My first meeting

Okay, so you know that it took an online dating service for me to reconnect with a long lost friend (who I went out with once before a hundred years ago). Well, we finally met up a week ago Monday night. The following day, my good friend (SCG) brought me this:




I started on the hard liquor before he started talking but aside from that, that's EXACTLY how my date went. The sad thing is, I'm not even kidding.

So, no romantic connection is in the future for us but hey, I won't count out that we might go out as friends again. Oh, and P.S. Today is his birthday.

Lasting Relationships

A long, long time ago I heard (or was told) that women set the tone of a romantic relationship. For example, if the guy starts out by walking on her and she just takes it from him, she's setting herself up to be treated that way for the rest of the relationship - however long it may last. If, down the line, she decides she's had enough, the man it taken aback and balks at it because he can't understand why something he's been doing from day one is suddenly a problem. He'll tell the woman she's the problem and probably convince her of that. I think I read somewhere that, statistically, married men lived longer than single men and single women lived longer than married women. Why is that? Someone said it was because the men were sucking the life out of the women but, well...

For the most part, I really like being single. I don't have to account to another human being for my actions. I can come and go as I please. I can spend my income any way I choose. I just have a lot of freedom. And I enjoy that.

On the other hand, when things aren't perfect and I need help, there's just me to figure things out. When things get bad at work and I'd rather ram sharp objects in my eyes while crawling over red-hot coals on my stomach, I have to suck it up and go into the office because working is not an option for me - I have to work.

All this is leading up to reunion guy (Don) and my online dating experience. Last weekend I was a bit giddy about having been "reunited" with Don. It was a lot of fun discussing old times and how we each perceived things. I felt completely at ease with him - totally comfortable. He gave me his phone number and email address. I felt comfortable emailing him from my personal email - I didn't create a phony one for this purpose. I didn't immediately offer up my phone number though, because he didn't ask for it. I also had no intention of calling him - I was raised that you don't call men, and for the most part I don't.

At the urging of many people, I finally offered up my home number to him without his asking for it. (I gave him the home number because any other number and he could/would be calling me at work and things are just too busy there for that now.) I also threw something in that email saying something to the effect of that we'd covered enough ancient history and asked about his life over the last 25 years. I specifically told him that I'd love to hear about his wife (who passed away a couple of years ago) and daughter, if he was comfortable talking about them. Yet, he seems stuck in the past. The only things I've learned about Don and the past 25 years is that his wife passed away, that he has a daughter and that he's working for a chemical company - and I learned all that from his profile. The only new information I've gotten from him is the name of the company he works for and I only got that because he sent me email from his work!

He keeps bringing up my marriage. I shared with him some of the things my ex and I went through before we got married and why I still married him, despite having doubts about him - and he seems to be focusing on that. Seems to be looking at it as I'm broken now and need to be fixed - and that he's the one to fix me. First email like that had me responding with "let me just clarify" and I proceeded to explain that I was giving him an example - not complaining about my life. He responded with something that came across like maybe I was in denial - but he could help with that. My reaction was to back way off.

He informed me that he was going to call me Wednesday evening - or at least try to. I wasn't at all upset when he didn't. I got an email from him Thursday suggesting he might call that night (he didn't come right out and say that but I got that from the email), so I came home from work and unplugged my phone. Then, about 9:15 Thursday night, I got an email from him telling me to get ready for his call, which would be coming soon. Normally, the time would tick me off but he was at work and I totally get that. No, my problem was that he just expected me to be home waiting for his email and call. Totally ticked me off.

He sent an email yesterday morning saying he'd tried to call and asked when he could call during the day yesterday - and could we meet up today. I responded, letting him know that I had unplugged my phone and intended to stay home this weekend, relaxing. I think I was pretty nice about it while also getting my point across - I wasn't going to see him this weekend. I got an email from him this morning telling me he wouldn't have been able to see me today anyway. It came across as his idea. Whatever. He also asked, again, when he can call. I haven't responded.

Then there's his pictures. He looks old. I know that shouldn't matter, but it does - apparently. I showed them to a couple of friends of mine (including SCG - yes I told him everything . . . everything) and they all think he looks about 20 years older than I do. That's a problem for me, for so many reasons. But, a good friend and SCG both think I should still give him a chance. Why? I have no idea.

Meanwhile, I'm wondering what it will cost to have my home number and email address changed...

In Shock!

I told a friend of mine yesterday that I'd blog about an eHarmony discovery I made. I didn't blog about it last night because, well, I was re-reading old posts to see if I needed to delete and/or amend any posts before I gave it out to someone (from eHarmony) who'd trusted me with their myspace information. And well, since this has always been a "secret" blog, I've kind of been pretty open on it so I wasn't sure if I should give it out "as is", if you know what I mean. I read about a year's worth of posts and didn't see anything I thought was particularly bad (although I do know of one dated further back that I wouldn't necessarily show this person).

I didn't post this morning because I was too busy replying to an email from this person. But I'm here now.

Anyway, remember eHarmony match Don? The one I thought I might know? It is him! At each step I worried that he would close the match before I found out for certain but I decided that, no matter what, I had to be honest in my answers (although I did keep in mind that I might know this person). As things progressed I thought to myself that if it wasn't the Don I knew, it was a Don I thought I wanted to get to know. So either way, I didn't want the match to be closed.

Thing was, he always seemed to take a few days to respond to things so it seemed like it was really going slow. I guess I had posed some questions to him and was waiting on a response when he gave me a photo nudge without responding to the questions. I thought the match might get closed at that point because it seems to be pretty important to some of the guys on there. And in case I haven't mentioned it before, I put in my profile that I don't have a picture to post so if someone wanted to close a match based on that, it was okay with me because they wouldn't be a good fit for me anyway - words to that effect. My response, though, was to give him a photo nudge. He has photos posted but to be shown "at a later stage" (we've exchanged email addresses and I still can't see them!). I guess he got the message because he responded to the questions and we progressed from there.

At the open-ended questions phase, I asked him about his extended family and what holidays were like. I figured his answer would give me a better idea whether it was the Don I thought it was or not. I was all but convinced by his response but there was a sliver of doubt there. I asked a couple of friends of mine what they thought - whether I should ask him or not tell him I suspected I knew him. They didn't think I should ask but I felt it would be dishonest to not ask. I didn't want to play games. Figured the worst thing that would happen is he would close the match - without answering!

Since I've already mentioned that it is him and that we've exchanged email addresses, I think it's safe to assume he responded to me. It's been fun catching up with an old friend. It's been hysterical to hear how we viewed things that happened differently. I just found out yesterday that it was him but we've exchanged a couple of long emails and I guess it seems longer. Plus, it almost feels like no time has passed since we were last spoke (a hundred years ago!). It's just kind of weird but I can't stop smiling. :)

The blog about nothing

Remember the Seinfeld episode where Elaine invited George's girlfriend to the movie? George was upset because his two "worlds" were colliding. Well, I have a similar situation going on at work. See, I used to talk about my friends from law to my friends in engineering and vice versa. Then recently part of my group moved their offices down by law AND a friend of mine from law came upstairs to my area and met SCG. Worlds are colliding!!!

Speaking of work, things are not much better there and I'm picking up old habits. You know, of the eating-under-stress variety. I've gained ten pounds in the last month. I still went to Weight Watchers though (and had to pay) because I figured if I was having to pay for it, I'd get more motivated to get the weight back off.

And since we're talking about getting the weight back off, I should mention that I've been going to the gym the last few days (7-day free pass to 24-hour fitness gym). Water aerobics and yoga may look like wimpy classes but they both kicked my rear! The step-aerobic class I took this morning had less of an impact than they did. I'm thinking of joining for the summer, since I don't anticipate having a lot of time in the fall - what with school and all. The company I work for gets a good discount on memberships.

This online dating thing is going slow. I guess it was last weekend that I decided to take the bull by the horns and quit waiting for things to happen. I went through the 50+ "matches" that were open and either closed them or sent out questions. I've only heard back from two or three - one of which closed the match because they were pursuing another relationship. One of the ones I closed replied back that they thought we had potential and wanted me to reconsider. I re-read his profile and I only see two things that would have made me close the match - but one was a biggie. And there is one match who I think I may know:

Don is a 50 year old laboratory analyst - the age fits. We went to the same church (it's a huge church so that doesn't guarantee that I know him). He was married for 23 years when his wife passed away last year - which would be about right (length of marriage, that is) if it were who I think it is. He did mission work - again fits the man I know. Where he lives fits, as do his answers to my questions. He has pictures but they haven't been released for me to view yet so... Oh and if it is the guy I think it is, we went out once many, many years ago. I thought it was a "as friends" thing but, apparently, he thought it was a "date". We had a very nice time but he never "invited" me out like that again. After I married (anniversary was 25 years ago this past Wednesday), I saw him and he confessed to me that he'd had strong feelings for me. I don't think I ever suspected that but I do know that when he told me I'd wished I'd known at the time because he was such a good guy. Meanwhile, I'm just waiting for the time when I know for sure if this the same Don or not.

So, those are some things going on in my world. What's going on in yours?

Holiday Weekend

I'm so glad we have a long weekend this weekend. I brought home work because I have a 9:00 a.m. meeting on Tuesday and some things are going to be asked of me and I won't be able to give a thorough answer unless I do the work. But you know what, I don't care. I mean, who the heck schedules a meeting first thing in the morning on the first day back after a holiday? I'll be able to give a reasonably intelligent answer if I don't do the work, I just won't be able to answer ALL the questions that might come up. I've been working my tail off at work lately and I deserve the time off, so I'm taking it! I'm not working this weekend!!!

And I'm going to read as many books as time allows, starting with finishing Kasey Michael's latest, Dial M for Mischief.

I've also been playing a bit on the online dating sites I previously mentioned. eHarmony is having a free communication weekend. I had already been pretty well talked into officially joining, because someone pointed out to me that most men wouldn't pay for a membership if they weren't serious about it. There may a few scam artists out there who have paid, but not a lot. So, then eHarmony opens things up for four days. I was kind of reviewing the "matches" they've made and decided to be pretty open minded about it.

I received questions today from a man who is 51 (5 years older than me) and retired. His profile says something to the effect that he's thankful that money is not a problem for him. Then we go through the "guided communication" far enough to where he can send/ask more than the eHarmony system controls (initially you can only ask/tell things from a list provided by eHarmony). He mentions that he won't have his membership past Monday and gives me his email and home numbers - twice.

I looked back at his profile and notice that our "match" was made last night. I'm thinking that he only joined for the free communication weekend and may not be part of the "serious - I paid" crowd. I sent him an email (though the eHarmony system, and therefore somewhat anonymous) asking him when he joined or if he was just in for the free communication.

I'm thinking he's a "no".

What about you? Anyone have any big plans for the weekend?

Confession Time

Every Friday I pop over to the Killer Fiction Writer's blog and read the dating adventures of one Gemma Halliday. She's done the speed dating and the online dating and the blind dating and it just makes me want to be a bit more adventurous in that regard. I mean, I'm not looking to find "the one" to marry or anything but it would be nice to go out from time to time. I also have a friend who has done the online dating thing (which is the most scary to me in one way and least scary in another).

So anyway, a few days ago I decided to go to a couple of the online dating sites and create profiles. I wasn't officially a member of these services because no money had exchanged hands . . . that is until tonight. I joined one of them on a three day trial so that I could, er, check things out, for research purposes only, you understand. Yeah, that sounds good - research purposes.

Anyway, none of the services allow anything more than a "I'm interested/wink" type of communication unless you're a paid member. They will tell you that so-and-so wants to communicate with you but you can't respond. Well, on the first day I had a profile I received several "matches" and several with "communications". Of the "communications" most were wanting to close communication because they couldn't see pictures of me. I know men are visual people but still. I couldn't communicate back with them because, well, as I've been saying, I wasn't an official member. A couple wanted to communicate with questions. I could see their questions but couldn't respond for reasons stated above. Then I didn't log on for several days.

Even though I couldn't "communicate" with the men who wanted to close communication, I could close it from my end as well - just without a message. I decided to officially close out those who wrote me off because I didn't have pictures. And I noticed that the man who had sent questions had wanted to close communications for "other" (unidentified) reasons. I figure he was upset that I didn't respond to his questions (and guess he didn't know I couldn't) and decided I wasn't worth it. I closed that communication out as well. I was thinking strongly about it the other day anyway because well, his height was a bit of a problem for me - we're about the same height.

But, the guy who goes on the definite "close" list is the one who had this response to "last book you read":

A silly little historic romance (!?!). A charming story of how love triumphs over adversity. In it's defense...it was very well written for that type of book...some nice little hidden messages about being persistent in getting what you want out of life.

He posted questions for me which, well, I can't respond to. But wouldn't I love to tell him how offensive that comment was, as if romance books aren't well written.

Anyway, I have to confess something else here. I've never wanted to join an online dating service because, well, there's something about it that I don't like. It's kind of like this blog, a bit of a secret that few people know about me. It's not something I would tell many people I was doing so you can imagine how I felt when I was searching "who I matched" and came across someone I know...and work with!!! I didn't want to view his profile because it would tell him I had (although I don't have pictures or enough identifying information in the profile for him to know it's me) but curiosity got the better of me and I looked. Thing is, this man suggested we go out a few years ago. I mentioned that I was taking classes (I was at the time) and that certain evenings weren't open for me. Well, not only did he never ask me out, he told a mutual friend that I'd shot him down cold. We saw each other recently and he suggested that he wasn't interested in dating at all - yet he has a paid membership with an online dating service. I just find it interesting.

So, I have a three-day trial membership with an online service. Now, if I could only find a place to do the speed-dating thing...