And then there were two

Have you been watching The Bachelorette this season? Is it just me or does it seem like each season the producers want to just up the drama?

I haven't been deleting the episodes after I watch them but because my DVR is almost full and because the season is almost over, I have been re-watching all of this season's shows this weekend.

First let me say, I can't believe Stephen got let go on week one. He was so cute and funny. Mark made it to week seven I think and you know what? I didn't even remember him from the show!

But I digress.

In week two the guys had to vote for who they wanted off the show. I clearly remember being disappointed that they couldn't vote for Wes because he already had a rose. Re-watching this weekend I didn't feel the same (intense) animosity towards him. Maybe it's because I know he was finally found out and booted from the show. I just know that watching it again, I was surprised that he'd evoked such a strong (negative) reaction so early.

I fell in love with Jake and Kiptyn all over again. I was a bit disappointed in Jake for coming back and telling on Wes. Not that I didn't want Wes discovered and sent home, but you know, I'm not really sure what the problem was. Maybe I thought he should have come forward sooner, I don't know. Definitely made Wes look doubly bad though. Yet, Jillian kept him.

And Ed? OMG, she let him come back??? I told my friend (the one that got me hooked on the show) that if it was me, I wouldn't have let Ed come back. I understand why he did what he did but he made his choice and she'd likely be abandoned again by him. Not to mention that Michael was as cute as can be and he got the boot so he could stay. Didn't care for that. (Michael call me!)

Wes finally screwed up and admitted to having a girlfriend and finally got the boot. Jillian had the overnight dates and Ed was "unable to perform" and yet, she still kept him - over Reid. Seriously, what's up with that?

The previews suggest that one of the departed guys comes back and proposes. My friend and I suspect it's Reid but it could also be Michael - or even Jake maybe? I seriously doubt it would be Wes, who for the record, never denied having a girlfriend. No, he would just say, I can't believe you're asking this again sort of thing. A non-answer.

Anyway, so, it's down to two - Ed and Kiptyn. As I said, Kiptyn was an early front runner in my book and I'd love to see him get the final rose. Ed, not so much. I liked Ed and all but he ditched her once and I think it was the work of the producers that got him back more than him wanting to come back. After all, they had to be involved for him to know where she was - and in what room.

Tomorrow The Men Tell All airs. My friend and I have a little bet (if you can call something that has no pay off if you "win" a bet) on whether Wes will show up. She says no because he made such a fool of himself and was outted as having a girlfriend. I say he will show up because he was quite proud of making it to the final four WITH a girlfriend. Not to mention I don't think he'll pass up another opportunity to promote his CD.

In any event, I can say that watching the show when you know the outcome (at least to this point anyway) is a lot less stressful than the first time through. I got so aggravated with her for making such stupid choices the first time through. The second time through, not so much. And Tanner P and his foot fetish? Creepy the first time through - comical the second time through. But all of it, drama packed, don't you think?

So, what do you think? Will Kiptyn or Ed get the final rose? Who will show up and get down on bended knee to propose? And, will Wes show up for tomorrow's tell all?

Inquiring minds want to know. :o)

The one with no specific topic

I love spring time. It's my favorite time of the year. Unfortunately though, between school and work, I've had no time to enjoy it yet this year. And it's not looking good for me to have any face time with it in the near future either. Seriously, even my long hot baths (my one indulgence - once a week) aren't unmolested as I've been taking class reading material in with me - instead of my gossip magazines or pleasure reading materials. And it's getting to me. But I've been wanting to blog about a number of things (it's amazing how active the imagination is when you really don't have time for it) but I just haven't had time. But I'm going to make time today anyway...regardless of the consequences.

So, has anyone seen the show "What Would You Do?"? It's on ABC and what they do is they set up situations and document how people react to them. I've watched the show a couple of times and they've really done some interesting pieces. But, the one I'm going to blog about today has to do with something near and dear to my heart...online dating. :o)

Here's the set up...they had a man and a woman set up dates with people they'd met online. The woman was drop dead gorgeous, about 5'5" tall with a good body. The man was also drop dead gorgeous and about 5'11", with a good body.

Those people really existed and were a part of the set up. But when the people came to meet their dates, the woman they met was 6'1". She wasn't unattractive but she was definitely not who the guys were expecting. The man, on the other hand was only 5'3" - and balding.

So, here's how it played out...It was really enlightening.

They had the faux date waiting when the women showed up first. The first woman was very pleasant to him. He said that he'd fudged his height and she said it didn't matter. He asked if she'd go out with him again and she said yes. Then, when the producers told her what was going on, she said she wouldn't go out with him again and had lied to be polite so's not to hurt his feelings.

The second girl came out and was also polite to him but they had the real guy come and sit next to her. She did a double take and then continued to talk to the faux date. Faux date got up for a minute and she turned to the real date and gave him her name and number. When the producers interviewed her afterwards, she also didn't want to hurt his feelings but wasn't going to pass up an opportunity with the real date.

The last girl was very upset and got up and left. The producers brought her back to discuss with her and she was still upset at the situation - if she said why, I can't remember.

Then they did the guys, which was very interesting.

Guy number one had his face pixeled out as he was bleeped out, yelling at everyone. The producers were going after him and he went so far as shoving the cameraman, as he continued to be bleeped.

Guy number two also had his face pixeled out, even though he never came into the bar. Instead, they showed him looking through the window and then call his date - who was in the back, receiving the call. Faux date pretended to be on the phone so he knew she was who he was meeting. He asked if she was in the bar and she said yes. He left and sent a text that said "Family emergency came up. Won't be able to make it. Sorry." Classy, don't you think?

Anyway, on to guy number three. Him and faux date really seemed to hit it off. To the point that when they brought in the real date, he did a double take but was content to continue his conversation with the faux date. Then, when the producers told him what was going on and why did he continue to talk to his faux date, he said because they really seemed to have a lot in common. After the producers were done with him, him and faux date continued to talk. Now, that's the kind of guy I want to meet! But I digress.

There was one more date, which was actually kind of funny. Like date number three, he talked with the faux date and they got on fine. Faux date excused herself for a minute and the bartender (who was in on it) started talking to him about his online date. The guy was saying that the picture he'd seen online was "smoking" and that that wasn't who he'd met but that, that's what you had to expect with online dating. Not too shabby. But here comes the funny part...The real date came up and introduced herself. He seemed a little shocked but started talking to her. Then they sent faux date back in. She played it well, like she'd been busted. Grabbed her stuff and darted quickly out of the bar. When the producers told him what was going on, he was cool with it and they ended up sending him out - sans cameras - with his real date.

So, what I got from all of this is that men really are visual creatures - at least for the most part. I mean, I already knew it but this really brought it home - particularly with the online dating thing. But anyway...


In other news, have you heard about the new reality show that's coming on on TVLand? It's called Cougar and is about older women wanting to date younger men. It was created by the same people who put on The Bachelor and, from my understanding, is formatted the same way. I'm having some computer issues so I'm not sure what all can be seen but you can find out more about the show here (http://www.tvland.com/prime/shows/cougar/season1/). :) (okay, can't do link embedding either...darned computer!!!) Should be interesting. :o)

Well, I think there was more I was going to share but whatever it was has left me.

So, what's new with you guys?

Back in the Saddle Again

For some unknown reason I tend to get crushes on the most inappropriate men. Last year it was a married man. This year it's someone who is, quite literally, half my age. Aside from the fact there are just some things he may want to experience that I may not be able or want to, knowing that I had been married two years when he was born provides enough of an ick factor for me that I'm trying to divert my attention - much like I did last year - again.

Which is why I joined another online dating service a few weeks ago. I think it's a newer one and I don't know of anyone who has previously used this service. But, it's associated with a known service (that I had eliminated as a possible service I would use) that others I know have used - and loved.

Can someone please explain to me why I keep doing this to myself because I just don't get it. I also don't get some of the guys on there.

Like the one that says he has an "athletic/toned" body with pictures that show a beer gut plain as day.

Or the one whose picture is taken of him from the bridge of his nose up. Yes, there are other pictures of him in the profile but seriously, why include that one?

Then there's the one that says "I'm 55 but don't look it". Um, you're right, you don't...you look much, much older than that sorry to say.

There was one who "channeled" his deceased mother for the profile saying something like "I never know what to say on these profiles so I thought I'd 'interview' my mother for this one." And then proceeds to "ask" his mother questions and have her answer them - about him. I thought it was a little strange but decided to look at it as creative and humorous and I communicated with him for a little while. He became obsessive about communicating offline and pictures. So, when I sent him a link to see a picture of me, he closed the communication because he was suddenly "pursuing another relationship". Should've followed my first instinct on that one.

And in a "drapes don't match the carpet" kind of way, one listed himself as having red hair. Now, I guess you just have to take that on faith because, while I didn't see his "carpet", the man had no drapes, so to speak. Dude, you're bald! If you don't want people to know that up front, then don't post your picture!

Of course I still get the geographically undesirable matches with people in other states. The service has a drop down list of reasons you're closing a match, which they say they will use to better match you in the future. But let's start with the fact that I have that my matches must be within 25 miles (the shortest distance allowed on the site) and they're matching me with people in Louisiana - again. I marked "physical distance is too great" (120 miles away) as the reason I was closing the match. So what do they do? They match me with someone in Fort Worth, Texas because, I guess they think if they keep it in the state of Texas it's acceptable? Uh, excuse me but Fort Worth is roughly 285 miles away. If Lake Charles is too far away, why would Fort Worth be acceptable?

And lastly, there was a match with someone I think I know...again. I can't quite place him but I'm pretty sure I know him from somewhere else. I mentioned this to him and he said it could be from another site. I looked at the site he mentioned and I'm pretty sure that's not it. So, it's got me to thinking that the people they're thinking are the best matches for me are people I rejected in my past. And if I rejected them in the past, why would I want to be matched up with them now?

But the good news is, it's working at getting my mind off my totally inappropriate crush (heretofore to be known as TIC).

Confession Time

As most of you know, I did the online dating thing this past summer. The purpose was to keep me "entertained" during the summer, when I wasn't too busy with classes. If something happened, great. If not, it wasn't a big deal. Well, the experience wasn't all that exciting. The only person I actually "met" from there (or even took it beyond talking on the online website) was the guy I knew before I got married. I haven't seen him since the alcohol enhanced meeting. So really no activity came from that.

But, since I seemed to have 3 extra minutes a week (after work, school and now the marathon training), I started thinking about giving it another shot. When I got the letter offering me three months for the price of one, I took them up on it.

And then it hit me. I signed up for this during the holiday season! So not cool. My membership expires a couple of days before Valentine's day. Completely uncool! I'm not a Ms Lonely Hearts and I certainly don't want to meet a Mr. Lonely Heart so I'm thinking I'm just wasting another three months membership. Oh well.

Anyway, there was one match that looked promising - at first. He's a firefighter. His profile looked really good. And then I looked at his pictures. Now, normally I'd be all over someone who judged a person based on their pictures (or lack thereof) but this was different - hear me out.

There were six photos total. Only one was of Mr. Firefighter. The other five were of his kids (one was in there twice so really only four other different pictures). First one was of his son and daughter together - it was sweet. Next two were of his son alone. Last one was of his son too. He was standing by an ice chest of sorts - and he was proudly holding a deer's head, with another one visible in the ice chest.

Now, I'm not a vegetarian but I never knowingly eat deer meat. I'm not judging those that do, it's just not for me. I'm also not judging those that hunt, but again, it's not for me. And, honestly, I think I would have been okay with him being a hunter, who eats deer meat, if we'd met, but it was shocking to see that picture with his profile.

I wanted to be open-minded though, so I didn't automatically close the match - I wanted to think on it a while. Then, I got a "communication" from the guy, asking me to share my pictures (I did finally post one but it's not open for all to see automatically). Hmmm, so he wants to see my picture before he does any further communication, does he? That suggests he's going to judge me on my picture maybe? Well, if that's the case and he was going to judge me on my picture, I decided it was okay to judge him on the one he posted - of the dead deer head.

Match closed.

Someday has arrived

Several years ago my ex-boss's wife ran a marathon. She was at least in her late fifties, possibly in her early sixties. I was very impressed. And a bit jealous because it's something I'd like to do myself. Yet, I did nothing about it then. Time went by and I still did nothing about it. I'd hear about upcoming marathons and think "someday". But still, I did nothing.

Fast forward to this past week. Wednesday we had an offsite team building activity at work and I carpooled with two other ladies to the event. During the course of conversation, one of the ladies mentioned that she was training for the half-marathon in January. The bug of jealousy bit me again but I just kind of swatted at the pesky little thing.

That evening I logged on to the internet, stopping by my usual places and came across a post (can't remember where I first saw it to be honest) where a writer friend of mine, Mel, along with another friend of hers were gearing up for half-marathons and decided to blog about their journeys here. I was really impressed and inspired but I still got out the can of bug killer for the jealousy bug flying about.

THEN, the next day I was chatting with this man at work that I not so secretly have a crush on (everyone but him knows about the crush - at least I hope he doesn't know) and he tells me HE's training for a half-marathon.

It's like the story where the river starts rising and rescuers try to save this man who keeps saying "Jesus will save me". He passes on the vehicles that come, the boats that come, the helicopter that comes - all to save him. Then, when he dies in the flood he asks Jesus, "why didn't you save me?" and Jesus responds, "Well, I sent you a vehicle, a boat and a helicopter..."

Now, it's not like I'm going to die if I don't do this or anything but I do think there's something to the fact that in such a short time it's become like THE topic of conversation among my friends and I want to take a look at that. It's something I've wanted to do for a while and if I do it this time around, I won't be doing it alone.

So, I've been online and the Houston Marathon is full - I can't run in that marathon but I CAN run in the Little Rock marathon in March, with Mel. Tell me this isn't fated. It falls on the first weekend of my spring break. My step-father lives in Arkansas so I could visit him (and not have to kennel my dogs!) and see Mel. How can I not think I'm supposed to do this - now?

I do have to admit though, that heavy breathing you're hearing from me at the moment isn't because I'm winded from just running - or because I'm excited or anything. No, sadly it's the kind of breathing that comes from hyperventilating. I mean, I am excited about this but I'm also anxious about this. But I can do this, right? Just because I throw up a little every time I say (or type) that I'm going to do this doesn't mean anything. It doesn't!

But that all said, I'm all in. I AM doing this because someday has arrived!

Fight or Flight?

I'm not a confrontational type of person. If something bothers me, I usually won't say anything - I hold it in, thinking the situation will get better or right itself somehow. It takes a lot for me to "unburden" myself of my frustrations - to the point of when I do finally "snap", the person on the receiving end is probably thinking I'm some sort of psycho because whatever it was that pushed me over the edge was something they'd been doing for forever.

Yeah, I'm one of those people.

So, in that regard, I guess I'm a flight girl. I don't really like that about myself but it's something I know about myself.

But then, I learned something about myself this week. I guess I already knew it but it was really brought home to me in this situation.

Secret Crush Guy (SCG) and I had a little "situation" this week. And in case I haven't mentioned it here, mine and SCG's relationship has become one of close friends. There's no more of the awkwardness because I have inappropriate feelings for him, because those feelings are - not gone but re-channeled, for lack of a better word. He's among the top five closest friends I've ever had, and it's not one-sided and I feel comfortable with it because his wife is a part of the equation - we've become friends too. Everything's out in the open and there are no secrets (well, except that I once lusted after her husband but then again, that was never out in the open to SCG either so...).

But back to the situation. We usually walk out together after work - or at the very least, stop by the other's office to tell them we're leaving . . . without them. Yesterday he was in an all day meeting and was taking today off so I totally expected him to slip out as soon as his meeting was over - but I still expected him to tell me he was leaving. Only he didn't. It's not a big deal or anything but I was kind of surprised, especially since he was going to be out today. So, I sent him a text message that said "I cannot believe you ditched me!!!"

He responded with "I dont want to tell you the details. You may not forgive me." *typos are his

I immediately called him up and said I wanted the details. He laughed and said he was meeting Brenda at Pappadeaux for drinks.

Now, I know that doesn't sound like a big deal but it was like a knife to my heart. Let me start off by saying, I don't care who he is friends with - I honestly don't. It's none of my business. Ditto for what he does with those friends. What bothered me was I really cannot stand Brenda and he knows that. (For what it's worth, he's not particularly a fan of hers either, which I think played into my reaction as well.) We've also - recently - talked about going out for drinks after work but he's commented that he's a big flirt and a tease when he drinks (which of course is what I want to see in action because I think it would be hysterical - not because I want that directed at me . . . his wife is an invited guest to the event, should it ever happen) and I think he's afraid he would embarrass himself too much. Anyway, I knew there was more to the story than what he'd told me but I was upset because he would use her and drinking to get a rise out of me - which is what he wanted to do. So in essence, he deliberately upset me, which is why I was so upset. I seriously thought I was going to start bawling on the phone so I told him I was going to hang up "now". He laughed again and I said bye and he started saying something as I hung up on him.

It took long enough for him to realize I'd hung up and for him to dial me back up before my phone rang. I clicked on "ignore" and deleted the message he left without listening to it - which I've never done before, by the way. He sent me another text that said "I was tearing you. We are having our project management conference dinner. Cant believe you hung up!" *again, typos are his and it took me awhile to realize "tearing" was supposed to be teasing!

I didn't respond. He called again but didn't leave a message that time.

I was upset all night and then had bad dreams about it. I know it doesn't seem like a lot but it really bothered me. Anyway, he called me first thing this morning. I decided to take the call and just said Hello. He said, "What's your problem?" Now, I should point out that he said it more in a playful voice but given the circumstances, it wasn't funny to me - at all. In fact, I had that "I'm going to start bawling" feeling again. So I took a deep breath and said, "Wow. Nice way to start the conversation." He laughed. It still wasn't going over well with me so I said, "I'm going to hang up now." He asked me something about why I was hanging up on him and I took another deep breath and said I didn't want to talk to him just then. He asked why. I said bye and I hung up.

And here's the deal. I was in flight mode. Not just from the confrontation but I was also checking out of the friendship - completely. Last night when I went to bed I was thinking it was the end of our friendship - that's how hurt I was - and is why I think I had the bad dreams. I woke up this morning deciding that, in fairness to him, we needed to talk about it - which is why I took his call. But then his opening comment . . . well, I already told you how that went. I immediately went into flight mode again - from the confrontation and from the friendship. I was going to let the weekend pass without contacting him but I talked to a mutual friend of ours and she said she thought our friendship was good enough but if I waited too long, irreparable damage could be done. She didn't think I should wait over the weekend to contact him. So I texted him and said "Shorthand version-not mad you just really hurt my feelings by deliberate actions-deliberate being the key word. didn't want to cry so hung up." He responded with "Sorry. It was meant as tease. I would never deliberately hurt your feelings."

Okay, I know he wouldn't deliberately hurt my feelings. I know that. I also knew he was teasing me. It was just that his actions were deliberate, and he did want a reaction from me - just not the one I gave him.

Anyway, there has been no further communication because I had to take the dogs to the vet and I didn't have another opportunity but I still feel like our friendship took a hard hit. But I'm really stunned that my reaction was (and, to be honest, still kind of is) a flight one because he really is a good friend of mine. I think one of the problems is he's an "instant" communicator. He's told me that him and his wife leave nothing unsaid - and I think that played a part in his wanting to talk about this but I don't work like that. Me? I need time to regroup. I have to think on things a while so that I don't blurt out the first thing that comes to mind because those are the things that are only meant for that one split second that you're saying them but can really do irreparable damage to the relationship. You know what I mean? So I guess that's what I'm fleeing. I don't want to have the conversation. Hmm, guess I probably need to get over that, if I want to save the friendship.

What about you? Do you fight or (take) flight? Not just in confrontations but in relationships. Inquiring minds want to know.

My first meeting

Okay, so you know that it took an online dating service for me to reconnect with a long lost friend (who I went out with once before a hundred years ago). Well, we finally met up a week ago Monday night. The following day, my good friend (SCG) brought me this:




I started on the hard liquor before he started talking but aside from that, that's EXACTLY how my date went. The sad thing is, I'm not even kidding.

So, no romantic connection is in the future for us but hey, I won't count out that we might go out as friends again. Oh, and P.S. Today is his birthday.

Lasting Relationships

A long, long time ago I heard (or was told) that women set the tone of a romantic relationship. For example, if the guy starts out by walking on her and she just takes it from him, she's setting herself up to be treated that way for the rest of the relationship - however long it may last. If, down the line, she decides she's had enough, the man it taken aback and balks at it because he can't understand why something he's been doing from day one is suddenly a problem. He'll tell the woman she's the problem and probably convince her of that. I think I read somewhere that, statistically, married men lived longer than single men and single women lived longer than married women. Why is that? Someone said it was because the men were sucking the life out of the women but, well...

For the most part, I really like being single. I don't have to account to another human being for my actions. I can come and go as I please. I can spend my income any way I choose. I just have a lot of freedom. And I enjoy that.

On the other hand, when things aren't perfect and I need help, there's just me to figure things out. When things get bad at work and I'd rather ram sharp objects in my eyes while crawling over red-hot coals on my stomach, I have to suck it up and go into the office because working is not an option for me - I have to work.

All this is leading up to reunion guy (Don) and my online dating experience. Last weekend I was a bit giddy about having been "reunited" with Don. It was a lot of fun discussing old times and how we each perceived things. I felt completely at ease with him - totally comfortable. He gave me his phone number and email address. I felt comfortable emailing him from my personal email - I didn't create a phony one for this purpose. I didn't immediately offer up my phone number though, because he didn't ask for it. I also had no intention of calling him - I was raised that you don't call men, and for the most part I don't.

At the urging of many people, I finally offered up my home number to him without his asking for it. (I gave him the home number because any other number and he could/would be calling me at work and things are just too busy there for that now.) I also threw something in that email saying something to the effect of that we'd covered enough ancient history and asked about his life over the last 25 years. I specifically told him that I'd love to hear about his wife (who passed away a couple of years ago) and daughter, if he was comfortable talking about them. Yet, he seems stuck in the past. The only things I've learned about Don and the past 25 years is that his wife passed away, that he has a daughter and that he's working for a chemical company - and I learned all that from his profile. The only new information I've gotten from him is the name of the company he works for and I only got that because he sent me email from his work!

He keeps bringing up my marriage. I shared with him some of the things my ex and I went through before we got married and why I still married him, despite having doubts about him - and he seems to be focusing on that. Seems to be looking at it as I'm broken now and need to be fixed - and that he's the one to fix me. First email like that had me responding with "let me just clarify" and I proceeded to explain that I was giving him an example - not complaining about my life. He responded with something that came across like maybe I was in denial - but he could help with that. My reaction was to back way off.

He informed me that he was going to call me Wednesday evening - or at least try to. I wasn't at all upset when he didn't. I got an email from him Thursday suggesting he might call that night (he didn't come right out and say that but I got that from the email), so I came home from work and unplugged my phone. Then, about 9:15 Thursday night, I got an email from him telling me to get ready for his call, which would be coming soon. Normally, the time would tick me off but he was at work and I totally get that. No, my problem was that he just expected me to be home waiting for his email and call. Totally ticked me off.

He sent an email yesterday morning saying he'd tried to call and asked when he could call during the day yesterday - and could we meet up today. I responded, letting him know that I had unplugged my phone and intended to stay home this weekend, relaxing. I think I was pretty nice about it while also getting my point across - I wasn't going to see him this weekend. I got an email from him this morning telling me he wouldn't have been able to see me today anyway. It came across as his idea. Whatever. He also asked, again, when he can call. I haven't responded.

Then there's his pictures. He looks old. I know that shouldn't matter, but it does - apparently. I showed them to a couple of friends of mine (including SCG - yes I told him everything . . . everything) and they all think he looks about 20 years older than I do. That's a problem for me, for so many reasons. But, a good friend and SCG both think I should still give him a chance. Why? I have no idea.

Meanwhile, I'm wondering what it will cost to have my home number and email address changed...

In Shock!

I told a friend of mine yesterday that I'd blog about an eHarmony discovery I made. I didn't blog about it last night because, well, I was re-reading old posts to see if I needed to delete and/or amend any posts before I gave it out to someone (from eHarmony) who'd trusted me with their myspace information. And well, since this has always been a "secret" blog, I've kind of been pretty open on it so I wasn't sure if I should give it out "as is", if you know what I mean. I read about a year's worth of posts and didn't see anything I thought was particularly bad (although I do know of one dated further back that I wouldn't necessarily show this person).

I didn't post this morning because I was too busy replying to an email from this person. But I'm here now.

Anyway, remember eHarmony match Don? The one I thought I might know? It is him! At each step I worried that he would close the match before I found out for certain but I decided that, no matter what, I had to be honest in my answers (although I did keep in mind that I might know this person). As things progressed I thought to myself that if it wasn't the Don I knew, it was a Don I thought I wanted to get to know. So either way, I didn't want the match to be closed.

Thing was, he always seemed to take a few days to respond to things so it seemed like it was really going slow. I guess I had posed some questions to him and was waiting on a response when he gave me a photo nudge without responding to the questions. I thought the match might get closed at that point because it seems to be pretty important to some of the guys on there. And in case I haven't mentioned it before, I put in my profile that I don't have a picture to post so if someone wanted to close a match based on that, it was okay with me because they wouldn't be a good fit for me anyway - words to that effect. My response, though, was to give him a photo nudge. He has photos posted but to be shown "at a later stage" (we've exchanged email addresses and I still can't see them!). I guess he got the message because he responded to the questions and we progressed from there.

At the open-ended questions phase, I asked him about his extended family and what holidays were like. I figured his answer would give me a better idea whether it was the Don I thought it was or not. I was all but convinced by his response but there was a sliver of doubt there. I asked a couple of friends of mine what they thought - whether I should ask him or not tell him I suspected I knew him. They didn't think I should ask but I felt it would be dishonest to not ask. I didn't want to play games. Figured the worst thing that would happen is he would close the match - without answering!

Since I've already mentioned that it is him and that we've exchanged email addresses, I think it's safe to assume he responded to me. It's been fun catching up with an old friend. It's been hysterical to hear how we viewed things that happened differently. I just found out yesterday that it was him but we've exchanged a couple of long emails and I guess it seems longer. Plus, it almost feels like no time has passed since we were last spoke (a hundred years ago!). It's just kind of weird but I can't stop smiling. :)

The blog about nothing

Remember the Seinfeld episode where Elaine invited George's girlfriend to the movie? George was upset because his two "worlds" were colliding. Well, I have a similar situation going on at work. See, I used to talk about my friends from law to my friends in engineering and vice versa. Then recently part of my group moved their offices down by law AND a friend of mine from law came upstairs to my area and met SCG. Worlds are colliding!!!

Speaking of work, things are not much better there and I'm picking up old habits. You know, of the eating-under-stress variety. I've gained ten pounds in the last month. I still went to Weight Watchers though (and had to pay) because I figured if I was having to pay for it, I'd get more motivated to get the weight back off.

And since we're talking about getting the weight back off, I should mention that I've been going to the gym the last few days (7-day free pass to 24-hour fitness gym). Water aerobics and yoga may look like wimpy classes but they both kicked my rear! The step-aerobic class I took this morning had less of an impact than they did. I'm thinking of joining for the summer, since I don't anticipate having a lot of time in the fall - what with school and all. The company I work for gets a good discount on memberships.

This online dating thing is going slow. I guess it was last weekend that I decided to take the bull by the horns and quit waiting for things to happen. I went through the 50+ "matches" that were open and either closed them or sent out questions. I've only heard back from two or three - one of which closed the match because they were pursuing another relationship. One of the ones I closed replied back that they thought we had potential and wanted me to reconsider. I re-read his profile and I only see two things that would have made me close the match - but one was a biggie. And there is one match who I think I may know:

Don is a 50 year old laboratory analyst - the age fits. We went to the same church (it's a huge church so that doesn't guarantee that I know him). He was married for 23 years when his wife passed away last year - which would be about right (length of marriage, that is) if it were who I think it is. He did mission work - again fits the man I know. Where he lives fits, as do his answers to my questions. He has pictures but they haven't been released for me to view yet so... Oh and if it is the guy I think it is, we went out once many, many years ago. I thought it was a "as friends" thing but, apparently, he thought it was a "date". We had a very nice time but he never "invited" me out like that again. After I married (anniversary was 25 years ago this past Wednesday), I saw him and he confessed to me that he'd had strong feelings for me. I don't think I ever suspected that but I do know that when he told me I'd wished I'd known at the time because he was such a good guy. Meanwhile, I'm just waiting for the time when I know for sure if this the same Don or not.

So, those are some things going on in my world. What's going on in yours?

All in the name of Research

I promise not to have daily updates on the online dating but, well, I am an official member now. I signed up for a three month membership. It will run out about the time school starts back up for me and I figure if nothing develops before then that I won't have time to continue. So I'm giving myself three months of "fun", if that's what you want to call it.

I've "closed" several more matches today. One had looked pretty promising on his profile - he said he loves dogs and just lost his dog, who was 17 years old. Plus he had a little country place that he likes to hang out it. It sounded good.

Until he got to the questions.

He only wants one night a week to himself...less time - way less time - than I want for myself.

I asked the premarital sex question of him and he wrote in "the last three". The only other option was "I'm completely opposed to it".

When asked if he dominated his relationships he said yes - translation: control freak, which is a total "no way in hell" for me.

Yet, I STILL moved on to the must haves/can't stands stage of the program, but only after I reminded myself of his love of dogs and his country place. lol

As for his must haves/can't stands, they reinforced my belief that he is a control freak and only wants someone whose world will revolve around him and his desires. Anyone who wants to have their own life or wants their needs and desires met will not be compatible for him.

Mark that one CLOSED as of 8:15 a.m. today.

Aside from that, I want to know why someone would include their official arrest mug shots as their photos. Seriously, now that I'm able to view pictures I have to wonder what these people think! And do the guys who include pictures of themselves with other women think that's appealing? I just want to say it looks like they have enough women in their lives already and I'm not willing to become part of their harem.

It's going to be an interesting three months.

Oh, and P.S. I'm a redhead, as of yesterday. ;-)

Meet the Bachelors

Bachelor #1
Jerry is a 47 year old Computer Technician and Export Manager
Jerry is the bachelor that made the crack about romance novels I mentioned a couple of posts ago. Even with the comment, I decided not to write him off immediately - I wanted to keep an open mind. So we went through the initial questions.

In response to my question regarding personal space, he said when he was at work was all the "down time" he needed - he wanted to spend the rest of his time with his partner. Uh, wrong answer for this girl! But, his dream getaway is a cottage by the sea. Made up some points with that. So we moved on to round 2...must haves and can't stands.

Let's just say he has high expectations for his partner and it doesn't seem like he's willing to give anything back.

The match was officially "closed" as of May 24, 2008, 12:44 p.m. (by me)


Bachelor #2
TOMMIE (how he was listed - in all caps) is 51 and retired - from what, I have no idea
One of TOMMIE's life skills is managing his finances (which could explain how he can be retired at 51).
His answers to my questions revealed that he is mostly serious but enjoys the occasional laugh. Okay, so not working for me as I love to laugh as much as possible - but, still keeping an open mind. But more on that in a minute.

We moved on to must haves and can't stands.
TOMMIE must have someone with a sense of humor. Yes, the guy who is mostly serious must have a woman with a sense of humor. (Note to TOMMIE, LUCY likes consistency!)

Nevertheless, we moved on to the second set of questions which we get to write ourselves, rather than draw from a list (although a list is available and I did use it).
In the question where I asked what one event in his life did he most regret he gave me a one sentence reply and then went on to give me his email and phone number, ask what I look like and tell me that he's only on the program through Monday.

Yet, I still agreed to move on to Open Communication (which is still anonymous through the website).
After a couple of emails (did I mention that he can't spell and his grammar is atrocious - who knew it would be so important to me!) of him begging me to call and/or email him, the match was officially "closed" by me on May 24, 2008 at 1:42 p.m.

Next up we have Bachelor #3
Jerry is a 61 year old Sales Rep.

Now, I have to be honest his age is a put off for me but I'm really trying to be open-minded here. However, the Sales Rep thing is even a bigger deal than the age...I don't much care for salesmen. But being open-minded and all, I answered his questions and then asked my own.

I asked how many years he had lived alone and he responded with his phone number and said he'd be leaving the service soon. Apparently he misunderstood how the question and answer thing worked!
Premarital sex? A part of the dating process.
Opinion on mate having opposite sex friends? Basically, only if any and all socializing is done in his presence.

The match was officially closed May 24, 2008 at 2:11 p.m.

Bachelor #4
David is a 42 year old truck driver. Okay, I've heard enough stories about truck drivers that I'm skeptical but still (for whatever reason) open-minded. He'd sent me an "icebreaker" and I reciprocated. Then the questions started.

I asked what his opinion of the traditional gender roles were, he basically said he was for them. Uh, wrong answer.
Premarital sex? He has no problem with it.
Laughter? Mostly serious with the occasional laugh.
Financially? He's cheap (paraphrasing here).
Opposite sex friendships? Not only does he think it's okay, he thinks they both should actively pursue them. Hmmm, I was asking because I have male friends and I don't anyone telling me I shouldn't (my ex did that and I regret that I let him talk me out of being friends with my friends) - but actively pursuing them? I don't know.

Still, I moved on to the must haves and can't stands. In a nutshell, he's looking for someone to take care of him and be his sex slave.

Match officially closed today at 3:46 p.m.

I have three others that are in the communication stage, one of which requested we "fast track" the communications (meaning you skip the questions and must haves/can't stands and go straight to open - anonymous - communication). He did this when we got to the "open question" phase and I directed a question to his "can't stands" (he can't stand gamblers and I love Las Vegas - even though I'm not really a gambler). I declined his fast track because I want him to answer the question at hand. I'm still waiting to see if he's okay with the decline.

There are two others that I've sent icebreakers to that seem promising but you never know. I guess time will tell.

Holiday Weekend

I'm so glad we have a long weekend this weekend. I brought home work because I have a 9:00 a.m. meeting on Tuesday and some things are going to be asked of me and I won't be able to give a thorough answer unless I do the work. But you know what, I don't care. I mean, who the heck schedules a meeting first thing in the morning on the first day back after a holiday? I'll be able to give a reasonably intelligent answer if I don't do the work, I just won't be able to answer ALL the questions that might come up. I've been working my tail off at work lately and I deserve the time off, so I'm taking it! I'm not working this weekend!!!

And I'm going to read as many books as time allows, starting with finishing Kasey Michael's latest, Dial M for Mischief.

I've also been playing a bit on the online dating sites I previously mentioned. eHarmony is having a free communication weekend. I had already been pretty well talked into officially joining, because someone pointed out to me that most men wouldn't pay for a membership if they weren't serious about it. There may a few scam artists out there who have paid, but not a lot. So, then eHarmony opens things up for four days. I was kind of reviewing the "matches" they've made and decided to be pretty open minded about it.

I received questions today from a man who is 51 (5 years older than me) and retired. His profile says something to the effect that he's thankful that money is not a problem for him. Then we go through the "guided communication" far enough to where he can send/ask more than the eHarmony system controls (initially you can only ask/tell things from a list provided by eHarmony). He mentions that he won't have his membership past Monday and gives me his email and home numbers - twice.

I looked back at his profile and notice that our "match" was made last night. I'm thinking that he only joined for the free communication weekend and may not be part of the "serious - I paid" crowd. I sent him an email (though the eHarmony system, and therefore somewhat anonymous) asking him when he joined or if he was just in for the free communication.

I'm thinking he's a "no".

What about you? Anyone have any big plans for the weekend?

Confession Time

Every Friday I pop over to the Killer Fiction Writer's blog and read the dating adventures of one Gemma Halliday. She's done the speed dating and the online dating and the blind dating and it just makes me want to be a bit more adventurous in that regard. I mean, I'm not looking to find "the one" to marry or anything but it would be nice to go out from time to time. I also have a friend who has done the online dating thing (which is the most scary to me in one way and least scary in another).

So anyway, a few days ago I decided to go to a couple of the online dating sites and create profiles. I wasn't officially a member of these services because no money had exchanged hands . . . that is until tonight. I joined one of them on a three day trial so that I could, er, check things out, for research purposes only, you understand. Yeah, that sounds good - research purposes.

Anyway, none of the services allow anything more than a "I'm interested/wink" type of communication unless you're a paid member. They will tell you that so-and-so wants to communicate with you but you can't respond. Well, on the first day I had a profile I received several "matches" and several with "communications". Of the "communications" most were wanting to close communication because they couldn't see pictures of me. I know men are visual people but still. I couldn't communicate back with them because, well, as I've been saying, I wasn't an official member. A couple wanted to communicate with questions. I could see their questions but couldn't respond for reasons stated above. Then I didn't log on for several days.

Even though I couldn't "communicate" with the men who wanted to close communication, I could close it from my end as well - just without a message. I decided to officially close out those who wrote me off because I didn't have pictures. And I noticed that the man who had sent questions had wanted to close communications for "other" (unidentified) reasons. I figure he was upset that I didn't respond to his questions (and guess he didn't know I couldn't) and decided I wasn't worth it. I closed that communication out as well. I was thinking strongly about it the other day anyway because well, his height was a bit of a problem for me - we're about the same height.

But, the guy who goes on the definite "close" list is the one who had this response to "last book you read":

A silly little historic romance (!?!). A charming story of how love triumphs over adversity. In it's defense...it was very well written for that type of book...some nice little hidden messages about being persistent in getting what you want out of life.

He posted questions for me which, well, I can't respond to. But wouldn't I love to tell him how offensive that comment was, as if romance books aren't well written.

Anyway, I have to confess something else here. I've never wanted to join an online dating service because, well, there's something about it that I don't like. It's kind of like this blog, a bit of a secret that few people know about me. It's not something I would tell many people I was doing so you can imagine how I felt when I was searching "who I matched" and came across someone I know...and work with!!! I didn't want to view his profile because it would tell him I had (although I don't have pictures or enough identifying information in the profile for him to know it's me) but curiosity got the better of me and I looked. Thing is, this man suggested we go out a few years ago. I mentioned that I was taking classes (I was at the time) and that certain evenings weren't open for me. Well, not only did he never ask me out, he told a mutual friend that I'd shot him down cold. We saw each other recently and he suggested that he wasn't interested in dating at all - yet he has a paid membership with an online dating service. I just find it interesting.

So, I have a three-day trial membership with an online service. Now, if I could only find a place to do the speed-dating thing...

Men are from Mars

Today is Thursday and as I drove into work I was listening to Roula and Ryan's Roses on the radio. I've blogged about that before but how it works is that if a relationship is in trouble (or one of the parties think it's in trouble) they contact the radio station and, if selected, Roula will contact the other party of the relationship and pretend to be starting up a floral business and offer them a dozen free red roses to see who they will be sent to, while the person who contacted the radio station listens in. Once they say who they're sending the flowers to and make out a card, they're let in on what is going on and the two parties air their dirty laundry on the radio. It's kind of sad but it's one of those things I just have to listen to on Thursdays.

Anyway, this morning the guy they called was familiar with the program and knew exactly who was putting them up to calling. And he was furious. He broke up with the girl on the radio and accused her of trying to push marriage on him. She said she didn't want to get married that she was only 25 and she seemed fine with the breakup. Usually they take calls from listeners to get their take on the situation...was the other party lying, etc.

Well today was different. Instead of their usual calls from listeners the topic went to talk of guys assuming girls have an agenda when they don't. Why do men assume all women are marriage minded? I found it quite interesting because that does seem to be the case. It seems if we smile at a man, he assumes we're coming on to them when really we're just being polite. We accept a date and they assume we're planning the wedding.

I dated someone a couple of years ago who was making - or trying to make - plans for us months in advance. It was freaking me out because he was assuming we'd still be together that far out and I wanted to take things one day/date at a time. And then he mentioned that he was concerned that I was wanting more from the relationship than he did...that maybe I was getting too serious. About the third time he said that to me I asked him what the heck he was talking about because I needed to know from what he was getting that vibe from because I was NOT looking at the long term. And just in case he didn't believe me, I broke up with him at the end of that date.

So what's up with that? Anyone have any thoughts on why men think the slightest gesture means we're in love and marriage bound? If you do, please share them because I'd really like to know.

Understanding Men

Okay, I don't mean to imply that I understand because honestly, I have no clue about them. There are characteristics that I like about them but I really don't get them. It's like their from...Mars or something. (Yes, I know there is a book about that and although I haven't read it, I'm a believer.)



Anyway, here's the latest thing that has me a bit puzzled about them and maybe you can help me out here. The man from work (aka secret crush guy, aka SCG) and I have been talking about tattoos. I don't really recall how the conversation came up but basically we were "supposing" that I would get one in San Francisco. And while we may have carried the whole conversation a bit far (considering he is married) that's not really the point of this post.



You see, he actually wants a tattoo but is a little, shall we say, chicken to have it done. Plus, he thinks he needs to get one where it's visible because after all, what's the point of having a tattoo if no one ever sees it (I, on the other hand, would have one that no one but my warm, close, personal friends - and medical professionals - would ever see...but that's just me). But he also thinks it's not terribly professional to have a visible tattoo in the work environment.



I suggested he get one on his chest, over his heart - of a heart with a little banner that had his wife's name on it. He didn't like that idea because apparently it's not "butch" (my word...not his) enough for him. Not to mention, what would the guys at the gym think? Because, after all, the people he works with go to the gym, and apparently stare at his chest (yeah, don't think I haven't given him grief about that! LOL).



After I let up on the ribbing about the guys staring at his chest at the gym, he said something else...he'd want it to be a decidedly female name. Not one that could be used for either gender (like Stacy, or Terry, to name two).



Uh, did anyone else catch that I'd suggested his wife's name to him? And yes, it's decidedly female. So I don't get the problem. Although I could, if he were having someone else's name tattoo'd on his chest. Can't see his wife being happy about that.



Anyway, that's just part of the question for me. I don't see why a man, who thinks tattoos in general say "bad ass" to those who see them, would think the tattoo suggested would be a problem. I don't get it.



But the bigger question for me is, why is it that men - who are mostly homophobic to begin with - stripping down, comfortably mind you, at the gym? Most women can and will change discreetly in the dressing area and find a private shower, if possible (although I will say that the women's locker at the work gym has a community shower - only one is private) and they typically make it a point not to look at other women dressing. It would be by accident if someone saw a tattoo on another woman's chest (you know, like you turned around and it was just "there"). So why do men do that (strip down) if they think someone is going to look at them and assume they're gay? Anyone have any idea? Because I just don't get it.