than six hours a year, five of which are spent fighting with your arch enemy, who, of course, shares your cubicle. But never fear, if the boss complains, you buy the company and fire their hineys.

Then there's the facts of life. Kids are a gift from God. As such, they are perfect from the beginning. They sleep through the night and apparently are self sufficient from birth, as mommy and daddy galavant around town, never hiring a sitter. And as they approach the terrible twos, they aren't seen for a couple of weeks and are miraculously aged into their teen years, potty-trained and all. Not that being potty-trained was a problem, since soap babies never make a poopy diaper.

And murder. Where else can you kill a man in cold blood, admit it to the first officer on the scene and never see the inside of a court room? And if you do get as far as a court room, the right accessories can get you off of any crime.

But don't worry if you're the murder victim because, despite the fact that we saw you die on the operating table, watched as you were cremated and your remains scattered in the ocean, tomorrow is another day and death will never be final as long as there are rating sweeps to win.

A dog's life

Watching Ellen DeGeneres' show today, I got an inspiration for a book idea.

Blair Underwood was talking about his new book, Before I Got Here : The Wondrous Things We Hear When We Listen to the Souls of Our Children. It's filled with stories about the profound things kids say, a couple of which were read. It sounded like a sweet book.

Here's the deal, he created a webpage and solicited stories about things kids had said. Being a celebrity and all, he received a lot of entries. Then he went through them and compiled his favorites for the book and he's making a bajillion dollars now, I'm sure.

It got me to thinking. Who doesn't like animal stories? Okay, I know there are people who don't but the majority of people do like animals. So why not have a compilation of animal stories? I'd like to start with dog stories. You know, fun, sweet stories about man's best friend. I think it would sell well.

So here's what I need you to do: Send me all your fun, sweet dog stories. Tell all your friends and family to send me their fun, sweet dog stories. It would be helpful if the breed of dog was identified but it's not entirely necessary (I can improvise if necessary ;o) ).

I see a different book for every breed.

And don't think that because I will be keeping all the proceeds from the book that I won't recognize everyone - I will. Of course it might be something like, "I'd like to thank everyone..." But make no mistake, when I say everyone, I mean you and only you because it's your story(ies) that are going to make it happen.

Yes, this could work.

One Classy Lady

All of the dancers have really been doing incredible work. It's getting harder and harder to tell who the professionals are and who the "students" are. It's incredible.

Last night, for the first time, I was awed by Stacy's performance. She was incredible. Every 10 she received was well deserved, in my opinion. It was fun, it was fast and she looked great. But how intimidating would it be to have to follow someone who got a perfect score? And she went first! Wow!

Tia Carrere had the lowest score from the judges - it was a score of 22. Last season, that was the average score of all the contestants. On an especially good night, the top score might be 25 or 26 so that shows the level of work this season's dancers are putting into it (well to me anyway). And that's not to take away from Tia's performance. Although it wasn't my favorite performance, she did a good job and I enjoyed her dance last night.

Anyway, tonight was elimination night. Tia is one of only four of the contestants I knew who was when this competition started. And I like Tia. As such, she's had my support from the beginning. I'm at a point where I don't want anyone to be voted off because I really like everyone. More so, I really don't want those I knew (and liked) going in being voted off. But, having been in the bottom two a couple of times now, and having the overall lowest score from the judges last night, I knew in my heart that Tia had in all likelihood danced her last dance last night.

I gave her all of my telephone votes (and one of my online votes) but alas, she was voted off anyway tonight. When her name was announced as the contestant being voted off and she did her final "interview", she was so gracious and classy. I really hate to see her go.

Maybe when they do that "surprise" bring back of Giselle, they can bring back Tia too.

Fashion

A friend of mine recently gave in to the pressure of blogs and got one of her own (I would post a link here but I think it's a secret blog, if you know what I mean). Anyway, she posted a blog about how she'd gone shopping and ran into a little old lady who had her arms in the air and was asking for help.

Turns out she'd tried on a dress that was missmarked and it got stuck as she was trying to remove it - arms in the air. As women, we know how this works. We can fit in a size 5 with one cut and in another we do good to fit in the size 9. There's little, if any, consistency to how women's clothes are cut. And that's just how it is.

It reminded me of when I was married and my then husband had put on some weight. He'd always liked his jeans tight so he was having a difficult time getting them on with the additional weight. I finally had to raise the subject that maybe he needed a bigger size pants. OMG, he balked at that in a major way. "The pants shrunk," he wailed. "You've had them for years but they didn't shrink until now?" I argued back.

We went back an forth until I finally convinced him to try a larger size. I drag him (kicking and screaming I might add) to the department store and select the next size up in jeans (for men, that's their waist size - pants length stayed the same) and point him in the direction of the dressing rooms.

He comes out a few minutes later, the jeans all but cutting off the circulation to the lower half of his body and says, "They're cut small."

Yeah, 'cause that's how it works.

Go Lisa Go!

I will eventually blog about something other than Dancing with the Stars. LOL I'm just excited about the dances they did tonight.

Let's start with, I thought I was going to miss the beginning of the show. I had a 5:00 doctor's appointment so I thought I had plenty of time to get home before the show started. I walked out of the doctor's office at a quarter of. I was a bit panicked because the way home is paved with construction. But I made it home with about two minutes to spare. *whew* ;)

Anyway, Lisa Rinna is really starting to shine. I think she has a strategy though. Have you noticed that the last two weeks she's opted to dance the same dance as the celebrity men rather than what all the other celebrity women are dancing? That way she can't be compared to the other women when being scored. Of course she's doing the same dance as the professional women but you know, she's really stepping up. I'd really like to see her stay in the competition to the end.

Who did you like this week?

Devastated

So this isn't a shot from the Tango which got her eliminated (those aren't posted yet) but does this shot look like a person who isn't flexible? How many 45 year olds do you know that could strike that pose? I'm not 45 yet and I know I can't.

At week one of the competition, I knew who four of the ten celebrity dancers were. I wasn't really all that invested in the show. Now, at just week three, I care about all of them. I don't want any of them to go. And it's only going to get harder each week.

Anyway, I was so disappointed to see Giselle eliminated last night. I thought she was doing so well. I also feel a little bad because I really didn't think she was in elimination range and I don't think I voted for her at all, although I know I considered it. (I was distributing my votes among those I worried might be eliminated by not getting enough viewer votes.)

They showed all the dances again, in their entirety again and I felt the same way as I had on Thursday...and I was looking for the flaws and strengths the judges said they had and I just didn't feel any differently about the performances.

I honestly believed that Jerry and P Miller would be in the bottom two last night. As such, Jerry got some votes from me (although I had a very hard time getting through on his phone line, which encouraged me). When he was the second named celebrity as staying, my first reaction was relief. My second reaction was "oh *censored*" because who was going to be down there with P? I got concerned.

Then, when a little later in the show, P Miller was saved and there were still four couples left, I knew I wasn't going to like it. I hadn't prepared for a contingency.

The last three standing were Drew, George and Giselle. A no win situation. They say they call the names in random order (although I don't recall them saying that last night) but who knows where they actually placed. I started feeling real bad about Drew, concerned that I was taking it for granted that he would continue on - and I honestly think he is doing the best job out there, regardless of his advantages. He's working hard and doing a wonderful job - he doesn't deserve to be eliminated. I silently promised myself if he made it through, I would vote for who I thought did best from now on. I also honestly believed he wouldn't be in the bottom two. He wasn't.

When it came down to George and Giselle I was sick. I wanted them both to stay. Of the two though, I wanted George to stay more (he got more than half my votes for Thursday's performance). But regardless, I thought it was a wrong call either way.

To Giselle I say, you did a wonderful job. You inspired me. You shouldn't have had to leave. Thank you for being such a good sport about it. Hopefully in a twist, they'll bring you back later in the season. :)

To P Miller, P it's time you really stepped up to the plate. We both know that if you didn't have such a strong fan base, you'd be gone by now but you need to put more into it. You are improving but I need you to convince me that you deserve to be a contender. Make me want to vote for you to stay.

I dare you.

Wanna Bet?

Okay, since Honey asked so nicely, I'll give my review. :)

I have never in all my years of devouring books, read the last chapter of a book to see what happened. I've always come to the last chapter as a natural course of reading the book. But, when the book opened Once upon a time I had to know...was the last line and they lived happily ever after? As I was flipping to the back page I thought, "Naw, that would be too cheesy."

But sure enough (at the risk of giving out a spoiler) that was the last line. I rolled my eyes and thought, "this is going be great" (and not in a good way).

You have to understand that I've only read one other of Jennifer Crusie's books and I absolutely hated it. Not disliked it. Not didn't care for it. I hated it. I didn't like the characters - at all. One pissed me off so bad it wasn't funny. But a friend had recommended the book so I read the whole thing (based on her lie that the secondary character I really, really hated wasn't in much of the book...I was kinda ticked at my friend after that and haven't really read anything she's recommended since). So I was very skeptical going in reading Bet Me.

With that in mind I will say this, had I read this book first, I would probably be out buying up all the Jennifer Crusie books I could get my hands on. It was so funny and I was hooked very early on. I would read something and I would have to put the book down because I was laughing so hard (and couldn't read while laughing).

There was one thing though - I really hated Min's mother. Fortunately she wasn't in much of the book but she annoyed the heck out of me. I guess she was needed for the story that was being told but I was having flashbacks (not the good kind) when she was in the story. If not for her, I would still (despite my feelings for the first book) probably be buying up all the Crusie books I could find. It leaves me with the impression that Ms. Crusie likes to have over the top characters that create friction or conflict. But seeing as I know these people personally - have lived with these people but have finally gotten them out of my life, I don't want to revisit them in a book - it just brings me down. I like to read for escape and those types of characters make the enjoyment difficult. As I said though, Min's mother wasn't in much of the book so she didn't take over the overall enjoyment of the book. In fact, if I hadn't read the other book first (and hated the characters), I probably wouldn't be near as annoyed with Nanette's character - but again, she wasn't really a key player. Anyway as a result I will read more of Ms. Crusie's books but it will be sporadically (and somewhat skeptically) rather than buying out the book store.

Bottom line on this book though is, I loved this book. It was a lot of fun - very funny, and I liked the way it was all neatly wrapped up at the end. :)

Can you say Ouch?

I know I said I wanted a P elimination - and I do - but could Len have been any more harsh? He told Master P that it was time he and the competition parted. All I can say is Ouch!

I was so excited to see Lisa and Tia break out. They were great! And to see them do so well in the rating. I was very pleased with that.

And I absolutely LOVE George Hamilton. How funny was it that he went to the Assisted Living Center to solicit votes? He got my vote for that alone - and his dance wasn't too shabby either. :) And Giselle was funny when she interpretted what George was saying, "He said, 'Vote for Giselle'. " Even George laughed. Teehee

Like the judges, I was a bit disappointed with Jerry tonight. It seemed too slow and wasn't up to what he did last week. I still gave him a vote though because I do not want to see him leave and P stay (but I still thing Len was too cruel).

I disagreed with the judges where Giselle was concerned. I thought she did a good job. Of course that's my "I know what I like when I see it" trained eye, not a "I know the hell what a tango should look like" eye, but I thought she looked great.

And lastly, I think Drew is the breakout leader. I think he will be the one to beat this season. He does so good and just seems to really enjoy himself. I think he has an edge because his wife is a choreographer and he can practice with the "professional" a gazillion hours a day and then go home and get coaching from his wife (and I read he does do that but that also indicates his dedication, so there you go). He hasn't gotten any of my votes yet but not because he doesn't deserve them. I just don't want the wrong people being eliminated just yet. :)

Buh-Bye Tatum

Is anyone else following the Dancing with the Stars? I love watching the celebrities learning to dance.

This season though has been somewhat disappointing to me. Last season the celebrities seemed to check their egos at the door. Yes they knew it was a competition but the goal was to do their best, however it worked out. They seemed to be having fun.

This season, however, some of the egos are huge and distracting. Last season the judges and audience were voting on different dances so they changed it where everyone is voting on the same dance and rather than wait a week to find out who is eliminated, you find out the next night. On the second night, they show some backstage happenings and comments by the contestants.

Tatum took a firm stand and said she would be the winner because she was the best out there. But when it came to the bottom two contestants for elimination last night, it was P. Miller and Tatum O'Neal with the two lowest scores. Personally I would have been happy if they'd both been eliminated but they only eliminate one at a time.

P. Miller has been totally disrespectful to the judges, his partner and the audience. He refuses to wear ballroom dance shoes, despite instruction from the judges and requests from his partner but he goes out each time and talks about doing this for Katrina victims, which I'm sure is why he's pulling in the call-in votes. Thing is, nothing has been mentioned about any charities benefiting from this competition.

Anyway, Tatum was eliminated last night and when she went to have her final comments with the hosts she whined "But I'm an actress!" Um, Tatum hon, none of the celebrities are dancers - they all are learning to dance, just like you were.

Next week, I'm hoping for a P elimination.

Recommended List

The Players:

Jane Marlow: Jane is an Estate Attorney up for a partnership in the firm she works for. She's known for being reliable, dependable and very predictable. Her life is very structured. She's the person whose throw pillows are placed at a specific angle (forty-five degree angle if you want to be exact), her money in her wallet is arranged by denomination, face up. Her CDs are alphabetized by artist and then chronological, in order of release. And, like Monica Gellar (of Friends), she'll chase you around the house sweeping up food crumbs.

Teddy Rock: Formerly known as Theo Brockford. Teddy is the aging rock star who wants to make a comeback. His one hit Janey 245 made him a household name back in the late '80s. His fall from grace was long and very public. His latest album is about to be released and he has to convince the public that he has changed his ways so they will buy his album.

Andy Marlow: Andy is Jane's brother. Irresponsible and impulsive, he's the opposite of Jane. But when he catches and episode of Off the Record and realizes that Teddy Rock is the quiet boy from their childhood neighborhood, Theo Brockford, (not to mention that he and Jane grew up at 245 Memorial Circle), he is convinced that Janey 245 was written about his sister and is determined to capitalize on that fact.

Drew Weston: Drew is a partner in the firm Jane works for. He works out of the DC office but has come to Chicago to help Jane with a case that went from estate planning to litigation between grandmother and granddaughter. He has a reputation of being a playboy, reportedly having his way with the temporary receptionist on the xerox machine at his going away party (he worked in the Chicago office before transferring to DC). He's going to have to work very closely with Jane to settle the dispute with Jane's biggest client.

Jane is working towards becoming a partner in her law firm when her brother suggests she is the inspiration for Teddy Rock's one hit, Janey 245. He wants to capitalize on it to help save a family friend's (Sam) bar. When Jane is reluctant to participate in her brother's scheme, Andy sets out to put her in a position of not being able to say no.

Drew Weston has been brought in to help Jane on a big case she is handling. She set up the financial planning of Kitty Farnsworth's estate and it was being contested by Kitty's seventeen year old granddaughter, Darcy, despite the fact that Kitty was still alive. Jane believed she had set up airtight legal documents and that is what Drew was there to prove, and Jane's partnership depended on it.

Jane had heard (specifics) of Drew's playboy ways so she was expecting him to be making advances left and right. When he didn't, she confronted him about it. His response was not what she'd expected. He had heard about her reputation as well. When he described her life (quite accurately), she wanted to prove him wrong. That she wasn't a no nonsense, hospital corner kind of girl. So she invited him to Sam's bar.

And that's when everything changed.

Off the Record was a fun read for me. It follows, in a humorous way, the career of a has-been rock star that wants to make a comeback, with newspaper and magazine articles starting each chapter, chronicling the rise and fall of Teddy Rock and potential rise again. The story is told from the perspective of the rock star's muse, Jane Marlow.

Jennifer O'Connell told a fun and touching story that made me both laugh and cry. I recommend it highly.

The Bloggies

On my nightly blog hopping I came across something interesting. There are blogger awards. That's right folks, you can nominate and vote for your favorite blogs. And like the academy awards, there are a number of categories.

I be-bopped over there and checked it out. You can only submit nominations once. It's late in the week and I confuse easily so I hope I did everything right when I made my nominations (nominations made incorrectly will be disqualified). Now I'm wondering at what point the nominees are notified and if they are told who nominated them.

Oh well, know this, if you're reading this blog, chances are you were nominated for something. :)

Good luck!

It's Raining Books

Yesterday (my first day back after being off for two glorious weeks) I was talking with a co-worker and I mentioned that I had an exercise video that gives you a good workout without making you sweat. I asked her if she would workout with me during lunch if I brought it up to the office. She said she would.

So last night I dutifully set out to locate the video and put it in my car, before I forgot. Only it's MIA. I couldn't find it anywhere.

I did, however, find seven - count them seven - books I'd set aside but haven't read yet. Seven!

I thought I'd done so well over the holidays, reading a book almost every day and now I find out I'm right back where I started in the TBR pile. *sigh*

I never did find the blasted video.

Retrospective/Looking Ahead

I'm looking forward to the start of a new year. 2005 was not a particularly good year for me. A dear friend of mine died unexpectedly at the age of 46, leaving a hole in my heart. I got my first ever flu shot, only to find out that the vaccine was not what was in the syringes and that the FBI was investigating the matter. (A number of side dramas are attached to that one.) Not to mention a number of smaller (in general) events that added to the desire to see the end of 2005.

Having had the last couple of weeks off just to recharge the batteries has been wonderful. Today I feel an energy that I haven't felt in a long, long time. I know that work is going to be a challenge in 2006 (my work load doubled in 2005 and I was informed right before my vacation started that I would be taking on more responsibility in 2006, keeping all my current responsibilities) but I hope to be up to the challenge. The personalities I will be working with are the challenge, not the work itself per se. So, I'm hoping that 2006 gives me what I need to do my job, do it well and not kill anyone in the process. :)

On a personal level, my goal is to do things that make me happy, including (but not limited to) the following (in no particular order):

1. More massages in 2006
2. Take more time to read
3. Spend more time writing because:
a) I plan to enter contests in 2006,
b) I plan to query agents in 2006,
c) I plan to pitch at National, and
d) I want to get the story written!
4. Be more social
5. Get healthy/lose weight
6. Take time to smell the roses
7. In general, do more to pamper myself

Note, these are not resolutions but goals so if you see me shoving an entire Sara Lee Chocolate Cheese Cake down my throat on January 5th, I'm not breaking any resolutions. ;o)

Happy New Year to all! I hope 2006 is good to us all!

What are your goals?

Remembering a Princess

I don't know what it is but I've always been fascinated by Princess Diana. I remember when she married Prince Charles. VCRs weren't commonplace at the time. In fact, I'm not really sure if they were around. I do know, if they were, they were still too expensive for the average Joe to have one. As such, I didn't have one but I wanted to see the wedding so I got up at something like 3:30 am so I could watch it.

I also remember where I was and what I was doing when she died. It was so shocking. I kept thinking there had to be a mistake. She was too young and how she died was so awful. VCRs were more common then, it was unusual if you didn't have one, so I recorded the funeral rather than get up in the middle of the night to watch it. And I cried when I watched it.

I've been appalled at the people who have tried to exploit her, for their own gain, since her death. For instance, the man who, whenever he needs money, sells off more of her private story but when interviewed, refuses to answer certain questions because he wants to respect her privacy. Yeah right! You just want to save something for the next time. He should be shot. Or better yet, slowly tortured. Nothing is too horrible. But I digress.

Yesterday I went to an area museum to see the Princess Diana Exhibit . It's a traveling exhibit which happens to be on display in Houston now. The exhibit was divided into a number of different rooms, each representing an area of her life. There were pictures, video and actual memorabilia from all phases of her life. Her wedding gown was on display and video from her wedding was shown. The actual sheet music from Elton John's tribute song was on display, and played while video of her life and funeral were shown (heard a lot of sobs in that room) while it was played.

I went alone to the exhibit and I'm glad I did. I was able to spend a lot of time there without worrying about someone else being bored, tired or anything else. I read everything in every room. I watched every video in its entirety. When I reached the end, I went back almost to the beginning and came back through, just looking.

I know people are making money off of the exhibit and that may be their only reason for allowing her things to be viewed but whatever the reasons I want to say this: This exhibit honors Princess Diana and is done in a very respectful manner to her memory. To me, it was worth every penny (including the $8.00 parking fee) I paid to see it.

Latest Plug

Part of my vacation agenda is to read as many books as possible. In the past four days I've read three - all wonderful. The latest of which is Julia Quinn's An Offer From A Gentleman.

It's a Cinderella-like story. Sophie is the bastard child of the Earl of Penbroke. Her mother had died in childbirth and her maternal grandmother had cared for her until she turned three, at which time she deposited young Sophie on the doorstep of her father.

Recognized as the Earl's "ward" (not daughter), Sophie was raised in luxury, if not love. However, when Sophie's father married, his new wife made it clear that she could not be treated in the same manner as her daughters (two - Rosamund and Posy).

The Earl died unexpectedly at a young age. His wife would receive 2000 a year, or 6000 if she provided for Sophie until she was twenty. He also provided for a dowry for all three girls.

The stepmother kept Sophie on so she could collect the money but not in the manner she had previously lived. She made Sophie work for her keep - without pay.

And then they received an invitation to a masquerade ball. Sophie dilligently prepared her step-mother and step-sisters for the ball, never dreaming of going herself. But once they were on their way, the staff prepared Sophie to attend the ball herself. She wore clothing that had been her grandmother's (on her father's side) and was taken in the family carriage. The one caveat, she had to meet the carriage at midnight, otherwise she could be caught.

So dressed in her grandmother's clothes, her face covered by a mask, she attends the ball. On entrance, she garners the attention of several men but it's Benedict Bridgerton that whisks her away. They both are smitten but she refuses to give him her name and he steals a kiss.

He comments that her hair feels like silk. She laughs and reminds him that he has on gloves. He has her remove his glove and feels her hair. She asks for the same liberty so he removes her glove, which bears the family crest and her grandmother's initials. He is about to remove her mask when the clock starts chiming midnight and she narrowly escapes, having left the glove behind.

He spends years trying to locate her and she dreams of him, knowing that societal proprieties will not allow for them to be together, so she tries to forget him. When they meet again, he does not recognize her (he never really saw her face). He's drawn to her but cannot allow himself to really give in to his care for her because he feels he's being unfaithful to his true love, the mystery lady from the ball.

It was a fun, light read. Predictable? Yes, but still fun. I highly recommend it. :)

Another Plug

Earlier this year I read Metro Girl by Janet Evanovich for a reading group I participate in. I'd never read anything by Janet Evanovich and wasn't overly impressed but everyone kept saying her Stephanie Plum series was wonderful so I said I'd give it a try.

Well, I ordered (and received) One for the Money last week and since I rotate what I read in genre's (so I don't get over tired of one particular genre), I cracked open One for the Money yesterday for my "mystery" genre.

For all intents and purposes I read it in one sitting. I took a couple of breaks, surfed the net and took restroom breaks but basically, I read it in a few hours time.

It was a light, fun read with a mystery to boot. I'm officially a fan. :)

P.S. Merry Christmas!!!

My remote control is possessed!

I have a number of TV remotes in various conditions. Several bear teeth marks from Max and/or Brewsky. The one in my living room has loose parts inside of it while the one in the bedroom has buttons I have no idea what their purpose is. These two remotes are in the best condition of my collection.

Anyway, the remote in the living room rattles when I pick it up now. I'm sure this is because it has been dropped so many times. But, here's the deal, I will be watching TV and I'll want to mute the TV for some reason (maybe a call, maybe to write a blog) and when I hit the mute, it turns my TV off. Not every time but enough to aggravate me.

Other times I'll move my remote and the channel changes...on the TV, not the cable channel. That's the weirdest thing because if I click on the channel up or down it changes the cable station I'm watching. If I punch in the numbers in the remote, again, it changes the cable station I'm watching so to have it change the station my TV is on is just bizarre. And did I mention I won't have clicked anything on my remote when this happens? Again, not all the time, just periodically.

Maybe the rattling I'm hearing in the remote is little gremlins out to make me crazy. So far their plan is working.

Perfect Days

My vacation officially started at 4:33 pm Tuesday, December 20. I'm off for the rest of the year. (You can't see it but I'm doing the happy dance here.)

I left work and went immediately to get a massage from the massage queen, Robin. Came home and had a good night's sleep.

Yesterday I got up and met a friend for a leisurely lunch - very nice.

A little later I went to the movies and saw The Family Stone. It was different than I thought it would be but I liked it. I laughed and cried during the movie. I debated sitting in the theater for a while after it was over so the puffiness of my eyes would go down.

Of course the crying thing could have just been me. They showed a preview for a movie called Eight Down or Eight Under, something like that. It's about a dog team. They are taken out on an adventure (not sure exactly why) and things go awry. The dogs save this man's life and then when help comes, they leave the dogs behind, planning to come back later. Then the weather gets really bad and they can't go back for them so the dogs have to fend for themselves in this artic weather. I was crying at the preview! So, it could have just been me that got weepy at The Family Stone.

Anyway, I left there and went to Foley's to spend my gift card the attorneys I work with gave me. I couldn't find what I wanted so I went to leave the mall - passing the movie theater on my way to my car. I happened to look at the time and see what was playing...Fun with Dick and Jane started in ten minutes so I bought a ticket and went to see it too. I'm not a Jim Carrey (sp?) fan but I liked this movie. It was funny.

Today I'm going to see if I can find a local theater that still has Rent playing.

I love being on vacation!

Embarrassing moments

A number of years ago my mother told me this story.

A little old lady (okay, I think she just said a lady...I just imagine her as little and old) was coming out of the grocery store with her shopping cart full of grocery bags. As she approached her car she realized that there were three "thugs" (you know, look like trouble making late teen, early twenties kids) sitting in her car. Well, she knew the times had changed so she carried a gun in her purse and she thought this was the perfect opportunity to pull it out and use it. So she walked up to the driver's side window (which had been rolled down) and pointed the gun at the "head thug's" (why else would he be in the driver's seat) head. She calmly told them to get out of the car. And they did. Running away as fast as their thug legs would carry them.

Happy that she'd defended herself and her vehicle, she unloaded her groceries into the car and then got in the front seat. It was then that it dawned on her.

It wasn't her car.

Her car, she realized, was a couple of parking spaces over. She loaded the groceries back into the shopping cart and then into her car and drove to the police station to explain what had happened. As she was telling her story the police officer started laughing. When asked what was so funny he pointed to the three kids that were reporting a car jacking by a little old lady.

That story always makes me laugh because I can just imagine the kids' faces as this lady pulls a gun on them and tells them to get out of the car - their car. LOL

Anyway, so what made me think of this story? Last night when I was leaving the office, I spotted my car in the parking lot and noticed that some sort of flyer was on my car. I work in a place that has tight security so I knew it was something the company had put on the car. It kind of annoyed me.

So, I'm walking to my car and as I approached it I snatched the flyer off the windshield and clicked the automatic locks on my keychain. Nothing happened. I'm reading the flyer, even more annoyed at the message, as I click the locks again. Still nothing. I turned the keychain around and clicked it again and heard a faint beep. I tried to open the door and it was locked. I clicked one last time again I heard a faint beep but this time I noticed a car a couple of spaces over with its lights flashing. Then it dawned on me, I was trying to get into the wrong car. I dart around the car to my own car, realizing that I'm taking the flyer from the car with me. I make the decision not to return it but as I'm snatching the flyer off of MY car, I look back and see someone walking straight towards me with this big grin on his face.

I knew immediately that it had been his car I'd tried to break into. I walked over, laughed as I gave him his flyer while he told me he'd done that with my car before (yeah, but he never got caught!). Very embarrassing moment. LOL

Is it just me?

My boss took our group to lunch today - a holiday lunch. We went to Pappas Seafood. I'm not sure if that's national or local. In any event, it's one of the nicer restaurants in the area. More upscale.

Anyway, one of my attorneys has been in a pissy mood for at least two weeks now and it's not been real clear why. All I know is the first week I went in to say good morning to her and she bit my head off. Actually she did that two out of three mornings. I quit going in to see her.

Then she stopped talking to me altogether. Wouldn't even make eye contact with me last week. On one occasion she needed something done and rather than tell me, she wrote it on a post it note and stuck it on my desk.

I was sitting at my desk at the time.

So this kind of behavior has been going on for at least two weeks. The invitation for lunch went out before she stopped talking to me. She made some comment about she didn't want to go. See, I'm like the only one in the group she likes and she didn't want to spend her lunch hour with a group of people she doesn't like.

Fine - it was optional.

So my boss sends out a reminder this morning about it and offered to drive me and the other two staff support ladies. Said if anyone didn't want to go to let him know, otherwise we'd get a table for the group.

No one declined.

The female attorney rode out with another attorney. In the restaurant, she sat in the corner with her arms crossed the entire time. She never joined in the conversation or made eye contact with anyone and she didn't even order lunch!

So, is it just me or is that not rude?

Aside from her negativity, it was a nice lunch.

No Plot? No Problem!

That's the name of a book intended as a writing tool for writers. Chris Baty is the author and, if I'm not mistaken, he also is the one that heads up the annual NaNoWriMo in November. But that's not really the subject of this post. It's about books that have no plot.

I know people who don't like books without a plot. I know others who say the story is all about the characters.

I think I fall in the latter category. Not that I have anything against plots but if I'm not relating with the characters in some way, the author can have the best plot ever devised and s/he will have lost me as a reader. On the flip side, if s/he can make me care about the characters, I probably won't notice/care that there is no plot.

If the author has created a character who hits a nerve with me and I hate them, that's okay because they've been so descriptive that they've evoked an emotion out of me. It's only bad when it's the hero or heroine. And that happens.

I've heard (and find it to be true for my tastes) that it's not good to have a book that is only about sex. A well written love scene is one thing but when the characters can't seem to drag themselves out of bed long enough to have a discussion or a life, there's a problem. I'll move on to the next book.

I recently read a book where all either characters could think about was having sex with the other one. I think there was only one scene where they actually consummated the relationship but it never left their thoughts. (And the sex scene was on the cutting room floor. They discussed it and thought about it a lot afterwards though but the act itself didn't make the cut.) I didn't hate the book but the author also did not go on my "automatic buy" list.

For me, reading is an escape. I like mindless reading. I love fun, light reads - something that can make me laugh and/or cry but not require too much thought on my part. Don't get me wrong, I love John Grisham thrillers and Mary Higgins Clark mysteries but those kinds of books only make up about twenty-five percent of my reading. The other seventy-five percent is made up of lighter fare. But if they can't make me care about the characters, they lose me as a reader. (Can't stress that enough. LOL)

So, bottom line for me and my reading preferences, my motto is: No Plot? No Problem! ;o)

How about you?

Your Honor, I give you Exhibit A

Men don't listen. A woman rarely has a man's full attention. The one exception is when he is watching sports and you get between him and the television. Even then though, he's not listening. He will pretend to listen and promise anything to get you to move but the second you move, you've lost him again. And for those of you that would think you have his attention during sex, I'm sad to say, you don't. Little Johnny has his attention and little Johnny isn't going to listen to you either. In fact, the only word little Johnny understands is "yes" and every word known to man (or woman) sounds like "yes" to little Johnny.

Some of you may be reading this and shaking/nodding your head in agreement but for those of you who are not convinced, I bring proof.

To give a little background, I was making limo arrangements for my boss yesterday. He's attending a company sponsored event tomorrow night and wanted to arrive in style. He placed the charges on his corporate card. I like my boss so I didn't comment but it got me to thinking, does this mean that since the Christmas party is company sponsored I can hire a limosine to take me there and have the company pay for it? Hmmmm....something to consider - but I digress.

So, I called our travel department and reached, what else, a man. We'll call him Travel Guy or TG for short for the purposes of this transcript. The following is the actual transcript of the telephone conversation:

TG: How may I help you?
Me: I need to set up limosine services.
TG: Is this for travel already scheduled?
Me: No, it's transportation within the city for a company sponsored event.
TG: I see. And the name?
Me: I give him my boss' name, spelling the last name because it's one of those names that is spelled in a way that you're convinced someone's cat ran across the keyboard (multiple times) as it was being typed but actually sounds like "Smith".
TG: How will Mr. Smith be paying for this?
Me: Corporate AMEX.
TG: He's putting it on his corporate card?
Me: Yes.
TG: Account number (recites account number).
Me: Like I have his number committed to memory! Not to mention I've NEVER been asked to confirm a credit card number before! Yes.
TG: Are we picking him up at his home (proceeds to recite home address).
Me: No. I have an address for pick up. (I recite the street address.)
TG: What is that?
Me: I don't know. I just have the address. It could be his townhouse but I'm not sure.
TG: What's the zip code?
Me: I don't have that information.
TG: Well, I need that to schedule the pick up.
Me: Realizing boss is in the office next to mine, probably standing near the doorway. Hang on one minute. (covering mouthpiece of phone - yelling) Mr. Smith!!!

No response (which actually, when you think about it, could be used as Exhibit A-1. Like the (A-1) sauce. Not really all that strong by itself but boy can it bring out the flavor of the meat!)

Me: (back into the phone) He didn't hear me.
TG: I can look it up on mapquest.
Me: (Look at destination, realize no address number or zip code is listed, turn to computer and pull up mapquest myself.)
TG: I found it. (He recites the zip code he found to me.) Does that sound right?
Me: (Pull phone away from my ear, make face and exaggerated arm gesture, excuse me but didn't I just tell you I DON'T KNOW the zip code? How the heck would I know if it "sounded" right? put phone back to ear) I have no idea. (rolling eyes) Sure, whatever.
TG: Do you know the name of these townhouses?
Me: I don't know that it is his townhouse. It may not be. But to answer your question, I don't know the name of the townhouses he lives in. And this may not be his townhouse anyway. Don't put that on there because it may not be his townhouse.
TG: So where are we taking him?
Me: (I give him name address and zip code of destination.)
TG: What time do we need to pick him up at the townhouse?
Me: I don't know that it is his townhouse but he needs to be picked up at the address I gave you at 6:30 pm.
TG: Okay, so what time does he need to be picked up from (name of destination)?
Me: 9:45 pm
TG: Okay, so let's recap: We have him being picked up from his townhouse at 6:30 pm, address (gives address).
Me: (interrupting) I DON'T KNOW THAT THAT IS HIS TOWNHOUSE!
TG: (continuing as if I hadn't said anything) We will pick him up at 9:45 pm and bring him home.
Me: Those are the right times and addresses but I don't know that the address is his townhouse. I don't know the address to the townhouse. That needs to be removed from the record in case it's not.
TG: Okay, is there anything else I can do for you today?
Me: Yes, is it possible to put in the record that this needs to be charged immediately? We want to prepay for the services.
TG: We can do that. He's putting this on his corporate card?
Me: Yes. Also, he wanted me to be sure the limo service had his cell number, just in case they had difficulty locating him.
TG: He wants the limo service to have his cell number in case they get lost going to his townhouse?
Me: (through gritted teeth) I don't know that that is his townhouse! He wants them to have the number in case they need to reach him for any reason! Can that be included in his record?
TG: Of course.

We finish up the call with him telling me he would email me the confirmation. I submit to you Exhibit A. (Due to technical difficulties I cannot post the confirmation but in big bold letters it said to pick up the passenger at his TOWNHOME!!!!! P.S. there was no zip code listed anywhere on the confirmation either) No mention was made of prepayment or cell number.

I called the limo company directly. No mention was made on what they received about prepayment so I set that up directly (and they charged immediately, thank you very much...did I mention I spoke with a WOMAN at the limo service? yeah!). As for the cell number, she said a number was included and proceeded to give me the number provided, which happened to be MY work number. Yeah, when the limo service is trying to locate Mr. Smith, it will be good that they call my work number, after hours, on a Friday night. We fixed that too. (When I saw the confirmation had it listed as his townhome I went to Mr. Smith. He confirmed that it WAS his townhome so I didn't have to address that with the limo company - but that wasn't the point.)

So, with that, Your Honor, I rest this case.

Tune in tomorrow when we look at the hypnotic properties or gravitational pull of a woman's breasts, also known as "excuse me sir but my eyes are up here!"

What the devil?

At the recommendation of Honey, I decided to wait to read Jennifer Crusie's Strange Bedfellows. In its place I'll be reading Shirley Jump's The Devil Served Tortellini.

For Maria Pagliano, too much of a good thing has always been a problem. Whether it's men or carbs, she just can't say no. But that's about to change. For her high school reunion, Maria's vowed to reinvent herself as a woman who has her life strictly in order. No more pasta, bread, dessert, or datingeven if the menu offering is one sexy chef named Dante Del Rosso.

Everything about Dante is off-limits. From his come-hither smile to his sultry way around the kitchen in his Boston restaurant, he's too much temptation...for her taste buds and her heart. Just being around the guy makes her crave more. The only thing to do is go cold turkey on Dante. But he has other ideas. Now, this devil is out to woo his dream woman using every spicy, sweet, and sinfully delicious weapon he's got. And once Maria gets a taste of the real thing, how can she possibly settle for anything less?

Last chance

Okay, I'm giving Jennifer Crusie another try. I've only read one of her books before now and I have to say, I hated it. I didn't like the hero or heroine. I didn't like "the bad guy" (in fact I HATED the bad guy) and I didn't much like the friend, that recommended the book, for a while. In fact, I haven't read - or finished - a book she's recommended since then.

Anyway, I've heard such wonderful things about Ms Crusie's books and I want to give her another chance. And she was so funny accepting her Rita in Reno. My local RWA chapter sells member donated books at their meetings for $1 to raise money to buy the speaker's books to give as giveaways at our meetings. They had Ms. Crusie's Strange Bedpersons at one meeting so I snatched it up.

But this is it. If I have the same "I wanna beat the shift outta someone" feeling when I finish this book as I did the last one, I won't read another of her books - ever, except under threat of severe torture. So, if you know this is the wrong one of her books for me to read to get the warm fuzzies, STOP ME NOW, before I start it.

I've been tagged! Gasp!

Okay, so I'm minding my own business reading a response to a friend's blog about not having anything to blog about. The response said they were tagging the blogger. Laughing to myself I run over to the responder's blog to see what the tag was because I love reading those things and think it's funny when unsuspecting people get tagged. Well, in THAT blog, three people were tagged, among them one Lucy S. I'm thinking "I wonder who that is" because after all Mel (she only needs one name, like Cher or Madonna) has no idea who I am...does she? I click on the link and *GASP* it takes me to MY blog. Suddenly tagging isn't as funny as it was two minutes ago. LOL

Okay, so here's the deal: I need to list 15 facts and personal preferences (quirks, habits, whatever) about books.

Here goes:

1. I love the escape a book gives.
2. I like reading a variety of different genres.
3. Until recently, John Grisham and Nicholas Sparks were automatic buys. (Their last few books have put them back in the "gotta read the back cover first" category again.)
4. Mary Higgins Clark is still an automatic buy.
5. I sometimes get embarrassed by the book cover of the book I'm reading - but I still read it, and enjoy it.
6. I love discovering new authors.
7. I hadn't ever read a Julia Quinn book when I accosted her at the Reno Airport in July.
8. After reading one of Julia Quinn's book, I'm now a huge fan of her work.
9. I love books that make me laugh out loud, snort or laugh until tears are streaming.
10. I love books that can grab me at an emotional level that they can make me cry.
11. I'm not a fan of alpha males in books.
12. If I can figure out who the killer is, anyone else can figure it out by reading the back cover - but I love reading mysteries anyway.
13. I own every single book ever published by Cheryl Bolen .
14. I love that I can order books from amazon.com and they will be delivered to my door...eventually.
15. My TBR pile is high enough that if I read one book a day until I read every book in the pile, I would be reading into the new year.

Okay, so now I have to tag three people. I don't suppose I can re-tag Mel and Pam can I? No? Okay, I tag Sam, Aura, and Maria (who I'm sure has no idea this blog exists). :o)

Is your glass half empty or half full?

So, someone takes a glass and fills it half-way to the top and asks you, "Is the glass half empty or half full?" what do you say? No matter how you answer, you've told the person something about yourself. A person who answers "half empty" could be telling the person that they are hard to satisfy - it's never enough. It's related more to the negative.

On the other hand, a person who answers "half full" is saying they're happy with what they get - it's more positive.

With that in mind, I considered my position on the matter today. I came to the conclusion that while my glass is half full, I'm not altogether happy with what's in it.

Shameless Plug

I finished reading One Golden Ring by Cheryl Bolen last night. I started it Thanksgiving day and probably would have finished it that day except I made a commitment to myself to complete some tasks around the house. I had a hard time putting it down.

Fiona Hollingsworth was first introduced in Ms. Bolen's The Counterfeit Countess. In The Counterfeit Countess, Fiona loses her love to another woman. One Golden Ring is Fiona's story of love. It opens with her needing to secure a large sum of money to pay a ransom for her beloved brother, Randolph. Though her family is a respected member of the ton, they have endured many setbacks in the past few years and no longer possess the wealth they once had. So, in order to save her brother, she offers herself in marriage to the wealthiest man in town, Nicholas (Nick) Birmingham.

Nicholas Birmingham has worked hard for everything he has. He is a respected business man but despite the fact that he has more money than anyone else, he is not deemed worthy of courting a woman of the ton because of his lineage. So, when Fiona offers himself to him he declines but offers the money she needs anyway. Fiona declines, refusing to take charity. After mulling it over, Nick realizes that Fiona intends to marry someone, one way or another, and he decides he is as good as any and they wed.

This was a sweet love story and timely for the holidays as it begins just before Christmas and ends a year later, at Christmas. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Dog Days

I spent several hours yesterday raking my backyard and bagging up leaves. I am so sore today it hurts to blink. (Okay, it's not that bad but my legs and back do ache today.)

Anyway, I left the bags of leaves on the back patio because trash day isn't until Monday and who wants to move a gazillion bags of "garbage" if they don't have to? I get up this morning and while reading my email I hear the dogs in the backyard and I'm hearing some strange noises. I have french doors looking out onto the patio and while the blinds are closed, I can see "images" through them. I looked out and realized my dogs were in the vicinity of the bags of leaves and it dawns on me...they are probably ripping open the bags of leaves. I jump up and run to the back door and sure enough, Brewsky has his head buried in one of the bags - which has been ripped open. I fuss at them and they came in the house but now I have to rebag leaves today. UGH!

(P.S. I feel a little bad because while writing this, it dawned on me that I scooped up some of their more worn out toys with the leaves. What if Brewsky was just trying to save his favorite toy?)

Things that annoy

I'm one of those people that hate to shop. Any kind of shopping (well, except for books on amazon.com, which my Visa rep can verify). When it's absolutely necessary I do it, but I'm in and out as quickly as I can.

Today was a must shop day (boys needed food). I went after work, like everyone else in town. Anyway, I get to the bread aisle. All I want is a loaf of bread and muffins, if they have them.

The bread aisle was a popular aisle. There were at least half a dozen baskets (along with a bazillion people) on the aisle, not to mention a stocker with one of those dollies stocking the shelves.

As I approach the bread there is this lady with two kids (a boy and a girl about 5 and 3, respectively, I would guess) blocking where I wanted to be. I was patient because they were there first. The lady hands a loaf to the boy who starts running and darting through the maze of shopping carts until he reaches a cart just behind me, where I realize his father is. He slam dunks the bread into the cart and weaves his way back to his mother, who is still blocking the bread I want.

The boy says something to his mother and the mother says something back. None of which I hear but after the mother's comment the boy squeals something about needing to take something back to the cart and the mother tells him she doesn't have anything for him to take back to the cart. He darts back through the carts to his father, upset.

The mother finally moves to the other side of the aisle and I move up to the bread products. I snatch up what I need only to be stalled by the dolly in the aisle. On the other side is the mother with her two kids now. This time the daughter starts darting through the carts and people in the aisle. I look over at the father (who's now beside me) and he's staring intently at something in his shopping cart.

At this point, I'm pretty annoyed. Neither parent is saying anything to the kids about staying out of the way, to be careful or anything they should be saying. Instead, they're allowing their kids to do whatever they want in a very congested grocery store aisle.

Two carts were maneuvering themselves around the dolly and barely had clearance to get through without hitting each other...they were moving very slowly to avoid that. Yet, the daughter darted between the two carts just before they collided. And still neither parent said a word. I glared at the father, who was still engrossed in whatever was in their shopping cart. I again looked at the mother, who had just handed the boy something to take back to the cart. The boy was, once again, darting through the maze of shoppers and carts and instead of saying something helpful like "be careful" or "watch out for whatever", she says, "Don't throw it into the cart, it will break." She yelled this over two carts and at least three people. I made eye contact with one of the other shoppers and we exchanged "can you believe this shift" looks with one another.

It was at this time I saw my opening to get around the dolly, out of loaves of bread and into the muffin area. As I was negotiating my way around the dolly, I saw the boy's hand raise high in the air as he went to slam dunk whatever he had in his hand into the shopping cart.

I didn't hear a crash but I didn't look back to see what had happened. What I know didn't happen is nothing was said by the parents.

Don't get me wrong, I love kids. Have always wanted to have kids, even now. But I don't think there is a good reason to 1) flat out not watch your kids in a public place; and 2) expect others to watch out for your kids, again, in a public place.

I'm not a confrontational person or I would have said something to one or both of the parents because I was pretty annoyed. It took me no less than ten minutes to get down the aisle to get two items, due in no small part to two kids weaving in and out of "traffic". I was so annoyed.

Okay, this concludes this rant.

I'll be happy when...

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, when we are able to go on a nice vacation or when we retire. The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right no. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges.

It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with...and remember that times waits for no one.


So, stop waiting...
Until your car or home is paid off.
Until you get a new car or home.
Until your kids leave the house.
Until you go back to school.
Until you lose 10 lbs.
Until you gain 10 lbs.
Until you get married.
Until you get a divorce.
Until you have kids.
Until you retire.
Until summer.
Until spring.
Until winter.
Until fall.
Until you die.


There's no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one's watching.

Where it all started

I don't know why I thought about this today but I did.

A couple of years ago I received in the mail a video tape. My father had taken some old home movies and had them put on video - to music.

When I watched it, it explained a lot. On the video was my first Christmas (actually probably my second because I would have been a month old for my first). My mother was holding my hands in the air and walking me into the living room. At first I wasn't even sure it was me because I have two older sisters and they were no where to be seen.

Then the camera panned to the doorway of the living room and here came my sisters 3 and 5 years old (assuming it was my second Christmas). You can tell they are squealing and running to the toys under the tree (Santa didn't wrap the presents he left...only the one's friends and family brought were wrapped).

The video shows my sisters opening a present, squealing and holding it up to the camera. One by one. And it would show my mother opening a present and smiling, holding it up for the camera.

This went on for a while and it dawned on me, I haven't been seen since I was walked in the room.

It was like that thought was anticipated because suddenly the camera pans out to show the entire room again. I'm sitting in the middle of the room, facing my father with the camera, a cookie in either hand. Behind me is all the excitement that is Christmas but I don't care, I have my cookies.

So, now you know where my love for chocolate/cookies comes from and you know that all it takes to make me happy is a cookie in either hand. ;o)

Home for the Holidays

I'm so excited about the upcoming holidays. Not because I'm such a holiday person...I'm not. In fact, I'm almost anti-holiday (long story). Part of that has to do with the fact that I always feel obligated to go somewhere and act a certain way, when in fact I don't want to be there.

This year is different though. I'm not going anywhere. No one is expecting me (I sent an email to my step-father saying I wasn't coming and he said he understood...okay I fudged a little on my reason but the result is the same). I'm so excited!!!

I only have the four day weekend for Thanksgiving but I'll have it all to myself. To do whatever I want.

For Christmas I am two days shy of having two full weeks off (one day if you count the day after New Years) AND NO WHERE TO GO!!! YES!

I may have mentioned this somewhere before but when my mother was alive, we celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve so I spent Christmas Day at the movie theater. After she died, I started visiting my step-father and the movie tradition ended. This year I can do it - if I want to. I'm really excited about this.

So anyway, those are my plans (nothing I don't want to do) for the holidays, what are your plans?

The problem with quizzes

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent.Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art. You would make an excellent: Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer Dancer - DJ - Graphic DesignerIllustrator - Musician - Sculptor The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

What's" Your Ideal Career?

Here's how the conversation would go:

Me: I'm giving my two week notice.
Boss: What?
Me: I have to quit. My last day will be two weeks from today.
Boss: Next week is a holiday week, you're only working three days.
Me: Doesn't matter. I leave in two weeks.
Boss: Is there something we can do to change your mind?
Me: I have to do this.
Boss: You have to? Why?
Me: A blog quiz said being a secretary would be the worst career move I could make.
Boss: (looking at me like I've just grown an extra head or something) A blog quiz? (Deciding it's none of his business) What are you going to do?
Me: I don't know yet. There were lots of recommendations. I think I'll start with the Book Editor job.

The Yellow shirt (A love story)

The baggy yellow shirt had long sleeves, four extra-large pockets trimmed in black thread and snaps up the front. It was faded from years of wear, but still in decent shape. I found it in 1963 when I was home from college on Christmas break, rummaging through bags of clothes Mom intended to give away. "You're not taking that old thing, are you?" Mom said when she saw me packing the yellow shirt. "I wore that when I was pregnant with your brother in 1954!"

"It's just the thing to wear over my clothes during art class, Mom. Thanks!" I slipped it into my suitcase before she could object. The became a part of my college wardrobe. I loved it. After graduation, I wore the shirt the day I moved into my new apartment and on Saturday mornings when I cleaned.

The next year, I married. When I became pregnant, I wore the yellow shirt during big-belly days. I missed Mom and the rest of my family, since we were in Colorado and they were in Illinois. But that shirt helped. I smiled, remembering that Mother had worn it when she was pregnant, 15 years earlier.

That Christmas, mindful of the warm feelings the shirt had given me, I patched one elbow, wrapped it in holiday paper and sent it to Mom. When Mom wrote to thank me for her "real" gifts, she said the yellow shirt was lovely. She never mentioned it again.

The next year, my husband, daughter and I stopped at Mom and Dad's to pickup some furniture. Days later, when we uncrated the kitchen table, I noticed something yellow taped to its bottom. The shirt!

And so the pattern was set.

On our next visit home, I secretly placed the shirt under Mom and Dad's mattress. I don't know how long it took for her to find it, but almost two years passed before I discovered it under the base of our living-room floorlamp. The yellow shirt was just what I needed now while refinishing furniture. The walnut stains added character.

In 1975 my husband and I divorced. With my three children, I prepared tomove back to Illinois. As I packed, a deep depression overtook me. I wondered if I could make it on my own. I wondered if I would find a job. I paged through the Bible, looking for comfort. In Ephesians, I read, "So use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy whenever he attacks, and when it is all over, you will be standing up."

I tried to picture myself wearing God's armor, but all I saw was the stained yellow shirt. Slowly, it dawned on me. Wasn't my mother's love a piece of God's armor? My courage was renewed.

Unpacking in our new home, I knew I had to get the shirt back to Mother. The next time I visited her, I tucked it in her bottom dresser drawer.

Meanwhile, I found a good job at a radio station. A year later I discovered the yellow shirt hidden in a rag bag in my cleaning closet. Something new had been added. Embroidered in bright green across the breast pocket were the words "I BELONG TO PAT."

Not to be outdone, I got out my own embroidery materials and added an apostrophe and seven more letters. Now the shirt proudly proclaimed, "I BELONG TO PAT'S MOTHER." But I didn't stop there. I zig-zagged all the frayed seams, then had a friend mail the shirt in a fancy box to Mom from Arlington, VA. We enclosed an official looking letter from "The Institute for the Destitute," announcing that she was the recipient of an award for good deeds. I would have given anything to see Mom's face when she opened the box. But, of course, she never mentioned it.

Two years later, in 1978, I remarried. The day of our wedding, Harold and I put our car in a friend's garage to avoid practical jokers. After the wedding, while my husband drove us to our honeymoon suite, I reached for a pillow in the car to rest my head. It felt lumpy. I unzipped the case and found, wrapped in wedding paper, the yellow shirt. Inside a pocket was anote: "Read John 14:27-29. I love you both, Mother."

That night I paged through the Bible in a hotel room and found the verses: "I am leaving you with a gift: peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid. Remember what I told you: I am going away, but I will come back to you again. If you really love me, you will be very happy for me, for now I can go to the Father, who is greater than I am. I have told you these things before they happen so that when they do, you will believein me."

The shirt was Mother's final gift. She had known for three months that she had terminal Lou Gehrig's disease. Mother died the following year at age57.

I was tempted to send the yellow shirt with her to her grave. But I'm glad I didn't, because it is a vivid reminder of the love-filled game she and I played for 16 years. Besides, my older daughter is in college now, majoring in art. And every art student needs a baggy yellow shirt with big pockets.

Images

Within days of when I found out I was vaccinated with a fake flu shot the headline news in the area was the break-ins in this one subdivision. Mine! The burglar would ring the doorbell and if no one answered, he/she would kick the front door in, stealing jewelry, credit cards and money.

They surprised someone at one location and rather than retreating, they beat the crap out of the old man. He's still in the hospital.

The reason I'm telling you all this is because, up until all the break-ins started happening, I blocked off my bedroom door during the day (the break-ins were happening during working hours, so broad daylight) so my dogs wouldn't get on the bed and generally make a mess of my room while I was at work. Once this all came out, I decided to let my dogs get in the bedroom because it's in the front of the house and I figured they could alert any would-be burglars that the house was occupied (the blinds are always open about 5-6 inches so the dogs can look out).

Today was not an exception...despite the fact that there hasn't been a break-in (that I know of) in over a week, I allowed the dogs access to my bedroom while I was at work. When I got home and went into the bedroom I saw something white on the floor near the window. I got closer and realized it was the towel from my bathroom floor (I don't have bathroom rugs so each week when I do towels, I put a different towel out to step on...this week it was the white one). As I went over to collect the towel, I saw my pillow on the floor, propped up in an "L" shape against the night stand.

Next thing I know, I have this image in my head of my dog, Brewsky (not Max), reclining on the pillow with the towel/blanket held up to his chin with one paw while the other one held the TV remote, flipping channels.

Comedy Show

I just got home from a comedy show. It was a show with the Rock and Roll Hypnotist Martin Walsh.

Oh. My. Gosh! It was so funny.

He asked for volunteers to come up on stage. He had eight chairs and once they were full, no one else could come up (although he did come out into the audience and "handled" a couple of people who were going under). If they didn't go under, he asked them to sit down. He wasn't rude about it, I think he just didn't want to waste the time if they weren't really under.

An old man (who, by the way, had an obvious erection when he got on stage, but that's another story) wasn't really going under so he was the first to go. I think he tried but he just couldn't relax enough.

Then there was "Jeremy". He had a shirt on that said "My name is Richard". So when he told his name, the hypnotist asked why his shirt said his name is something else and he said, "because I'm a dick." (He may have been under then because that was a true statement. *innocent look*) He was on stage the whole show but I don't think he was under. The ladies at my table (front and center, thank you very much) and I believed he was under at first but what started as believable was taken to an extreme...either he was a plant gone bad or he wasn't really ever under.

Next was Tommy. I didn't think he was ever under but my friends disagreed. He wasn't asked to do much but I just wasn't quite convinced.

Michelle was sitting next to Tommy. Sometimes she seemed under, sometimes not. That was the general opinion at the end of the night...that she came in and out of it.

There was another woman and a man who never went under but they "played" along for awhile and then left.

One woman was up there for a while and then asked to go sit down. I wasn't convinced she was ever under but my friend said she thought she was. She was saying that she was watching her and that it was like she came out of it and realized what she was doing and that she was actually crying. I missed that part.

And last but not least was a woman whose name escapes me at the moment but I'm pretty sure it starts with a "C". If she was a plant, she was damn good. She was so sweet too. She got asked to do a lot of things. I figure that could be because she was really under and it didn't hurt that she was cute and sweet.

Anyway, among the things they did, C (it's driving me nuts that I can't remember her name) was told that the number six was removed from her memory. It was like there had never been a number six. Whenever she would count she would skip six and go to the next logical number. Then he had her hold her hands in front of her and told her to count as he pointed to her fingers. The first time she counted right, he gave her the suggestion again and did it again. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. She had 11 fingers! She just stared at her hands like she was trying figure out how THAT had happened. So he counted them again. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. She couldn't understand...she kept looking at her fingers. So he had her put her hands together and had her count by two. 2, 4, 8, 10, 12 Now she had 12 fingers! He told her she could sit down and she returned to her seat (on stage, that is) still staring at her hands, trying to figure out how she came up with 11 and 12 fingers.

Then he gave the suggestion that a cell phone would ring (which one was played in the room - either that or I was under too...except I didn't get the second half of the suggestion). The women would be pissed off - and vocal. The men, on the other hand, wouldn't hear it. Michelle had a few comments but C (what was her name???) was funny. She thought it was a man on the front row and told him that was rude sir. Sir. I think that was one of the reasons she was so likeable. She was very sweet and polite. Even when she's given the suggestion that she will be very vocal, she's still polite.

Then it was suggested that their favorite celebrity was in the audience. "Dick" suggested Julia Roberts was in the audience (at this point it was becoming obvious he wasn't under). C got excited and saw her too...the lady in the black shirt. Martin (the hypnotist, in case you forgot) asked her about Julia and she was so excited - said she'd loved her in Step Mom. Then he asked if she wanted to hug her. C said yes and went into the audience and hugged this woman three or four times. (Fortunately "Julia" was a good sport, although she looks nothing like she does in the movies...she must have good make-up people. ;o) )

She played air guitar, saw an entire audience nude, realized SHE was nude on the stage, smelled a fart, then realized she was the one that farted, watched a porno movie, then realized someone she knew was in it, and then so was she. She saw flying objects, became emotional during a song (from sad, to laughing, to crying, to laughing hysterically), OH, and he suggested that when he said something, they would ask to get laid. She asked and he was giving out leis. Told them that when they tugged on them that it would give "pleasure". She pulled on it quite a bit.

Like I said, if she was a plant, she was damn good. I hate that her name has left me. I'm sure it will come back to me but it's driving me nuts now.

Anyway, the bad thing was, as we were leaving we passed her. Her friends and family were telling her all she had done on the stage and she was mortified. My friend had seen her in the ladies room and said she was crying because she was embarrassed. I feel bad for her in that respect but it really was a good show.

So, that was my evening. I had fun. :o)

It's Official

Every morning when I wake up, I turn on the news.

One of the first things I saw this morning was about me - indirectly.

It would appear, that Leonardo DiCaprio has broken up with his long time girlfriend - a model. They weren't specific in the report as to why they broke up but I know it's because of my blog and my listing him as one of my freebies. He probably mentioned it to her and she looked it up and realized she couldn't compete.

I imagine she gave him an ultimatum - her or me. It's pretty clear how he chose...they broke up didn't they?

Something was mentioned in the report about him canoodling with Jude Law's ex - Sienna but I know that's just a cover...he wants to protect my privacy. He's good like that. So, every time he is reportedly with someone else, know he is thinking of me. ;o)

Dinner for One, Please

Most of you know (or should know?) that I am single.

I like being single - most of the time. Basically the only time I don't like being single is when I'm talking to someone and the subject comes up, for the first time, and they suddenly look at me differently. Like something must be wrong with me if I'm single. It's like they're thinking Well, she looks normal but something must be wrong because she is single. When their heads tilt to the side and they look me up and down, I know they're thinking I. just. can't. figure. out. what's. wrong. with. her. though.

For the most part I don't let that get to me, but occasionally it does. Like when it's time for a company function. I quit going to those. Of course, I don't particularly want to spend my free time with the people I work with so I don't necessarily consider that a sacrifice.

Then there's married. I've been married - once, for 8 years. I've never been more unhappy in my life. I realize that (being so unhappy in marriage, that is) puts a slant on things for me but I see my married friends and see them going through things I did and it makes me nuts. Like a hot button for me. For example, I'm going out with some friends tomorrow night...a ladies night out. Being single, I can do that with no problem.

One of my friends had to get permission from her husband to go. She had to see if he would be willing to "babysit" the kids. First of all, why is it watching the kids when she does it but babysitting (aka a chore) when he does it? Those are his kids too and some quality time between him and the kids would be good. It was all I could do not to say what I thought about that. But I digress.

Anyway, I remember the days when I had to ask permission to go out with the girls (we didn't even have kids to watch). It was rarely granted and I could never take our only car. He would either drop me off or tell me someone would have to pick me up...when it was "allowed". Meanwhile they (men) might call from work and announce they're going out with the guys. No permission requested and look out if you suggest it's not a good idea! My ex would let me know he was going out and also that he intended to be driving because he couldn't go out without a car.

Don't get me wrong, I know not all men or all relationships are like what I just described but I believe the majority of them are. Finding one (a man) not like that is rare. Finding one that is also single and available is even rarer.

I'm not opposed to being in a serious relationship, or even being married for that matter, but I have no desire to be in a relationship that is one-sided. So, until such time that I meet the perfect man for me, I'm happy being single.

Check please.

You Made Me Love You

Do you ever get a song stuck in your head that you would kill to get out of your head?

That happened to me today. You Made Me Love You kept playing over and over in my head all day today.

Well, at least it started in my head but before I knew it I was humming it - out loud.

Next thing I know, I'm singing - in my office. The worst part is I don't know all the words so it went something like this (pretend I can sing for a moment):

You made me love you,
I didn't want to do it,
da da da da da da da

(louder) You made me love you,
the da da da da da,
da da da da da da

(louder still and imagine a slight shimmying going on) Gimme gimme gimme gimme what I cry for
da da da da da da da da da da da

You know you made me love youuuuuuuuuuuu

Wait, it gets worse (no, noone actually walked in on me while I was singing and shimmying, thank goodness!).

I'm trying to get the song out of my head when I think of another version I've heard of it, which then gets stuck in my head.

A bit of history...I LOVE Billy Crystal. He was the first guest on the Tonight Show when Jay Leno took over. Bette Midler had been on the last night that Johnny Carson was on the Tonight Show. Bette had sung a song for him and while it may have been to this tune, I don't know for certain. I remember the show being emotional but that was about it.

I do, however, remember the first Tonight Show with Jay Leno. As I said, Billy Crystal was his first guest and he said something about not being out done by Bette Midler, she had sung a song for Johnny so he had a song to sing for Jay. I don't remember the whole thing but the first part has stayed with me all these years. It's to the tune of You Made Me Love You and went like this...

I am your first guest,
I didn't want to do it,
My agent really blew it

and went on from there - that's all I remember though. Anyway, all day long those two "songs" were going through my head...and they're still there.

Yeah, it was a fun day. LOL

Freebies (aka "to do" lists)

You know the rules. Nobody gets hurt - no harm, no foul.

If the opportunity presented itself and noone would be hurt, who would be on your top five "to do" list? (Drool optional)

My list is as follows (in no particular order):

1. Nicolas Cage
He has this charisma that just does it for me. Not to mention that, well, in The City of Angels his er, considerable assets were exposed. Mmm, hmm, his wife is one lucky lady.

2. Leonardo DiCaprio

His, um, assets were also exposed in one of his earlier movies (Total Eclipse) and while they are someone lacking, I'm sure he knows how to use what he has. (where is the whistling guy when you need him?

3. Michael E. Knight

What can I say? I thought he was sexy 25 years ago when he started on All My Children. Nothing has changed. I wanted him then, I want him now. Yum!

4. Gary Sinise

Okay for some reason his picture would paste here...probably too hot, I'm sure. He's another one that if I were going for looks only, wouldn't make it but he has such a magnetism to him. Hmmm. That's all I'm going to say.

5. Josh Duhamel

Sure he's young but what's your point? He was on All My Children for a couple of years and then went to prime time...Vegas. He's the reason I watched that show. Not that James Caan was bad to look at. Hmmm....James Caan.

Okay, so that's my "to do" list. What is yours? (Now I'm thinking 5 was too short a list. Seriously, where's my whistle guy? ;o) )

Favorite Movies

I have Catch Me if You Can on. I saw it opening weekend when it premiered. The decision to see it was based solely on who was in the movie...Tom Hanks and Leonardo DiCaprio. I had no idea what the movie was about. I thought it was an action thriller, which doesn't usually attract me - not that I don't like them when I see them, they just don't grab me when I see the trailers.

The movie was completely sold out. I had to sit in between two people I'd never met.

I was so pleasantly surprised that it was a comedy, although I don't think the woman on my left appreciated me laughing my ass off throughout the movie. That's what happens when I'm taken by surprise with humor (same thing happened when I went to see Mr. & Mrs. Smith, except that it wasn't sold out and I had gone with friends...didn't know it was a comedy and laughed long and hard throughout the movie).

Anyway, I'm watching Catch Me if You Can, again and the difference now and when I first saw it is, I start laughing earlier because I know something funny is fixin' (I'm southern, deal with it ;o) ) to happen. Seriously, you don't want to see a movie with me if I've already seen it...I start laughing five minutes before the joke is told.

So now you know, Catch Me if You Can is one of my favorite movies. What are your favorite movies and why (if there is a reason ;o) )?

That word you're looking for...

Well, one would be PLEASE, the other would be THANK YOU. I'm talking to people who seem to think the world revolves around them. You know them, the ones when your world is crashing down around you and they want to know how it's going to impact them. Because goodness knows, we have to plan our breakdowns around THEIR needs.

And no, I'm not having a breakdown...today - not that she would care. However, yesterday, even though I had a migraine, I went in to help her out because she's traveling the next week and a half. I wanted to be sure she had everything she needed.

Meanwhile, something I promised my other attorney (who was on vacation Wed-Fri) I'd do Wednesday (he'd promised it to someone for Tuesday) didn't get done until today. I had to put my foot down on that too because she didn't see the need. I told her I would stay as late as she needed me to tonight but she said she HAD to leave by 5:00 today.

We got out of the office at 5:45. The urgency for her to get out by 5:00 was because she had scheduled a racquetball game for after work. Um, excuse me, but how does that take precedence over something needed by our manager? That's right, my other attorney is her boss too.

We walked out together so I assume she had everything she needed (I gave her my home number - just in case) but it annoys the hell out of me how she treats me sometimes. Someone really needs to point out those three words I started this blog about because they apparently aren't part of her vocabulary.

That concludes this rant.........

I have a problem

It's noon my time. I started this post yesterday. It started "By the time you read this it will probably be too late. I will have purchased this book off of Amazon.com."

I was right...it is too late. I ordered it last night. And it's all Lynn Daniels' fault. How you ask? Well, a few weeks ago I was checking out her blog and noticed a set of links. One said "humor girl". And since I like humor, I clicked on the link and came to Jill Shalvis's blog. The entry was humorous so I set her blog up as a favorite.

I checked it every day (still do actually). It wasn't until weeks later - after I was hopelessly addicted to Jill's blog - that I discovered that Jill's blog was directly UNDER "humor girl's" blog on Lynn's page...I'd clicked on the wrong thing. Now I'm buying her book.

So as you can see, it is ALL Lynn's fault. The prosecution rests.

And as of this writing, I've still never made it to humor girl's blog. ;o)