Running - Day 3

Well, I went running last night. Since Brewsky was the dog I took with me, there was no chase him warm up or cool down.

I clipped on the MP3 player and was listening to some good tunes with someone telling me when to walk and when to run. You know, I thought I was doing better than I am because I could still feel the burn when I ran (one minute is a LONG time - don't let anyone ever tell you differently!). Anyway, I had taken a shorter route than what I take when I walk them (but longer than I took Harley the other day) but I wasn't near being done when I got back close to my house. So I went down another street, thinking there was no way I wouldn't be done by the time I made it back around to my house. I was coming back around the corner by my house and looked at the time on the MP3 player - I'd been going for 20 minutes. The session is just over 30 minutes but I decided to pack it in and go home - I was too close. So, as I rounded the corner, she said "this is your next to last run". I responded with "uh, that was two runs ago sweetie" and I walked the rest of the way home. I felt like such a loser but well, I was dying and decided I'd rather die in the privacy of my own home than on the streets in my neighborhood. Plus, recent experience has shown that Brewsky wouldn't have run for help - he'd just have run (although he was pretty tuckered when we got home so maybe he would've just laid down beside me 'til he got his second wind).

Anyway, I got home and changed clothes and logged on to the computer to look up the link for the podcasts - I'd told someone at work I'd send the link. Well, I clicked on the wrong thing and ended up at the coolrunning.com webpage. For the first couple of weeks it says to do the routine for 20 minutes! Not 30 - 20! Which means I accomplished the task. Yeah, I'm still dying but I did it.

And the thing is, I do actually feel better after I've done it. In the long haul it will be good for me too - once I get used to it.

Oh, and something else I've learned about myself through this whole experience. The other day I went to the grocery store. I was buying healthy food to go with the exercise program. I'm walking/running now, with the goal of running a half-marathon by March. But what did I do? I drove around for ten minutes looking for a good spot. Apparently I'm one of those people - the ones who drive around a while to find a spot at the gym so they can walk on the treadmill, sort of people. Anyway, the irony didn't really sink in until I was walking into the store. If I'm going to run/walk 13.1 miles, I can surely walk a little further to get into the store, don't you think? Next time!

Happy halloween!

Save yourself!

That's kind of what I was thinking last night as I went out for my run. I hadn't seen the link to the Couch to 5K podcast Mel provided so I was on my own again, running when I thought I should and stopping when - okay, let's be honest, stopping when I wanted to.

I took Harley this time and somehow managed to avoid the whole chase-Brewsky-down-the-street-because-he-got-loose-as-I-tried-to-get-out warmup of the other night. Harley, who has in the past been the best walker, not pulling or stopping to pee or anything, decided that last night was the night he wanted to change HIS style. At first he was pulling on the leash and then he'd want to stop and smell something and then I'D pull the leash. When we ran, he would get immediately in front of me so that I was afraid of stepping on him or tripping over him and FALLING on him. He apparently had the same fears because he periodically looked over his shoulder with a "OMG this crazy lady is gaining on me" look on his face. I took a detour of our usual walk (making it shorter because I didn't think I could handle the full one, walking and running) and when we would walk, when Harley would want to stop, I reached a point where I thought, "Am I crazy? Let the dog stop and smell the roses - I'll just lie down here so he doesn't feel rushed." I didn't do that - I just thought about it because I knew it would be harder to get back up and he wasn't likely to send back help.

Anyway, overall he was actually okay (other than me thinking I was going to trip over and fall on him). It kind of made me think his previous owner might have been a runner. Either that or in his previous life he was chased by what he perceived to be a crazy lady.

Anyway, we made it back home in one piece and getting back into the house is usually the easy part. I'd put my house key in my shoe and thought I'd felt it shift as I stepped up onto the porch. I reached into my shoe and had it, until it slipped down into the shoe so that I had to take the shoe off, only to find it empty. I took off the other shoe and there it was. So, I was holding both shoes and Harley's leash, opening the door. Normally the other dogs will back away from the door and let whoever enter. Not last night. Brewsky saw my vulnerability and darted past me, as did Max. I dove for Brewsky (Max is usually pretty easy to handle) as my shoes went flying. I missed him but the dive was broken by the corner of the door jamb. Max and Harley both stopped (okay so I still had a hold of the leash with Harley attached to it but I'd like to think he wanted to stay behind) and Brewsky ran down the street, obviously thinking I needed a "cool down" portion of my run (little did he know I was content to do my cool down in the comfort of my living room). I changed shoes and came back to the front door to find Brewsky waiting to get in. It would have been okay but Max pushed past to get out and he took off again. He went as far as my next door neighbor's.

So, the run was okay but the "events" at home aren't as "fun". And I have a big old bruised goose egg over my left temple to prove it. I woke up in the middle of the night with pain in my left knee too (apparently the left side of my body is the sissy-side of my body) but I'm doing better this morning. And I'm looking forward to running tomorrow with the podcast that tells me "run" now "walk" now "run again" on the official times I'm supposed to. (Thanks Mel!) :)

Oh what a feeling!

I love that everyone is being so supportive of my joining in on the marathon fever. Really, I am. But I've discovered something about myself. I'm a follower. I'm not the leader - the pied piper, or the person with the great idea. No, I'm the one who gets tapped on the shoulder and asked "where's everyone going?" I say something like, "I don't know, something was said about a bridge, something about jumping. . . it sounds like fun though. Join us!"

It was that way with school. Last year Kristen and Ellen decided to go back to school. I followed suit in the spring.

It was like that with the marathon too. Inspired by others, I jumped right on the marathon train (oh if it were only that easy) with both feet and registered before I could change my mind.

Today is day two and I worked out with Richard . . . Simmons. I was sweating to the oldies. Tomorrow I will run again (I'll take Harley this time I think - and we'll hopefully skip the "chase down Brewsky as he bolts out the door and down the street" warm-up we had yesterday). I'm going to plow through the pain and work to achieve the goal of finishing a half-marathon in March.

In the meantime, I'm being told how cool it is that I'm doing this. People are proud of me. People are envious of me - or at least of what I'm doing/trying to accomplish. It's a nice feeling, really it is, but I can't help but find it kind of funny that I can't feel my legs but I'm inspiring people. :)

Torture - Day One

Well, I've done it. I registered for the half-marathon in Little Rock. It's happening March 15, 2009 and I'll be there.

The exercise started last night - with my credit card. After I registered for the marathon, I went to the mall to get proper running shoes (not sure I've accomplished that task sufficiently but we're going to try what we have for now). The shoes cost more than the marathon.

I left there and went and bought an MP3 player (my first) so I could download tunes while running. Turns out you have to pay for tunes so my credit card got even more exercise (and because of some computer glitch that I stayed up ALL NIGHT trying to fix, I can't even download songs - don't get me started).

I finally gave up and went to bed about 5:30 this morning, got a few hours of sleep and decided to start training (more like get the running for the day over with but whatever). I got dressed, and was going to take Max with me. Brewsky didn't care for that and darted out the door and ran down the street (he started out too fast and burned out quickly - which was a good thing, all things said and done). I got him in and then Max and I hit the ground running - well, not immediately but still. . . you get the idea.

By my third round of running and then walking, I could feel it in my legs and was wishing I lived closer to where I was at the moment (I think Max was too, truth told) but we kept on. (Kind of because we had to but that's beside the point.)

We finally made it home and I had an epiphany - I understand what they mean when they say there is a runner's high. It's not so much a feeling a runner has so much as a state of being - anyone who enjoys running has GOT to be high! It probably started with a Jeff Spicoli kind of person (Sean Penn's character from Fast Times at Ridgemont High) saying something like "Duuuudddde, that runner's high." Someone heard "Duuuuudddde, that's runner's high." and the rest, as they say, is history. That has to be it.

Anyway, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go settle into a running induced coma now . . .

Someday has arrived

Several years ago my ex-boss's wife ran a marathon. She was at least in her late fifties, possibly in her early sixties. I was very impressed. And a bit jealous because it's something I'd like to do myself. Yet, I did nothing about it then. Time went by and I still did nothing about it. I'd hear about upcoming marathons and think "someday". But still, I did nothing.

Fast forward to this past week. Wednesday we had an offsite team building activity at work and I carpooled with two other ladies to the event. During the course of conversation, one of the ladies mentioned that she was training for the half-marathon in January. The bug of jealousy bit me again but I just kind of swatted at the pesky little thing.

That evening I logged on to the internet, stopping by my usual places and came across a post (can't remember where I first saw it to be honest) where a writer friend of mine, Mel, along with another friend of hers were gearing up for half-marathons and decided to blog about their journeys here. I was really impressed and inspired but I still got out the can of bug killer for the jealousy bug flying about.

THEN, the next day I was chatting with this man at work that I not so secretly have a crush on (everyone but him knows about the crush - at least I hope he doesn't know) and he tells me HE's training for a half-marathon.

It's like the story where the river starts rising and rescuers try to save this man who keeps saying "Jesus will save me". He passes on the vehicles that come, the boats that come, the helicopter that comes - all to save him. Then, when he dies in the flood he asks Jesus, "why didn't you save me?" and Jesus responds, "Well, I sent you a vehicle, a boat and a helicopter..."

Now, it's not like I'm going to die if I don't do this or anything but I do think there's something to the fact that in such a short time it's become like THE topic of conversation among my friends and I want to take a look at that. It's something I've wanted to do for a while and if I do it this time around, I won't be doing it alone.

So, I've been online and the Houston Marathon is full - I can't run in that marathon but I CAN run in the Little Rock marathon in March, with Mel. Tell me this isn't fated. It falls on the first weekend of my spring break. My step-father lives in Arkansas so I could visit him (and not have to kennel my dogs!) and see Mel. How can I not think I'm supposed to do this - now?

I do have to admit though, that heavy breathing you're hearing from me at the moment isn't because I'm winded from just running - or because I'm excited or anything. No, sadly it's the kind of breathing that comes from hyperventilating. I mean, I am excited about this but I'm also anxious about this. But I can do this, right? Just because I throw up a little every time I say (or type) that I'm going to do this doesn't mean anything. It doesn't!

But that all said, I'm all in. I AM doing this because someday has arrived!

Greatest American Hero

For Maria, who had never heard of the Greatest American Hero - one of my favorite shows from the 80s. The premise was he was a reluctant hero, having been selected by the aliens. They provided the suit and a manual, but he lost the manual and had to wing it - figuring out what it did as he went. Kind of like Stephanie Plum, she doesn't really know what she's doing so she plays it by ear.

Oh, and he was a high school teacher by day - super hero by night.

Loved the show. :)

Gender-neutral Friendships

Growing up my best friend was a boy named Darryl. Our mothers were best friends and so we were always together. We were about five when I realized we had differences. You see, that's the first time I had the "show me yours and I'll show you mine" conversation (and for the record, I've never known a male who wasn't willing to show his - just saying). I was shocked and stunned and devastated because we didn't have the same "equipment". But I still didn't think we were really all that different. Of course, that was before I tried to pee standing up. (Don't ask.)

Until that point in time, I was completely unaware of any boundaries or differences between boys and girls.

But, as time went by the differences seemed to become more "obvious". Interacting with the opposite sex had to mean something. You couldn't just be friends. There was a time when I thought it was just my family that had that view point (I can't talk about my male friends without starting the story with "we're just friends. he's married/gay/whatever." and interjecting that into whatever story I'm telling a couple of times and closing with that as well.) but recently I've found myself being asked about SCG. Granted, there was a time when I had feelings that went beyond friendship for him but that's all in the past. We really are just good friends now.

When I was in San Francisco, SCG kept in touch with me via text messages. He woke me up, at least once, texting me (two hour time difference SCG!!! when you're arriving at work, it's still the middle of the night in SF!). The day I evacuated for Ike, he called me to be sure I was okay and find out what my plans were. He kept in touch with me throughout the entire thing and came over the first day I got home and helped me clean up the mess in my yard, without me asking for help.

He's introduced me to his family - and we've all bonded. (His wife and I go to lunch without him!)

If he were female, no one would question anything about it. But the penis factor makes it all suspect to many - most, actually. I find myself getting asked if he's "my guy" a lot. Uh, no, he's my friend!

I'm tired of trying to explain it. I'm tired of trying to understand it. I'm tired of trying to figure out when it became unnatural to be friends with someone just because of gender. I'm going to quit trying to figure it out. When Harry Met Sally is one of my all time favorite movies and in it they ask the question, can men and women just be friends. Well, you know, I don't care what people think because I've decided I'm going to stop analyzing it and just be thankful that we're such good friends. Because, you know, penis or no penis, such good friends are hard to come by.

Sweet. :)

The romantic in me really likes this. :)

In Case of Emergency...

When I got my new job I noticed that there was a sign like thing on the door that said, in big bold letters, FLOOR WARDEN. I had a bit of an idea what it meant but I wasn't 100% certain and just decided not to worry about it until it came up because the person who trained me (hahahaha, what a joke that was!) didn't mention anything about it.

Then this morning I noticed that I had FW training. Not making the connection I started calling other people on the invitation to see what FW was. I was told "Fire Warden". I figured it out from there.

Anyway, so I went to the Floor Warden training and they started discussing what our roles as Floor Wardens is. Let me just start by saying, my idea of how it worked is quite different than what we actually do. See, I held a similar role at another site and there my responsibilities were to get the list of names of people who should be on the floor/in the area and check them off. I never got to test my skills though because, fortunately, we never had an emergency.

My role in my new building is that it's my responsibility to ensure that everyone in my designated area get to safety - whether that be outside or somewhere else inside the building. I have to go from office to office and make sure they are empty of people and then close the door. If, by chance, someone has closed their door, I only have to knock on the door and yell "EMERGENCY - GET THE HELL OUT OF THE BUILDING" or some such thing and move on. But what this means is, if there is a fire in the building, I can't leave until I've gotten my people out - or done what I could to get them out first.

Considering I'm the designated hysterical person in a crisis, it's not necessarily the best plan of action. Unfortunately though, they didn't like my suggestion of letting my people know they should just follow the sound of my voice as I ran, screaming, out of the building. Go figure.

The cleanup continues

Well, I'm waiting for the adjuster to show up to assess the damage. I finally called a tree guy last week about the "limb" on my roof (and embedded in the ground). They couldn't give me any kind of estimate as to when someone could be out - to give me a quote. Said they'd tape the quote to the door if I wasn't home. Thing is, I'm not going to haggle. I need the limb down and this is a company I've used in the past - they're fair and reasonable on their charges. Just send someone out please.

The fence isn't holding up as well as it was, which is a concern for me. The poor dogs haven't been let out unsupervised since we returned from Arkansas and nobody is happy about that. I do, however, leave the back door open when I'm home - if it's not too hot and if they're even remotely interested in being outside (although, have to say, all I have to do to get them interested in going outside is to CLOSE the door!).

I have no idea who to call about my chimney. None whatsoever. My concern is that it could potentially be a leak threat and we're expecting rain (for the first time since the hurricane) today and tomorrow. Although, I suppose if it was going to leak with any consequence, it would have done so during the hurricane.

As for those who gave input on the gift card - thank you. I did end up getting them a gift card. I had lunch with Mrs. SCG the Tuesday after they came out (SCG got pulled onto another job - related to damages caused at another facility - for three to six months so I may not see him much, if at all, for a while). She acted like it burned her when she touched it and said they couldn't accept it. I told her they had to because it had their name engraved on it (it didn't but she didn't look - and it worked because she took it then). She said SCG would be pissed though and he did send me a text that evening letting me know he wasn't happy. I spoke with him the next day and I told him that I just wanted to do something nice for them and thought they could use it for a nice dinner out and after that, he seemed okay with it. By the way, Mrs. SCG insisted on paying for my lunch that Tuesday - in fact, she had arranged it with the waitress before I arrived, yet they were reluctant to accept something from me (lunch was $30, by the way - 1/3 of the gift card, right off the bat!).

Oh, and in other Ike crap . . . I have a rental property out in Hempstead, Texas. It's a little shack really. My mother crew up in it and the tenant that lives there now has lived in it for more than 30 years. She pays all of $80 a month (and I've often wondered if I'm overcharging her - seriously!). Well, the house lost a good portion of the roof apparently. I asked her if she could find someone to come out and take a look at it and she said she would. Of course there were no roofers that could come out immediately so she called a jack of all trades guy who gave us a quote of "somewhere between $12,000 and $18,000. Yeah, so not happening! I asked the tenant to call the blue roof program so we'd have more time to consider our options. Have to say, the house isn't worth $12,000 so there's no way I can afford/justify paying that on the roof. Not to mention, at $80 a month, I won't be re-cooping that expense any time soon. Not sure what I'm going to do about that. (The house is not insured - I tried a few years back to get insurance but it's not up to code so is uninsurable at this time so the cost would be 100% on me.)

Anyway, hope to have all the Ike stuff cleared up soon and have life back to normal. In the meantime, I really appreciate all the good thoughts and vibes.

What's going on in y'alls worlds?

After the Storm

Well, SCG and his family got here Friday around 10:00 a.m. and worked until about 4:00 p.m. - and we didn't finish the clean up! I remembered that I hadn't used up all my exposures on the disposable camera I got in San Francisco so I snapped a few shots and took them to be developed (if nothing else, Ike got me to get pictures from Nationals developed).

Here is a shot of the pile of limbs in my front yard waiting to be picked up. And just let me say, this picture doesn't do the pile justice - it looks more massive in person, seriously.


Below are some shots of the backyard, as it looks now:

It may not look like it but I could stand upright when inside that dog house. And what's not green is covered in limbs that need to be raked and bagged up to be hauled out to the front. The dogs walk gingerly over it.

SCG kept saying he thought I should contract someone to cut down this tree and haul it off. I love this tree and couldn't understand why he would say that but looking at this picture, it does look kind of sad, doesn't it?By the way, the limb resting on the ground is attached to the one coming down from the tree AND the one shooting off to the right. The branch shooting off to the right is resting on my house and the way it's all laying, we couldn't get it down. It's likely it will cause damage to the roof and/or windows when it is brought down.

I took this next photo to kind of show how the fence had to be propped up. The tree in this picture is my favorite and doesn't seem to have sustained much, if any, damage as a result of the storm.


So, my question to you all. . . I want to do something nice for SCG and his family for all their hard work. I was thinking of a gift card (say MasterCard) of $100, that way they can use it how they choose to. I know it's not much, particularly given that it was a family of four that worked for 6 hours but it's all I can afford at the moment. Do you think it will be insulting? Should I get something more personal? And if so, suggestions?

If it helps, I didn't ask SCG for help - he offered. He called me Thursday a week ago as I was loading up my car to evacuate and asked if there was anything he could do - anything I needed. Then he kept in touch with me throughout the next week, letting me know how things were here and asking that I let him know when I would be back so he could help me. He even sent a text the day I came back, asking if I was back and when I'd be back so he could come help me. And he didn't hesitate to come out and he - and his family - worked their tails off for 6 hours to get done what we did.

So, thoughts? Suggestions? Help please! :)

O. M. G.!

Well, as Gabrielle can attest, I have a crappy camera that never works when I need/want it to so I wasn't able to take photos on it (although I did take pictures with my cell phone, only I don't have the internet on my phone). But OMG, the friend who told me about the damages in no way prepared me for what I came home to. She said, "Of course there are branches on the ground." Uh, yeah. I have about a quarter of an acre here (large for a subdivision lot) and there is no ground that isn't covered. And we're not talking any pansy ass small limbs, we're talking big huge honking limbs that make walking through the backyard impossible. Not to mention, the french doors are blocked by branches.

She also failed to mention (although not a big deal) that the dog house has been up-ended. I've been wanting to get rid of it so I'm really okay with that. But the 40 feet of fence that is down? Uh, try about 100 feet of fence down! And the posts are snapped off - not uprooted, broken.

But with all that, amazingly, no windows were broken.

SCG and his family are coming out within the next hour to help clean up my yard and repair my fence. He lives in a brand new home and mine is 25 years old and in need of a facelift. I'm not really comfortable with him seeing my house but I'm so so so so so grateful for him for helping me because I couldn't do this on my own.

I do have electricity and enough water for a few days - hopefully enough to last until the "boil water order" is lifted. No cable though (which was a disappointment to SCG's daughter lol).

Anyway, so that's how things are here. I'm home and grateful for what I have - including good friends. :)

Onward and Upward

Well, I woke up this morning in a much better mood. My step-father hadn't been out of bed five minutes (literally - he hadn't even poured his morning cup of coffee yet) when I announced that I wanted to have breakfast at Anglers here in Mountain View, Arkansas. He was quite agreeable and had to wait for me to get dressed.

So, we headed out to Anglers, only to find out that breakfast isn't served except for on weekends. Okay, not a problem. We got back into the car and headed towards Fifty Six, Arkansas. They DO serve breakfast on weekdays at Cody's in Fifty Six. So my step-father ordered one egg over-easy and ham, with biscuits and gravy. Mind you, I wasn't hungry - I just wanted a good breakfast before I left here. I ordered 2 eggs scrambled, sausage, biscuits and hashbrowns. My step-father ate his egg, one of his two (delicious) biscuits and some of his ham. I cleaned my plate, just shy of licking it. It was that good. And remember, I wasn't even hungry.

As for the other stuff going on in my life - I think I'm going to head home tomorrow. I have reason to believe the power is back on again - at least some in my neighborhood have electricity. But even if I don't - I just want to get back home. Things need to be done. But I'm not complaining now - just stating facts.

Anyway, I wanted to mention the thing about packing for evacuations and things you want to keep in mind. First of all, the decision for me to evacuate was a last minute thing. I hadn't planned on evacuating, ever again, after Rita. Technically I'm just outside (as in less than a mile) of the mandatory evacuation zone if the hurricane is a Category 5 hurricane. But I took off Thursday and was clearing out potential projectiles from my yard and came in to see that the town I live in was under a mandatory evacuation order.

I freaked a little bit at that and all thoughts of staying quickly left me. I tried to remain calm but when I went into my bedroom to pack I realized that was a lost cause. I started yanking things off of hangers and throwing them - unfolded - into my suitcase. Then I started grabbing laundry and throwing that into a different suitcase. Shoes and books in another, etc. I kept thinking I needed to get my mortgage/deed/insurance papers together but never got them when I thought about them so they got left behind.

With the same consideration I'd thrown things into my suitcase, I threw things into the trunk of my car. Dog beds, dog food, suitcases (I had to combine the shoe/book one with the dirty clothes one because they weren't all fitting into my trunk). I brought some food and water (learning from the Rita debacle) and some other miscellaneous "stuff".

And I promptly fled, in the clothes I had been working out in the yard in.

Now, here's where I mention that my "yard work" bra is different from my "every day" bra. (Can you see where I'm going with this?) And yes, the only bra I brought was the one I was wearing. Let me tell you, it wasn't pretty. Mountain View is a nice town but it doesn't have much in the way of retail so I had to buy a bra at WalMart for public wearing. It's not great but for $10, I won't complain.

So, I learned about the food and water from Rita. This hurricane has taught me to be absolutely sure you pack the right bra, if you're going to be evacuating. :)

What would you want to make sure you had if you evacuated?

Pity Party

I really shouldn't post today because I'm a bit depressed. I evacuated my home because of Hurricane Ike and the officials are saying I can't go back yet. Now, I could be a rebel and go home anyway but I'll be traveling with three large dogs and a donut spare tire but I've been hearing about all the flat tires because of the debris on the roads because of Ike. Too much of the drive home is barren for me to want to venture out under those conditions.

Not to mention, I don't have power or water at home. Power was restored Sunday but sometime between then and now, we lost it again.

Add to that, part of my fence is down. That wouldn't be a big deal if I didn't have the three big dogs I previously mentioned. I don't know how that's even going to work. So even if I go - and get - home, I have to deal with that. Well, that and the part of the tree on my roof and the chimney that is now part of my backyard decor.

I feel bad whining because it could have been so much worse and I know people who do have it worse - like my old boss who has a tree in his dining room. Or my friend who lost part of her roof. Or the people of Galveston who don't have homes to go back to. Compared to those people, I have it good. . . real good.

At least I have friends - good friends. There's the friend that went to my house and made note of the damages. There's SCG who offered to come help me with the tree and the fence as soon as I get home. And I've heard from so many people the past few days, checking in and making sure I'm okay and safe. That's really a nice feeling.

But even with all that, I want to go home - to my home. I want to be in my house cleaning up my mess and getting things back to normal. There was a time when coming to Arkansas was a vacation to me but it's not like that anymore and it's not like that now. Not knowing when I can go home or when things will be back to normal has been very stressful for me. I wish I could just go with the flow but it's not working, try as I might.

In any event, that's my current status - whine officially over (for now). When I'm feeling a bit peppier, remind me to tell you my list of things to be sure to pack when evacuating and about the spider the size of Nebraska.

New discovery

When I went to San Francisco I decided not to be greedy with the books. If I didn't think I would actually read the book, I wasn't going to get it. And it's bad because you're meeting so many people that you don't really remember who you've met - or at least I don't. Someone has to really stand out for me to remember them.

Well, I definitely remember Eileen Cook. She commented that I looked familiar to her and asked if we'd met before. At first I was honest and said no and then joked that we used to be so close and I was a bit hurt that she couldn't place me - particularly after our little "experiment". That came out of my mouth before I could think about it and I barely had a moment to think it might not go over well before, without missing a beat, she says "Oh, now I remember you!" going along with the joke. It was funny, we both laughed and it really made me want to read her book.

Then I got home and started noticing that everyone whose blog I frequent (or most of them anyway) link to her blog. Next thing I know, I add a link to her blog and I'm digging through the books I've brought home for SF and looking for hers. For some reason I was a bit on the fence about reading her book at that particular time and then I opened up to read a little bit - see if it caught my attention. I was sold with the first sentence!

I started reading it yesterday during lunch and wanted to read this weekend but, given that I have homework assignments to do, decided to allow myself to read it as a "reward" for getting all the homework done. Only I didn't want to wait - and what if I didn't get all the homework done? As a result, I sat down today and read the rest of the book.

It was hilarious. I absolutely loved it. It goes in the top ten of my all-time favorite books list.

Oh, but as soon as I finished I popped over to amazon.com (I have a gift card coming in and wanted to have my book picks ready). Imagine my surprise to see that Unpredictable is in my "cart"! Has been since March 2, 2008. My guess is that someone recommended it on their blog and I put it in my cart for a later date and then promptly forgot about it. So, I guess I was destined to read this book and I have to say, it did not disappoint.

Next up will be my homework reading (Edith Wharton's The House of Mirth, which I'm also loving!). So that's what I'm reading, what are you reading?

I really am a flight girl!

Your Response is: Flight

You rather leave than deal with a dangerous or uncomfortable situation. You can't deal with too much drama or stress. It's really hard for you to cope. You are easily scared, freaked out, or intimidated. And while it's good to be prudent, not everything may be as freaky as it seems!

How Do You Respond: Fight or Flight?

Fight or Flight?

I'm not a confrontational type of person. If something bothers me, I usually won't say anything - I hold it in, thinking the situation will get better or right itself somehow. It takes a lot for me to "unburden" myself of my frustrations - to the point of when I do finally "snap", the person on the receiving end is probably thinking I'm some sort of psycho because whatever it was that pushed me over the edge was something they'd been doing for forever.

Yeah, I'm one of those people.

So, in that regard, I guess I'm a flight girl. I don't really like that about myself but it's something I know about myself.

But then, I learned something about myself this week. I guess I already knew it but it was really brought home to me in this situation.

Secret Crush Guy (SCG) and I had a little "situation" this week. And in case I haven't mentioned it here, mine and SCG's relationship has become one of close friends. There's no more of the awkwardness because I have inappropriate feelings for him, because those feelings are - not gone but re-channeled, for lack of a better word. He's among the top five closest friends I've ever had, and it's not one-sided and I feel comfortable with it because his wife is a part of the equation - we've become friends too. Everything's out in the open and there are no secrets (well, except that I once lusted after her husband but then again, that was never out in the open to SCG either so...).

But back to the situation. We usually walk out together after work - or at the very least, stop by the other's office to tell them we're leaving . . . without them. Yesterday he was in an all day meeting and was taking today off so I totally expected him to slip out as soon as his meeting was over - but I still expected him to tell me he was leaving. Only he didn't. It's not a big deal or anything but I was kind of surprised, especially since he was going to be out today. So, I sent him a text message that said "I cannot believe you ditched me!!!"

He responded with "I dont want to tell you the details. You may not forgive me." *typos are his

I immediately called him up and said I wanted the details. He laughed and said he was meeting Brenda at Pappadeaux for drinks.

Now, I know that doesn't sound like a big deal but it was like a knife to my heart. Let me start off by saying, I don't care who he is friends with - I honestly don't. It's none of my business. Ditto for what he does with those friends. What bothered me was I really cannot stand Brenda and he knows that. (For what it's worth, he's not particularly a fan of hers either, which I think played into my reaction as well.) We've also - recently - talked about going out for drinks after work but he's commented that he's a big flirt and a tease when he drinks (which of course is what I want to see in action because I think it would be hysterical - not because I want that directed at me . . . his wife is an invited guest to the event, should it ever happen) and I think he's afraid he would embarrass himself too much. Anyway, I knew there was more to the story than what he'd told me but I was upset because he would use her and drinking to get a rise out of me - which is what he wanted to do. So in essence, he deliberately upset me, which is why I was so upset. I seriously thought I was going to start bawling on the phone so I told him I was going to hang up "now". He laughed again and I said bye and he started saying something as I hung up on him.

It took long enough for him to realize I'd hung up and for him to dial me back up before my phone rang. I clicked on "ignore" and deleted the message he left without listening to it - which I've never done before, by the way. He sent me another text that said "I was tearing you. We are having our project management conference dinner. Cant believe you hung up!" *again, typos are his and it took me awhile to realize "tearing" was supposed to be teasing!

I didn't respond. He called again but didn't leave a message that time.

I was upset all night and then had bad dreams about it. I know it doesn't seem like a lot but it really bothered me. Anyway, he called me first thing this morning. I decided to take the call and just said Hello. He said, "What's your problem?" Now, I should point out that he said it more in a playful voice but given the circumstances, it wasn't funny to me - at all. In fact, I had that "I'm going to start bawling" feeling again. So I took a deep breath and said, "Wow. Nice way to start the conversation." He laughed. It still wasn't going over well with me so I said, "I'm going to hang up now." He asked me something about why I was hanging up on him and I took another deep breath and said I didn't want to talk to him just then. He asked why. I said bye and I hung up.

And here's the deal. I was in flight mode. Not just from the confrontation but I was also checking out of the friendship - completely. Last night when I went to bed I was thinking it was the end of our friendship - that's how hurt I was - and is why I think I had the bad dreams. I woke up this morning deciding that, in fairness to him, we needed to talk about it - which is why I took his call. But then his opening comment . . . well, I already told you how that went. I immediately went into flight mode again - from the confrontation and from the friendship. I was going to let the weekend pass without contacting him but I talked to a mutual friend of ours and she said she thought our friendship was good enough but if I waited too long, irreparable damage could be done. She didn't think I should wait over the weekend to contact him. So I texted him and said "Shorthand version-not mad you just really hurt my feelings by deliberate actions-deliberate being the key word. didn't want to cry so hung up." He responded with "Sorry. It was meant as tease. I would never deliberately hurt your feelings."

Okay, I know he wouldn't deliberately hurt my feelings. I know that. I also knew he was teasing me. It was just that his actions were deliberate, and he did want a reaction from me - just not the one I gave him.

Anyway, there has been no further communication because I had to take the dogs to the vet and I didn't have another opportunity but I still feel like our friendship took a hard hit. But I'm really stunned that my reaction was (and, to be honest, still kind of is) a flight one because he really is a good friend of mine. I think one of the problems is he's an "instant" communicator. He's told me that him and his wife leave nothing unsaid - and I think that played a part in his wanting to talk about this but I don't work like that. Me? I need time to regroup. I have to think on things a while so that I don't blurt out the first thing that comes to mind because those are the things that are only meant for that one split second that you're saying them but can really do irreparable damage to the relationship. You know what I mean? So I guess that's what I'm fleeing. I don't want to have the conversation. Hmm, guess I probably need to get over that, if I want to save the friendship.

What about you? Do you fight or (take) flight? Not just in confrontations but in relationships. Inquiring minds want to know.

My first meeting

Okay, so you know that it took an online dating service for me to reconnect with a long lost friend (who I went out with once before a hundred years ago). Well, we finally met up a week ago Monday night. The following day, my good friend (SCG) brought me this:




I started on the hard liquor before he started talking but aside from that, that's EXACTLY how my date went. The sad thing is, I'm not even kidding.

So, no romantic connection is in the future for us but hey, I won't count out that we might go out as friends again. Oh, and P.S. Today is his birthday.

Conference

Well, I got back last evening from conference and I was exhausted. I'm finally getting my energy back this evening. And in a good news/bad news kind of thing, I also get tomorrow off to further recuperate - Tropical Storm Edouard is expected to pass over us tomorrow so the site has closed for tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm going to try to get as much as I can about conference in this post, pictures and additional details may follow in future posts though. I'll start by saying that after Atlanta, I posted a list of things I'd learned in Atlanta and I just have to say that, when you have the same roommate, some of the things continue to hold true. That's all I'm saying.

Okay, so, I left home Saturday morning, dropped the dogs off at the kennel and headed towards the airport. When I got to the parking lot to leave my car, I was told that valet parking was all that was available. They said it was the same price as me parking the car so I said fine. Wasn't crazy about leaving my keys with someone who knew I was going to be gone eight days (I had to tell them that). I wrote down my mileage (and thanked God that I'd told my neighbor that no matter what he was told - I was NOT moving last week!) and got on the bus to the airport.

You know how you send your purse through the x-ray machine? Well, any time they run it through several times, it's not a good thing. I have a metal nail file I'd forgotten to take out (remembered on the return trip though - yes they let me keep it, which surprised me) that has a sharp point to it. When they asked me what I had in my purse with a sharp point, I told them my nail file. They picked it up with two fingers (well a finger and a thumb) and carried it over to this table where they proceeded to wipe it down so they could test it for bomb components residue (I asked). When the test came up negative (big surprise there HA! although I freaked a little when the alarm on the machine went off - obviously indicating an all clear), they gingerly (two fingered again) unzipped the area I told them held the offending nail file, made a visual and then released me to go - file intact.

Caught my flight and sat next to a man who told me a story of how the last time he went home (he lives in Washington but was working in Houston), his neighbor died in his arms. I didn't know what to say to that, but of course he didn't wait for one, and instead told me - in great detail - how it all happened. Now, I won't bore you all with the details but I just want to say that, in the end, his neighbor is alive and well but apparently has medical issues.

I made it to SF and caught the shuttle bus to the B&B I stayed at the first part of the week. It's a very nice B&B and gave me a visual and lots of info on how a B&B can work. Considering one of my stories is set in a B&B, I consider that a good thing - a very good thing.

Gabrielle arrived later that evening and she and her friend, Tamara, drove me around SF, including the Golden Gate Bridge (GGB). I whipped out my camera to get a night time shot of the GGB, only to get a great shot of the back of Gabrielle's head. I'm good with a camera like that. When I tried to get a second shot of the bridge, the battery was dead. *sigh* We drove around some more and then headed back to the B&B.

I should point out that the B&B had four guests rooms and only two bathrooms. That first night there and the next morning proved to be interesting in the way of getting to actually use the bathrooms. Kind of comical in the way of doors opening and closing and peeking out to see if it was "free".

That night I had a bizarre dream that involved my co-workers and bad people. In the dream I was standing across the street from my house with the bad man chasing me. My neighbor's garage door and front door were open so I thought if I called out to him, he could save me from the bad man. Well, you know how when you try to scream out in a dream but nothing will come out? That wasn't really a problem in my dream. I mean, it was a little choked out but it was still a pretty darn loud scream of "MARTIN, HELP!!!!" I woke up with a start, then realizing that I'd actually screamed out loud, I froze, waiting to see if I'd woken Gabrielle up. I sat there for a couple of minutes and she didn't move or show any signs of having heard me. Then I realized, while she might be a heavy sleeper, the other guests of the B&B might not be so I strained to hear any activity in the rest of the house. Nothing. No one was coming to save me from the bad guys. Which, since I wasn't really in jeopardy, was okay - I'm glad I didn't wake anyone. On the other hand, what if I had really been in trouble? I would've been so screwed - and not in a good way. Just saying.

Anyway, the next morning we got up to a wonderful breakfast and headed out to see the sights. We went into town and got a week-long bus pass, which pretty much covered all methods of transportation in SF. We took a trolley down to Fisherman's Wharf and spent the afternoon (along with a good amount of money) walking around there. The camera ran out of space before long and I started deleting shots that I couldn't really tell what they were. (Seeing what I have left, I may have deleted the wrong ones. *sigh*) Oh, and we saw the Naked Cowboy. He was on one side of the street, while on the other, someone was preaching the hell, fire and brimstone speech. It was kind of interesting.

We caught a couple of buses and made our way back towards the B&B, but not before stopping by a little coffee shop around the corner, where we discovered they had internet and food. The quiche looked good to me so I had them give me one to go because I wasn't hungry at that moment. (I ended up giving it to the host at the B&B before we left because, well, turns out there isn't a microwave at the B&B, not to mention, I was never hungry in the evening when it would have been convenient to eat it. It looked really good though.)

We didn't have any issues with the bathroom that night - or the next morning for that matter. One lady and a couple had checked out but another couple and another lady had checked in. The next morning I went upstairs to take my shower and came across the new lady. I just said hello in passing on the way to the bathroom but on the way out, she stopped me. Turns out she was there for the conference as well. A nice lady from Canada. She has some sightseeing she wanted to do and it worked out well because Gabrielle was wanting to take a break from all the walking, plus she wanted to do some writing. However, the three of us took a bus to town and Heather Ann (the other guest) and I deposited Gabrielle at Borders while we went on the Victorian Homes tour. (Very nice tour, by the way. We saw the house where Mrs. Doubtfire was filmed. It was interesting to find out that all the house scenes were filmed inside that house - with the exception of the kitchen scenes, and only because the kitchen wasn't big enough to fit the camera equipment inside it and the owner wasn't willing to let their walls be knocked down. They were, however, willing to let farm animals be brought in for the party scene!) I whipped out my camera to show a picture of the Naked Cowboy to Heather Ann only to discover that my camera battery was dead - again. I purchased a disposable camera at that point and gave up on my digital for the remainder of the trip.

Afterwards, Heather Ann and I collected Gabrielle and had lunch at Lori's Diner. We left there and took a bus to Coit Tower and then worked our way down through a quaint little neighborhood and saw the wild parrots flying overhead.

The next day, Gabrielle was on a roll and wanted to do some more writing to Heather Ann and I headed out. We went first to Haight and Asbury. We spent some time there and got hit up for money and asked to sign a petition to help the homeless.

From there we went to Golden Gate Park where we walked around for what seemed like forever (we later looked at the map and discovered we hadn't seen one quarter of the park!) and ended up at the Conservatory. We walked around there for a while and then caught a bus to the GGB (by the way, if you need directions in SF, just open a city map and people will come to you and offer directions). Having been told we could catch a bus on the other side, we walked across the GGB, only to find that no one seemed to know anything about where we might catch that bus on the other side. Several calls and many attempts to stop taxis later, we found the bus and rode into Sausalito. We walked around the town (cute town, by the way) and then caught the ferry back.

We made our way back to the B&B where we all agreed we were exhausted. But, I wanted a margarita so Gabrielle went online and located a place that sounded good for a margarita. So we walked the 20 miles uphill (both ways) to the margarita place, only to discover that they didn't have the strawberry margarita I wanted - so I had water instead. Yeah, I know, how do you go from a margarita to water, I don't know - but it isn't the first time that's happened. We still had a good time though.

Wednesday we (Gabrielle and I - Heather Ann stayed at the B&B for the duration) checked out of the B&B and headed over to the hotel - first thing. And by first thing, I mean around 9:30 a.m. Unfortunately our room wasn't ready until almost 3:00 p.m. Ugh!

Anyway, once we finally got in our room, we got ready for the Literacy Signing. (You know, I'm wondering now if we did something I can't remember because we were actually late to the signing.) By this point, our third roommate, Linda Carol, had joined us. I had a plan. . . you see, I was the official stalker of the conference this year.

I headed straight over to Amanda Ashby and introduced myself as her official stalker (she'd actually known about it for months - I was just making it official at the signing). She offered me a Tim Tam and well, despite what I'd previously heard, they are the best chocolate I've ever had. Let me just say, if I hadn't already committed to stalking her, that would have done it. OMG they're so good.

I was working the signing so I hung around to the end. I don't want to bad mouth anyone but um, the clean up was handled completely differently this year and it wasn't the most organized thing I've ever seen. This may have been my last year to volunteer for that.

That was followed up by the RWAOnline Chapter party, where I beelined for (and therefore ate more) Tim Tams.

Thursday morning, Linda Carol and I took a bus up to Twin Peaks. We got back just in time for the luncheon. You know, I had never read Victoria Alexander, but I will now! OMG that woman is hysterical. A few days later I ran across someone trying to find the goody room. It sounded like a good idea to check it out again so I offered to walk with her there. I hadn't realized who it was at the time but it was Victoria Alexander. Very nice lady.

Anyway, Thursday I either did workshops or book signings - maybe both, I'd have to check. That evening, I went to the Diva Dinner. It was a lot of fun. Met a lot of fun, interesting people. :)

Friday was filled with workshops and book signings. That evening I went to a party hosted by a Houston writer. Had a lot of fun.

Saturday was more workshops and book signings - plus, I finally got my margarita! The awards ceremony was fun, followed by dessert and a visit to the bar (no drink for me though) before I went to bed to get a couple of hours sleep before I had to get up to catch the shuttle bus back to the airport (left at 4:25 a.m. - and the lines at the airport were surprising LONG! at that hour).

Went to pick up my babies before I headed home, where I promptly became a couch potato, until about an hour ago, when I started this post. :)

I took today off and, as I said, get tomorrow off as well. All in all, a good conference. :)

Countdown

In less than 24 hours I should be in San Francisco. I. Can't. Wait.

I've been spending today doing laundry and packing. I was going to get my hair cut and my eyebrows waxed but given how that's gone for me recently, maybe not. :)

I have a fear that I'm going to forget something terribly important. Like, right now, I keep thinking about packing my toothpaste. I bought a special one to take with me. By the time I'm done with this post, I guarantee I will have forgotten about packing it.

Now I'm thinking about my cell phone charger. Something else that definitely needs to go and I hope I don't forget.

Something else just came to mind and I've already forgotten what it was. Hopefully it will come back to me at some point.

A friend loaned (but said I could have if I liked it) me her luggage to take with me (unfortunate incident with the zipper on mine at Christmas). It's not quite as big as mine but I'm flying Southwest and I can check two pieces of luggage and carry on two pieces of luggage and you know what - I am. By the way, is it tacky that it doesn't all match (hers all matches and mine all matches - it's just that I'm bringing one of mine to compensate for all I'm bringing)?

The dogs have all been blissfully calm today - hardly gone out at all, which is a bit troublesome for me.

Anyway, I've printed out my boarding pass (20 minutes after I could and I ended up with number 51!!!), B&B reservation confirmation, shuttle bus confirmations, workshop schedules and the corresponding workshop printouts (for those I think I'd like to attend), phone lists - I think that's it for printing.

I'm taking my backlog (assuming I pack them) of People magazines to read on the plane so that I can, uh, pass them on to my friend when I'm done. :)

I'm (assuming it will fit in something I'm taking) packing one of those little thingies (technical name here) that you load things on, strap it down and wheel it around as if it's light as a feather (for hauling books to the post office for shipping).

Now, tell me, what am I forgetting to do and/or pack?

Oh, I remember something I was going to ask...I have a digital camera but it's not one that has a stick with it. It only holds so many pictures, period - and it's not going to be enough, I guarantee you. Should I take it and/or get disposables when I arrive?