Three Weeks Notice

SCG (remember him?) is a project manager and as such, he works on big projects at work. This role requires that once the project gets going, he has to move with the project - literally.

Two years ago he was assigned to a project that was expected to roll out by the end of the year. When the end of the year came, the date was moved out to April of the following year. Then to the summer. Then to the end of the year again. Before the end of the year arrived, the project was disbanded and everyone was farmed out to other assignments for six months.

Earlier this year the team reassembled and the roll out was scheduled for this summer. About a month ago I was talking to SCG and asked how the project was going and he told me the roll out was scheduled for around the end of the year again. I made some comment that I'd heard that before and he said it was definitely happening.

Thursday I got an email from SCG saying he'd tried to call me but didn't reach me and could I call him as soon as I got the email - he had some news to share with me.

Well, I called him and he tells me that the project is going nowhere and is disbanding again (no real surprise there) and that he's been assigned to another project - in Singapore. And he leaves in three weeks!!!!!

Three weeks!!!!!

Part of the reason he's leaving so quickly is so his kids can start school on time there (and it starts August 15th).

But here's the thing that I can't get out of my mind. How do you pack up your life in three weeks and move to another country? How do you decide what stays, what goes and what gets thrown out? Keeping in mind that while those decisions are all being made, you've got to get the appropriate paperwork done so that you can live and work there - and have it all done before you arrive. As it is, he told me that his son is registered for the American school but his daughter is on the waitlist (I thought of it later but wonder if she could be home schooled for the time there - it's supposedly only for a year).

He can't take his dog and it would cost $3000 to take his cat ($1500 more to bring her back) and she would have to be quarantined for six months. The cost for the cat wouldn't bother me but I wouldn't want it to be quarantined for six months. And I can't imagine leaving my dogs behind so that would be hard for me.

But here's the burning question I have for you all . . . you have to pick up your life and move to another country and you only have three weeks to get everything done. How do you do it? How do you plan? How do you decide what stays and what goes? And for that matter, what does stay and what does go?

Inquiring minds want to know. :o)

Your Secret is Safe with Me

I had lunch with SCG today. We were supposed to meet up tomorrow but this morning he sent me a text message, asking if we could go today instead.

Rather than text him back, I called him and gave him a bad time about changing dates on me (particularly since he's the one that set the date to begin with). Then, we started talking about our vacations (we were both off last week and I'm still off this week). We told each other what we'd been doing and after a while, we set a time that I'd come pick him up and hung up.

Two hours later I pulled into his parking lot and he was waiting out front. We were going to his favorite pizza place about 23 miles away and when we do that, lunch is never less than 2 hours long.

And we'd already covered everything we were going to talk about when I called to confirm lunch!

So, for the next two hours I started a lot of sentences with: "I probably shouldn't tell you this but..." I guess what I'm saying is that I am usually pretty good about keeping secrets but, if you've told me a secret well, ever, there's a good possibility that SCG now knows it too. That's not going to be a problem, is it?!? :o)

My boyfriend and his wife

The other day we had a luncheon at work in recognition of my upcoming service anniversary with the company. Technically it's supposed to be with people from your workgroup but, as much as I love my job and group, I really haven't connected with many people from my workgroup. So, I asked my boss if I could invite a few people outside of the group - and he said yes.

Which is how SCG got to be included in the guests. Well, if you've been following my blog, you know that mine and SCG's relationship has evolved over time. He's one of my favorite people and he's one of my closest friends now. And, if you've been following my blog, you also know he's married.

Now, when I talk about him to family members I always go, "My friend, SGC - you know, my married friend..." and then I proceed with the story. I have to do that so that they don't try to marry us off. I mean, not only is bigomy illegal, I don't share well.

Anyway, I don't expect to throw in that disclaimer when I'm dealing with non-family members - like work people. Yes, I talk about SCG a lot but not really any more than I do other friends of mine and SCG and I have discussed how people misinterpret our relationship and he basically said it was their problem, not ours and I've kind of taken up that torch and run with it myself since then.

But back to the lunch...I was actually more comfortable than usual at the event (I hate being the center of attention, which is why I wanted people I love and trust at the lunch with me) but my boss was making a mini-speech and he asked me what I'd ordered for my gift. Well, I haven't ordered it so he asked me what I was considering and the conversation went something like this...

Me: Well, there is a ring I'm looking at but I'd really like to see it in person rather than choosing it from a picture. There's also a crystal vase and bowl I was looking at. I was also considering a grill but I don't cook.

There were a few dazed looks and I realized that cooking has nothing to do with grilling so I felt a little uncomfortable and then followed it up with

Me: And he (pointing at SCG) doesn't grill.

SGC: No. No, I don't grill. I don't cook either.

Hmmm, can't imagine why people would think we were boyfriend and girlfriend from that! Particularly when he followed it up by making me tell a work story from before my time with this company - and one I wouldn't tell except to my close personal friends.

I spent the rest of the day repeating "No, he's really not by boyfriend! He's married!"

In any event, I had dinner last night with my "boyfriend" and his wife. I told her what had happened and she seemed to get a kick out of it. We left their house to go eat and she told me to sit up front and I said, "well of course I should sit up front with my boyfriend". We both laughed and I got in the back seat.

One of the things I really like about SCG though is, his love for his wife. It's obvious. I've never heard him speak disrespectfully of his wife. When he talks about things he wants to do (like hopping on a harley and traveling across country), he always wants to do them with Mrs SCG - always. When he is excited about something, he wants to share it with her. He makes time to spend time with just her - without the kids - on a regular basis. And they've been married 19 years. I don't know about you but I think that's pretty cool.

So, as far as faux boyfriends go, I could do a lot worse. :o)

Getting back in shape

Last year I was moved to a very stressful job and gained, in three months, almost all the weight it took me a year to take off. Since then, I've done my best to maintain that weight - or so it would seem anyway.

Every time I bring up the weight gain to SCG he asks me when I last ran - because that worked out so well last time I tried it. So, a couple of weeks ago, I went to join the gym but apparently they won't sign you up if you go in on the weekend. I took that as my cue to stock my house with DVDs and stuff that would encourage me to exercise at home and forget the gym.

My Kickboxing, Hip Hop and Yoga DVDs were shipped today, according to the email I received this morning. But the stair stepper I bought came in on Friday.

Can someone tell me why the biggest workout you get is putting the dang thing together? Anyway, I put it together last night and am already up to 31 seconds (yes seconds!). Tomorrow I'm going to try to up it to at least 32 seconds. And hey, it's still 31 seconds more than I would have been doing, right?

But the best thing is, my copy of Bunco Babes Tell All was also shipped today! And, if you haven't already, you can scroll down to read an interview with the author, Maria Geraci. I'm so looking forward to reading it, I cannot tell you. I was wishing I had it to read this weekend.

That's all for now, I hope you're all having a great Mother's day.

Recap of 2008

I'm stealing this from Alyssa, who stole it from Sarakastic who stole it from others, so this is far from an original post idea but it looked like fun and I'm nothing if not a follower (hey, the leaders gotta have someone following them, right? ;) ). Basically what I've done is taken the first sentence of the last blog post of every month. Then assembled the sentences in such a way that it might tell a bit of a story.

Here are the sentences:

January Well, Slime Boy (the probably married man that asked me out) got let go.

February The other day I had a doctor's appointment.

March Dear Muse, It was so nice to see you this weekend.

April Lately I've felt like I've been so behind on everything.

May I've been having some interesting dreams lately.

June I told a friend of mine yesterday that I'd blog about an eHarmony discovery I made.

July In less than 24 hours I should be in San Francisco.

August Okay, so you know that it took an online dating service for me to reconnect with a long lost friend (who I went out with once before a hundred years ago).

September Well, SCG and his family got here Friday around 10:00 a.m. and worked until about 4:00 p.m. - and we didn't finish the clean up! I

October Well, I went running last night.

November As most of you know, I did the online dating thing this past summer.

December Okay, this has to be a top 9 because well, there aren't 10 books that I feel that I can say I loved this year - of course that probably has a lot to do with the fact that I'm down from over 70 books read from last year to just over 30 this year, including audio books.

So, my mishmash, for what it's worth:

The other day I had a doctor's appointment. Well, Slime Boy (the probably married man that asked me out) got let go.

I told a friend of mine yesterday that I'd blog about an eHarmony discovery I made. As most of you know, I did the online dating thing this past summer. Okay, so you know that it took an online dating service for me to reconnect with a long lost friend (who I went out with once before a hundred years ago).

Dear Muse, It was so nice to see you this weekend. I've been having some interesting dreams lately. Lately I've felt like I've been so behind on everything. Well, SCG and his family got here Friday around 10:00 a.m. and worked until about 4:00 p.m. - and we didn't finish the clean up!

Well, I went running last night. In less than 24 hours I should be in San Francisco.

Okay, this has to be a top 9 because well, there aren't 10 books that I feel that I can say I loved this year - of course that probably has a lot to do with the fact that I'm down from over 70 books read from last year to just over 30 this year, including audio books. (Yeah, I know this one doesn't work but what are ya gonna do?)

Runner's Knee

Last Saturday I did Day Three of week three of the Couch to 5K program. I was running (no pun intended) behind on what day I did day three on so I didn't skip any days before I did Day One of week four - on Sunday.


So, when my knees started aching right after the run, I thought that was the reason. They still hurt on Monday - my right knee in particular - and I still didn't think a lot about it. But I sent an instant message to SCG at work and told him about it. I totally expected a smart ass response from him so was kind of surprised when he seemed all concerned and started asking me all sorts of questions about what kind of shoes I had and telling me I might need a pronated shoe. He mentioned a runner's repair manual book that he had and said he was going to look up my symptoms and let me know what he found out. I thought his concern was very sweet but I was seriously wishing I hadn't said anything by the time the whole instant messaging was over with because I honestly thought the pain was a direct result of running two days in a row.

Okay, so Tuesday my knees were feeling a lot better and I went out for another run. I took Brewsky with me (my dog, not an alcoholic beverage :) ). (Harley had been the dog I'd run with on Sunday - Max was Saturday.) We were doing good with the five minute brisk walk - and then we were told to run. I took about two steps at a run and knew it wasn't happening. But I tried anyway. I probably ran for less than twenty seconds when I decided that the best thing I could do was go back home and call it a day, which I hated doing.

The next two days my knees (right one in particular) hurt bad enough that I was seriously considering emailing the marathon coordinator and taking her up on her offer to refund my money (long story but apparently they will make an exception to their "no refunds, no exceptions" rule - I'll leave it at that). But I wanted to give it a little longer. Friday I didn't run. No real excuse but I'll just say I was tired and it was cold.

Then came yesterday. I had lunch with SCG and his wife (Mrs. SCG). He'd brought his runner's repair manual book with him and started asking questions about the pain I'd been experiencing. I told him where it had started and where it had moved to. He flips right to a page and says, "I think you have runner's knee." Uh, okay. He starts reading the symptoms, which involve swelling of the knee. "There's been no swelling," I tell him. "Hurts on the inner side of the leg," he goes on. "No, it's hurt on the outer side of the leg," I reply. He reads a few more symptoms that don't apply and closes the book with purpose, declaring - again - that I have runner's knee. I just gave him a smile that said "good boy, now shut up" and continued a conversation with his wife. We finished lunch and before we left he tells me how I need to "treat" my "runner's knee". I thank him for the tips and we part company.

So, last night, I decide to try running again. My knees feel pretty good and I don't want to get behind on the program if I don't have to. But, I'm fully prepared to come back home if I can't handle it. It was Max's turn again so I clipped on the leash and headed out the door (after at least ten minutes of fighting Harley and Brewsky to keep them INSIDE the door).

We weren't two houses down when I realized that I'd forgotten to put on Max's Halti - same as I had last Saturday. I think I may have discovered the problem. Don't think it had anything to do with running two days in a row and everything to do with being drug around the neighborhood.



I was fine last night, today I can feel it. The Halti - don't leave home without it!

Running in the rain

I wasn't going to post about my experience running last night because I mentioned it over on Fat Chicks Running but well...

I didn't run Sunday because I just had other things I wanted/needed to do (like read a book - The Fidelity Files lived up to its trailer, in case you were wondering :) ). So, that meant I really had to run last night - even though it was raining.

It didn't seem to be raining that hard when I left with Max but I didn't get far before I decided that I couldn't really run with a wet dog so I took him back home and took back off. I was probably at the furtherest point from my house - and running - when I heard a horn honk. My first thought was to run through the names of people I know in the neighborhood and wonder which one of them had discovered me running through the neighborhood. You see, I'm pretty sure my running isn't a pretty sight and I don't mind so much being seen by people I don't know but I don't want to be "caught" running by people I do know. So I was dreading looking over to see which one of my "friends/neighbors" was seeing the sight.

Turns out it wasn't anyone I knew at all. It was just some random man who saw my running - my training running, if you will - and thought I was attempting to run home because it was raining, instead of training in spite of the rain. He said (and followed it up with the ASL sign), "It's raining!" Then he asked me how far I was going, as if I had been dropped from the sky on a survival mission to find something, as opposed to being in my own neighborhood, no further than two miles from any point in the subdivision, and offered me a ride. I said thanks, I was training and he said oh and drove off.

Really, it was a nice gesture but I have to wonder what he was thinking. I mean, I had my mp3 player, running shoes and my standard running outfit - my yoga pants (what? they have "give"!) and t-shirt (which was soaking wet and clinging to me). Hmmm, okay, I'm refusing to think he had ulterior motives. It was just a nice gesture.

Anyway, in other running news. SCG was in the office yesterday and sent me an email that said something like "Hey! I'm in the office today in an all day meeting. I'll give you a shout later - I want to hear about your training." I read the email as a co-worker stood in the doorway. The conversation went something like this.

Me: Training? Have I gone to a training lately.

Co-Worker: Did you go to a training?

Me: I don't know, I'm drawing a blank but my friend said he wants to hear about it.

CW: (with same perplexed look on her face I think I probably have) What kind of training?

Me: I have no idea. I don't know what he's talking about.

Then it dawns on me...he wants to know how the marathon training is going. Some days I'm slower than others - and it was a Monday. (I never heard from him, by the way.)

Gender-neutral Friendships

Growing up my best friend was a boy named Darryl. Our mothers were best friends and so we were always together. We were about five when I realized we had differences. You see, that's the first time I had the "show me yours and I'll show you mine" conversation (and for the record, I've never known a male who wasn't willing to show his - just saying). I was shocked and stunned and devastated because we didn't have the same "equipment". But I still didn't think we were really all that different. Of course, that was before I tried to pee standing up. (Don't ask.)

Until that point in time, I was completely unaware of any boundaries or differences between boys and girls.

But, as time went by the differences seemed to become more "obvious". Interacting with the opposite sex had to mean something. You couldn't just be friends. There was a time when I thought it was just my family that had that view point (I can't talk about my male friends without starting the story with "we're just friends. he's married/gay/whatever." and interjecting that into whatever story I'm telling a couple of times and closing with that as well.) but recently I've found myself being asked about SCG. Granted, there was a time when I had feelings that went beyond friendship for him but that's all in the past. We really are just good friends now.

When I was in San Francisco, SCG kept in touch with me via text messages. He woke me up, at least once, texting me (two hour time difference SCG!!! when you're arriving at work, it's still the middle of the night in SF!). The day I evacuated for Ike, he called me to be sure I was okay and find out what my plans were. He kept in touch with me throughout the entire thing and came over the first day I got home and helped me clean up the mess in my yard, without me asking for help.

He's introduced me to his family - and we've all bonded. (His wife and I go to lunch without him!)

If he were female, no one would question anything about it. But the penis factor makes it all suspect to many - most, actually. I find myself getting asked if he's "my guy" a lot. Uh, no, he's my friend!

I'm tired of trying to explain it. I'm tired of trying to understand it. I'm tired of trying to figure out when it became unnatural to be friends with someone just because of gender. I'm going to quit trying to figure it out. When Harry Met Sally is one of my all time favorite movies and in it they ask the question, can men and women just be friends. Well, you know, I don't care what people think because I've decided I'm going to stop analyzing it and just be thankful that we're such good friends. Because, you know, penis or no penis, such good friends are hard to come by.

The cleanup continues

Well, I'm waiting for the adjuster to show up to assess the damage. I finally called a tree guy last week about the "limb" on my roof (and embedded in the ground). They couldn't give me any kind of estimate as to when someone could be out - to give me a quote. Said they'd tape the quote to the door if I wasn't home. Thing is, I'm not going to haggle. I need the limb down and this is a company I've used in the past - they're fair and reasonable on their charges. Just send someone out please.

The fence isn't holding up as well as it was, which is a concern for me. The poor dogs haven't been let out unsupervised since we returned from Arkansas and nobody is happy about that. I do, however, leave the back door open when I'm home - if it's not too hot and if they're even remotely interested in being outside (although, have to say, all I have to do to get them interested in going outside is to CLOSE the door!).

I have no idea who to call about my chimney. None whatsoever. My concern is that it could potentially be a leak threat and we're expecting rain (for the first time since the hurricane) today and tomorrow. Although, I suppose if it was going to leak with any consequence, it would have done so during the hurricane.

As for those who gave input on the gift card - thank you. I did end up getting them a gift card. I had lunch with Mrs. SCG the Tuesday after they came out (SCG got pulled onto another job - related to damages caused at another facility - for three to six months so I may not see him much, if at all, for a while). She acted like it burned her when she touched it and said they couldn't accept it. I told her they had to because it had their name engraved on it (it didn't but she didn't look - and it worked because she took it then). She said SCG would be pissed though and he did send me a text that evening letting me know he wasn't happy. I spoke with him the next day and I told him that I just wanted to do something nice for them and thought they could use it for a nice dinner out and after that, he seemed okay with it. By the way, Mrs. SCG insisted on paying for my lunch that Tuesday - in fact, she had arranged it with the waitress before I arrived, yet they were reluctant to accept something from me (lunch was $30, by the way - 1/3 of the gift card, right off the bat!).

Oh, and in other Ike crap . . . I have a rental property out in Hempstead, Texas. It's a little shack really. My mother crew up in it and the tenant that lives there now has lived in it for more than 30 years. She pays all of $80 a month (and I've often wondered if I'm overcharging her - seriously!). Well, the house lost a good portion of the roof apparently. I asked her if she could find someone to come out and take a look at it and she said she would. Of course there were no roofers that could come out immediately so she called a jack of all trades guy who gave us a quote of "somewhere between $12,000 and $18,000. Yeah, so not happening! I asked the tenant to call the blue roof program so we'd have more time to consider our options. Have to say, the house isn't worth $12,000 so there's no way I can afford/justify paying that on the roof. Not to mention, at $80 a month, I won't be re-cooping that expense any time soon. Not sure what I'm going to do about that. (The house is not insured - I tried a few years back to get insurance but it's not up to code so is uninsurable at this time so the cost would be 100% on me.)

Anyway, hope to have all the Ike stuff cleared up soon and have life back to normal. In the meantime, I really appreciate all the good thoughts and vibes.

What's going on in y'alls worlds?

After the Storm

Well, SCG and his family got here Friday around 10:00 a.m. and worked until about 4:00 p.m. - and we didn't finish the clean up! I remembered that I hadn't used up all my exposures on the disposable camera I got in San Francisco so I snapped a few shots and took them to be developed (if nothing else, Ike got me to get pictures from Nationals developed).

Here is a shot of the pile of limbs in my front yard waiting to be picked up. And just let me say, this picture doesn't do the pile justice - it looks more massive in person, seriously.


Below are some shots of the backyard, as it looks now:

It may not look like it but I could stand upright when inside that dog house. And what's not green is covered in limbs that need to be raked and bagged up to be hauled out to the front. The dogs walk gingerly over it.

SCG kept saying he thought I should contract someone to cut down this tree and haul it off. I love this tree and couldn't understand why he would say that but looking at this picture, it does look kind of sad, doesn't it?By the way, the limb resting on the ground is attached to the one coming down from the tree AND the one shooting off to the right. The branch shooting off to the right is resting on my house and the way it's all laying, we couldn't get it down. It's likely it will cause damage to the roof and/or windows when it is brought down.

I took this next photo to kind of show how the fence had to be propped up. The tree in this picture is my favorite and doesn't seem to have sustained much, if any, damage as a result of the storm.


So, my question to you all. . . I want to do something nice for SCG and his family for all their hard work. I was thinking of a gift card (say MasterCard) of $100, that way they can use it how they choose to. I know it's not much, particularly given that it was a family of four that worked for 6 hours but it's all I can afford at the moment. Do you think it will be insulting? Should I get something more personal? And if so, suggestions?

If it helps, I didn't ask SCG for help - he offered. He called me Thursday a week ago as I was loading up my car to evacuate and asked if there was anything he could do - anything I needed. Then he kept in touch with me throughout the next week, letting me know how things were here and asking that I let him know when I would be back so he could help me. He even sent a text the day I came back, asking if I was back and when I'd be back so he could come help me. And he didn't hesitate to come out and he - and his family - worked their tails off for 6 hours to get done what we did.

So, thoughts? Suggestions? Help please! :)

O. M. G.!

Well, as Gabrielle can attest, I have a crappy camera that never works when I need/want it to so I wasn't able to take photos on it (although I did take pictures with my cell phone, only I don't have the internet on my phone). But OMG, the friend who told me about the damages in no way prepared me for what I came home to. She said, "Of course there are branches on the ground." Uh, yeah. I have about a quarter of an acre here (large for a subdivision lot) and there is no ground that isn't covered. And we're not talking any pansy ass small limbs, we're talking big huge honking limbs that make walking through the backyard impossible. Not to mention, the french doors are blocked by branches.

She also failed to mention (although not a big deal) that the dog house has been up-ended. I've been wanting to get rid of it so I'm really okay with that. But the 40 feet of fence that is down? Uh, try about 100 feet of fence down! And the posts are snapped off - not uprooted, broken.

But with all that, amazingly, no windows were broken.

SCG and his family are coming out within the next hour to help clean up my yard and repair my fence. He lives in a brand new home and mine is 25 years old and in need of a facelift. I'm not really comfortable with him seeing my house but I'm so so so so so grateful for him for helping me because I couldn't do this on my own.

I do have electricity and enough water for a few days - hopefully enough to last until the "boil water order" is lifted. No cable though (which was a disappointment to SCG's daughter lol).

Anyway, so that's how things are here. I'm home and grateful for what I have - including good friends. :)

Pity Party

I really shouldn't post today because I'm a bit depressed. I evacuated my home because of Hurricane Ike and the officials are saying I can't go back yet. Now, I could be a rebel and go home anyway but I'll be traveling with three large dogs and a donut spare tire but I've been hearing about all the flat tires because of the debris on the roads because of Ike. Too much of the drive home is barren for me to want to venture out under those conditions.

Not to mention, I don't have power or water at home. Power was restored Sunday but sometime between then and now, we lost it again.

Add to that, part of my fence is down. That wouldn't be a big deal if I didn't have the three big dogs I previously mentioned. I don't know how that's even going to work. So even if I go - and get - home, I have to deal with that. Well, that and the part of the tree on my roof and the chimney that is now part of my backyard decor.

I feel bad whining because it could have been so much worse and I know people who do have it worse - like my old boss who has a tree in his dining room. Or my friend who lost part of her roof. Or the people of Galveston who don't have homes to go back to. Compared to those people, I have it good. . . real good.

At least I have friends - good friends. There's the friend that went to my house and made note of the damages. There's SCG who offered to come help me with the tree and the fence as soon as I get home. And I've heard from so many people the past few days, checking in and making sure I'm okay and safe. That's really a nice feeling.

But even with all that, I want to go home - to my home. I want to be in my house cleaning up my mess and getting things back to normal. There was a time when coming to Arkansas was a vacation to me but it's not like that anymore and it's not like that now. Not knowing when I can go home or when things will be back to normal has been very stressful for me. I wish I could just go with the flow but it's not working, try as I might.

In any event, that's my current status - whine officially over (for now). When I'm feeling a bit peppier, remind me to tell you my list of things to be sure to pack when evacuating and about the spider the size of Nebraska.

Fight or Flight?

I'm not a confrontational type of person. If something bothers me, I usually won't say anything - I hold it in, thinking the situation will get better or right itself somehow. It takes a lot for me to "unburden" myself of my frustrations - to the point of when I do finally "snap", the person on the receiving end is probably thinking I'm some sort of psycho because whatever it was that pushed me over the edge was something they'd been doing for forever.

Yeah, I'm one of those people.

So, in that regard, I guess I'm a flight girl. I don't really like that about myself but it's something I know about myself.

But then, I learned something about myself this week. I guess I already knew it but it was really brought home to me in this situation.

Secret Crush Guy (SCG) and I had a little "situation" this week. And in case I haven't mentioned it here, mine and SCG's relationship has become one of close friends. There's no more of the awkwardness because I have inappropriate feelings for him, because those feelings are - not gone but re-channeled, for lack of a better word. He's among the top five closest friends I've ever had, and it's not one-sided and I feel comfortable with it because his wife is a part of the equation - we've become friends too. Everything's out in the open and there are no secrets (well, except that I once lusted after her husband but then again, that was never out in the open to SCG either so...).

But back to the situation. We usually walk out together after work - or at the very least, stop by the other's office to tell them we're leaving . . . without them. Yesterday he was in an all day meeting and was taking today off so I totally expected him to slip out as soon as his meeting was over - but I still expected him to tell me he was leaving. Only he didn't. It's not a big deal or anything but I was kind of surprised, especially since he was going to be out today. So, I sent him a text message that said "I cannot believe you ditched me!!!"

He responded with "I dont want to tell you the details. You may not forgive me." *typos are his

I immediately called him up and said I wanted the details. He laughed and said he was meeting Brenda at Pappadeaux for drinks.

Now, I know that doesn't sound like a big deal but it was like a knife to my heart. Let me start off by saying, I don't care who he is friends with - I honestly don't. It's none of my business. Ditto for what he does with those friends. What bothered me was I really cannot stand Brenda and he knows that. (For what it's worth, he's not particularly a fan of hers either, which I think played into my reaction as well.) We've also - recently - talked about going out for drinks after work but he's commented that he's a big flirt and a tease when he drinks (which of course is what I want to see in action because I think it would be hysterical - not because I want that directed at me . . . his wife is an invited guest to the event, should it ever happen) and I think he's afraid he would embarrass himself too much. Anyway, I knew there was more to the story than what he'd told me but I was upset because he would use her and drinking to get a rise out of me - which is what he wanted to do. So in essence, he deliberately upset me, which is why I was so upset. I seriously thought I was going to start bawling on the phone so I told him I was going to hang up "now". He laughed again and I said bye and he started saying something as I hung up on him.

It took long enough for him to realize I'd hung up and for him to dial me back up before my phone rang. I clicked on "ignore" and deleted the message he left without listening to it - which I've never done before, by the way. He sent me another text that said "I was tearing you. We are having our project management conference dinner. Cant believe you hung up!" *again, typos are his and it took me awhile to realize "tearing" was supposed to be teasing!

I didn't respond. He called again but didn't leave a message that time.

I was upset all night and then had bad dreams about it. I know it doesn't seem like a lot but it really bothered me. Anyway, he called me first thing this morning. I decided to take the call and just said Hello. He said, "What's your problem?" Now, I should point out that he said it more in a playful voice but given the circumstances, it wasn't funny to me - at all. In fact, I had that "I'm going to start bawling" feeling again. So I took a deep breath and said, "Wow. Nice way to start the conversation." He laughed. It still wasn't going over well with me so I said, "I'm going to hang up now." He asked me something about why I was hanging up on him and I took another deep breath and said I didn't want to talk to him just then. He asked why. I said bye and I hung up.

And here's the deal. I was in flight mode. Not just from the confrontation but I was also checking out of the friendship - completely. Last night when I went to bed I was thinking it was the end of our friendship - that's how hurt I was - and is why I think I had the bad dreams. I woke up this morning deciding that, in fairness to him, we needed to talk about it - which is why I took his call. But then his opening comment . . . well, I already told you how that went. I immediately went into flight mode again - from the confrontation and from the friendship. I was going to let the weekend pass without contacting him but I talked to a mutual friend of ours and she said she thought our friendship was good enough but if I waited too long, irreparable damage could be done. She didn't think I should wait over the weekend to contact him. So I texted him and said "Shorthand version-not mad you just really hurt my feelings by deliberate actions-deliberate being the key word. didn't want to cry so hung up." He responded with "Sorry. It was meant as tease. I would never deliberately hurt your feelings."

Okay, I know he wouldn't deliberately hurt my feelings. I know that. I also knew he was teasing me. It was just that his actions were deliberate, and he did want a reaction from me - just not the one I gave him.

Anyway, there has been no further communication because I had to take the dogs to the vet and I didn't have another opportunity but I still feel like our friendship took a hard hit. But I'm really stunned that my reaction was (and, to be honest, still kind of is) a flight one because he really is a good friend of mine. I think one of the problems is he's an "instant" communicator. He's told me that him and his wife leave nothing unsaid - and I think that played a part in his wanting to talk about this but I don't work like that. Me? I need time to regroup. I have to think on things a while so that I don't blurt out the first thing that comes to mind because those are the things that are only meant for that one split second that you're saying them but can really do irreparable damage to the relationship. You know what I mean? So I guess that's what I'm fleeing. I don't want to have the conversation. Hmm, guess I probably need to get over that, if I want to save the friendship.

What about you? Do you fight or (take) flight? Not just in confrontations but in relationships. Inquiring minds want to know.