Three Weeks Notice

SCG (remember him?) is a project manager and as such, he works on big projects at work. This role requires that once the project gets going, he has to move with the project - literally.

Two years ago he was assigned to a project that was expected to roll out by the end of the year. When the end of the year came, the date was moved out to April of the following year. Then to the summer. Then to the end of the year again. Before the end of the year arrived, the project was disbanded and everyone was farmed out to other assignments for six months.

Earlier this year the team reassembled and the roll out was scheduled for this summer. About a month ago I was talking to SCG and asked how the project was going and he told me the roll out was scheduled for around the end of the year again. I made some comment that I'd heard that before and he said it was definitely happening.

Thursday I got an email from SCG saying he'd tried to call me but didn't reach me and could I call him as soon as I got the email - he had some news to share with me.

Well, I called him and he tells me that the project is going nowhere and is disbanding again (no real surprise there) and that he's been assigned to another project - in Singapore. And he leaves in three weeks!!!!!

Three weeks!!!!!

Part of the reason he's leaving so quickly is so his kids can start school on time there (and it starts August 15th).

But here's the thing that I can't get out of my mind. How do you pack up your life in three weeks and move to another country? How do you decide what stays, what goes and what gets thrown out? Keeping in mind that while those decisions are all being made, you've got to get the appropriate paperwork done so that you can live and work there - and have it all done before you arrive. As it is, he told me that his son is registered for the American school but his daughter is on the waitlist (I thought of it later but wonder if she could be home schooled for the time there - it's supposedly only for a year).

He can't take his dog and it would cost $3000 to take his cat ($1500 more to bring her back) and she would have to be quarantined for six months. The cost for the cat wouldn't bother me but I wouldn't want it to be quarantined for six months. And I can't imagine leaving my dogs behind so that would be hard for me.

But here's the burning question I have for you all . . . you have to pick up your life and move to another country and you only have three weeks to get everything done. How do you do it? How do you plan? How do you decide what stays and what goes? And for that matter, what does stay and what does go?

Inquiring minds want to know. :o)

My boyfriend and his wife

The other day we had a luncheon at work in recognition of my upcoming service anniversary with the company. Technically it's supposed to be with people from your workgroup but, as much as I love my job and group, I really haven't connected with many people from my workgroup. So, I asked my boss if I could invite a few people outside of the group - and he said yes.

Which is how SCG got to be included in the guests. Well, if you've been following my blog, you know that mine and SCG's relationship has evolved over time. He's one of my favorite people and he's one of my closest friends now. And, if you've been following my blog, you also know he's married.

Now, when I talk about him to family members I always go, "My friend, SGC - you know, my married friend..." and then I proceed with the story. I have to do that so that they don't try to marry us off. I mean, not only is bigomy illegal, I don't share well.

Anyway, I don't expect to throw in that disclaimer when I'm dealing with non-family members - like work people. Yes, I talk about SCG a lot but not really any more than I do other friends of mine and SCG and I have discussed how people misinterpret our relationship and he basically said it was their problem, not ours and I've kind of taken up that torch and run with it myself since then.

But back to the lunch...I was actually more comfortable than usual at the event (I hate being the center of attention, which is why I wanted people I love and trust at the lunch with me) but my boss was making a mini-speech and he asked me what I'd ordered for my gift. Well, I haven't ordered it so he asked me what I was considering and the conversation went something like this...

Me: Well, there is a ring I'm looking at but I'd really like to see it in person rather than choosing it from a picture. There's also a crystal vase and bowl I was looking at. I was also considering a grill but I don't cook.

There were a few dazed looks and I realized that cooking has nothing to do with grilling so I felt a little uncomfortable and then followed it up with

Me: And he (pointing at SCG) doesn't grill.

SGC: No. No, I don't grill. I don't cook either.

Hmmm, can't imagine why people would think we were boyfriend and girlfriend from that! Particularly when he followed it up by making me tell a work story from before my time with this company - and one I wouldn't tell except to my close personal friends.

I spent the rest of the day repeating "No, he's really not by boyfriend! He's married!"

In any event, I had dinner last night with my "boyfriend" and his wife. I told her what had happened and she seemed to get a kick out of it. We left their house to go eat and she told me to sit up front and I said, "well of course I should sit up front with my boyfriend". We both laughed and I got in the back seat.

One of the things I really like about SCG though is, his love for his wife. It's obvious. I've never heard him speak disrespectfully of his wife. When he talks about things he wants to do (like hopping on a harley and traveling across country), he always wants to do them with Mrs SCG - always. When he is excited about something, he wants to share it with her. He makes time to spend time with just her - without the kids - on a regular basis. And they've been married 19 years. I don't know about you but I think that's pretty cool.

So, as far as faux boyfriends go, I could do a lot worse. :o)

Gender-neutral Friendships

Growing up my best friend was a boy named Darryl. Our mothers were best friends and so we were always together. We were about five when I realized we had differences. You see, that's the first time I had the "show me yours and I'll show you mine" conversation (and for the record, I've never known a male who wasn't willing to show his - just saying). I was shocked and stunned and devastated because we didn't have the same "equipment". But I still didn't think we were really all that different. Of course, that was before I tried to pee standing up. (Don't ask.)

Until that point in time, I was completely unaware of any boundaries or differences between boys and girls.

But, as time went by the differences seemed to become more "obvious". Interacting with the opposite sex had to mean something. You couldn't just be friends. There was a time when I thought it was just my family that had that view point (I can't talk about my male friends without starting the story with "we're just friends. he's married/gay/whatever." and interjecting that into whatever story I'm telling a couple of times and closing with that as well.) but recently I've found myself being asked about SCG. Granted, there was a time when I had feelings that went beyond friendship for him but that's all in the past. We really are just good friends now.

When I was in San Francisco, SCG kept in touch with me via text messages. He woke me up, at least once, texting me (two hour time difference SCG!!! when you're arriving at work, it's still the middle of the night in SF!). The day I evacuated for Ike, he called me to be sure I was okay and find out what my plans were. He kept in touch with me throughout the entire thing and came over the first day I got home and helped me clean up the mess in my yard, without me asking for help.

He's introduced me to his family - and we've all bonded. (His wife and I go to lunch without him!)

If he were female, no one would question anything about it. But the penis factor makes it all suspect to many - most, actually. I find myself getting asked if he's "my guy" a lot. Uh, no, he's my friend!

I'm tired of trying to explain it. I'm tired of trying to understand it. I'm tired of trying to figure out when it became unnatural to be friends with someone just because of gender. I'm going to quit trying to figure it out. When Harry Met Sally is one of my all time favorite movies and in it they ask the question, can men and women just be friends. Well, you know, I don't care what people think because I've decided I'm going to stop analyzing it and just be thankful that we're such good friends. Because, you know, penis or no penis, such good friends are hard to come by.