The new "slut" dress

I have this dress that I love. It's a long black dress that buttons all the way down the front and is "fitted". I like the dress itself - the way it looks, the way it fits...everything.

Well, a few weeks ago I wore this dress to work. I'd been at the office a few minutes when I looked down and realized more cleavage was showing than I was comfortable with. Hadn't really ever noticed that before. Kind of made me a little self-conscious. A little while more had passed and another cleavage shot moment happened. On the third time, I realized the top button (or two) was unbuttoned. Fortunately I had gone in early that day so that if everyone in the office had gotten an eye full, it wasn't that many - because I realized it pretty early (thank goodness!).

Then today, I wore the dress again. I didn't go in early today so pretty much everyone was there when I looked down and was flashing the world again. Thing is, when that happens you don't know if it just came unbuttoned or if you've been flashing people since you left the house. So, I was already pretty self-conscious (who knew if my flashing was a once a day occurrence or if I'd repeat throughout the day) when I ran my hand down the back of my dress. (I sometimes do this self-consciously because I have a fear of having my dress stuck down the back of my panty-hose - yes I wear those! - and I feel better when my hand has a dress to go down, if you know what I mean.) Well, I had a finger "catch" on a HOLE in the dress in the back! It was a small hole but apparently my chest wasn't the only thing I was flashing. I'm thinking I need a new favorite dress. Maybe, instead of being called my "slut" dress, it should be called my peek-a-boo dress.

Here's to hoping there are no more unintentional flashes in my future. ;-)

Status Please

A number of years ago (shortly after my divorce was final) I had to fill out one of those forms which includes the question of "marital status". Well, as far as I'm concerned there are only two relevant options - married or single. That's it. Period. And I feel rather strongly about this. So, when I came to this question I marked "single" because, despite the fact that there was a "divorced" option, I was single. Didn't matter how I came to be that way...I.was.single.

Anyway, I get into the room with the Nazi nurse (oh yeah, it was a medical facility by the way) and she's looking over my form. She gets to that question and looks down her judgmental nose at me and says, "you've never been married?" with disgust present in her voice.

"Yes I have," I said. "But I'm single now."

"Divorced?" she asked.

"I don't see how that's relevant. I'm single."

We got into a very heated discussion about the "accuracy" of my responses. I challenged why it mattered and she spewed out some garbage about the health of a person based on their marital status. That resulted in me going off on a tangent about people who have been married more than once. One of my sisters had been widowed but was remarried. Did she need to check both boxes, I asked. And would someone like say, Elizabeth Taylor, have to put eight (or however many) X's next to married AND divorced? I also wanted to know about those that were unhappily married...why wasn't their a box slotted for them? On and on I went. In the end I admitted to being divorced but said that I WAS SINGLE!!!!! My little card came back with a WFD for white, female, DIVORCED. I was so pissed off.

Now, I'm looking at a form for my jury duty. It has the options of married, single, divorced or widowed. I'm having the same rebellious response to this question. I'M FRIGGIN' SINGLE!!!!! AND I LIKE IT! So leave me the @$%&*@ alone! I'm seriously considering marking through the divorced and widowed options and just marking single. Or just leaving it blank. I'm just a little worried either of those would come back to bite me in the backside though. But it's definitely pushing some of my buttons (or couldn't you tell?).

It's married or single people. There are no other options!!!!!

So that's one of my big pet peeves in life. What pushes your buttons?

Summons

Yesterday I retrieved my mail from my mail box to find I'm being called for jury duty. This is the third time in my life I've been called. The first time I received the summons on the Saturday before I was to appear on Monday. I had moved and it was just catching up to me. Since I'd moved out of the county, I was excused from service.

The second time came when I happened to be taking some college classes. Someone had asked me to take a class with them and rather than sign up for the one class, I took a full load. I'd planned on doing my duty until I realized it came during finals week and I really couldn't afford to be picked so I used the "student" exemption that time.

This time, I have no outs. I'm going to have to go. But I think it's funny that this would happen on the heels of reading a blog post about jury service and what not to do if you don't want to be picked. Guess I laughed too hard at the post. LOL

Actually, part of me would like to be picked, part of me wouldn't. So, I'm looking for ideas on how to get out of it, should the part of me that doesn't want to get picked shows up on D-Day. At the moment my only plan is to take my book How to Murder the Man of Your Dreams and display it prominently during the voir dire. What do you think?

I know I saw it...somewhere

Earlier this year I bought a Weight Watchers comfort food recipe book. It has some great (low point) recipes in it and I fully intended to make a list of ingredients I needed and purchase them at the grocery store and make all these wonderful new foods.

That's what I intended. What happened is I brought the book home and promptly lost it. I've been searching for it for several months now. I thought it was in my "office" room and have been digging through boxes in there (don't ask) for some time now, without success. It was getting to the point that I was considering the possibility that someone broke into my house for the sole purpose of stealing the recipe book. Not likely I know but what else could've happened?

Then fast forward to today. It's Veteran's Day and we had a little celebration at work for the veterans who work there, along with a couple of special guests, including a WWII veteran. It was really nice. Well, eleven years ago I was in an English class and had to write a paper on a veteran. A co-worker had referred me to a friend of hers and we were going to meet for ten minutes or so so that I could interview him for my paper. Well, ten minutes turned into about four hours (during business hours - oops). I remember him getting emotional and my taking notes. And I remember the final product but not writing it (although I do recall looking at my notes and thinking I needed to include something I'd written down). I was very proud of the final product and to this day it's the one thing I've written that I'm most proud of.

Anyway, since it was Veterans Day (and I had planned on meeting this person at the celebration but due to a mix-up we're having lunch together instead) I wanted to find the paper (yes, I still have it...somewhere). So this evening I went digging for it. Without success (although I found a draft copy of pages 1, 2 and 3).

However, following is a list of a few things I DID find:

1. A pair of smiley face underwear (who they belong(ed) to is anyone's guess).
2. Several paintings I did a number of years ago.
3. Some leftover author promotional items that I thought I had returned (oops).
4. A ton of books (I'm starting to think I might have a problem).
5. The 2006 Golden Heart entries I judged.
6. A book all about Leonardo DiCaprio (don't ask).
7. A letter I wrote to my ex-husband five days before we separated (I read it and I cannot believe I said the things I did in it - and I only remember the date we separated because it was my mother's birthday).
8. Notes, papers and tests from a bunch of my college classes.
9. A belt to a dress I can't quite fit into yet, but is my goal.
10. An erotic story I wrote a number of years ago.
11. A picture I had forgotten I had but never got framed. (I really need to because I really, really like it)
12. Performance evaluations from 1986.
13. Several letters of recommendation, including one from a company that shortly after they gave me the LOR, I left during lunch and never returned.
14. About ten copies of a resume and letter of recommendation on someone I worked with nine years ago.

and.....

15. The cookbook. Wanna know where I found it? On my nightstand!!!!! Yeah, because THAT's where all cookbooks should be kept. (Really makes me wonder where the heck this paper can be now...)

Anyway, if you enjoy your freedom, thank a vet. :-)

Stupid "Announcements"

Lately I've been reading things that just seem stupid. Periodically (monthly, quarterly? I have no idea) my work sends these newsletters about health related matters. This month's(?) newsletter was about diabetes. In one article it was said that one million people (I think that was the number) have diabetes but didn't know it. The thought that went through my head in the instant that I read that was "well you obviously know who they are so why don't you tell them?"

It's like the census poll. They'll say x number of people didn't report their information. If you know that, just add them. Not to mention, why is a poll being done if the numbers are already known? Seriously.

But I also love the cautions on items. For example, I heated up a microwave dinner for lunch today. The instructions tell you to 1) take it out of the box (were there people who would heat it up still in the box???), 2) ventilate; 3) cook on high for so many minutes; 4) remove from microvave (um, has this been an issue for people?); 5) remove plastic cover (okay, I want the names of the people that warranted this addition). Then it has a caution...It will be HOT. Really? No kidding! Learn something new every day.

Thing is you know they have to add all those things because someone did something stupid and there were probably lawsuits involved. But it just cracks me up.

So what about you...read anything lately that made you wonder why those details were necessary?

P.S. To answer a couple of questions recently asked in comments...No I didn't dress up for Halloween (I know, I'm a party pooper). And yes, I am doing some writing.
Thanks for asking. :-)

What's on your Mind?

I'm taking an online class right now (my first in a couple of years) on showing vs. telling. We've been given writing assignments that we're to post for the instructor (and other students) to comment on. Well, I told a friend (which I think most of you know in one way or another) about the class and she signed up with me. She's like the teacher's pet, turning in her assignments first and getting high praise from the teacher and other students. And then there's me...waiting until the last possible minute to turn in my homework, waiting for the instructor to ask "did you not understand the assignment?".

You see, I have this thing about people reading what I've written (yes, I know I have to get over that but does it help explain the secret blog at all?). Anyway, the assignment for yesterday (which we received on Thursday or Friday, and my friend, who went out of town this weekend still got hers in first) was to write a "flowery" scene and then rewrite it, tightening it up. I had a million ideas of what to write about and even started six or seven of them. What I ended up writing was a sex scene. A sex scene! Where that came from is anyone's guess...just something on my mind I guess. LOL

Inspired by Mel, I thought I would post what my local chapter does when they show up to support their friends at a book signing. (I figure it's okay to post here since a couple of the participants have posted it on their respective webpages.) Enjoy. :-)

And what's on your mind these days?

What DWTS and Writing have in common

I was watching Dancing with the Stars last Tuesday and was as surprised as anyone when they announced that Sabrina and Mark were going home. Now, I have to say that there was something about Sabrina that I just didn't like. I don't know what it was - I could never quite put my finger on it - but I just couldn't get behind her, even though I, like everyone else, had her pegged for the finals. I kept saying I wanted her to be gone but still, as I said, like everyone else, I was stunned. Despite how I felt about her personally, she didn't deserve to go.

So anyway, you're probably wondering what that has to do with writing. Well, I'll tell you. First of all let me say that I'm pretty easy when it comes to books. It has to be really bad for me not to find something good about it. I don't even so much mind predictable books if I'm on board with where they're going. However, I love it when things are shaken up by something that is so totally unexpected that you never saw it coming. That if you'd stretched your imagination it never would have gone where the author took you. But it works for the story, and the eventual conclusion.

Tuesday night's show was the unpredicted shake up that is taking the story somewhere else. Somewhere unexpected but in the end everything will turn out fine. (It is, after all, just a show. It's not like anyone's life is being ruined or anything.) But it got me to thinking about my writing. I don't want to be predictable. I want to shake things up and take the reader somewhere unexpected, but where they'll be pleasantly surprised. So that's what I'm working on.

And just think, if I wasn't a DWTS addict, I might never have had that little epiphany. ;-)

Adult Dress Up

In case I wasn't sure that I wanted to keep this blog a "secret" blog, I'm posting a picture that requires it remain secret. Super secret.

I work with this man who I've become friendly (not that kind of friendly...just friendly) with. We talk about personal stuff and I feel very comfortable around him (he knows about the romance writing stuff - I'll just say that).

Anyway, yesterday he was telling me about going to a Halloween party over the weekend. His wife had gotten him a pirate costume, which he refused to wear because it was too hokey or something. So he put on his cowboy hat and boots as his costume. He said he'd been mistaken for Kenny Chesney a few times in the past and figured that's who he'd go as. (Personally, I think he's a lot better looking than Kenny but I saw a picture of him dressed up as Kenny and I have to say, I saw the resemblance, big time!)

Well, someone (his wife maybe?) didn't like the get up so they dressed him up as a flapper (which makes me wonder how bad the pirate costume was...if he'd rather dress up as a woman!). In any event, I could only get him to send me one picture of him in costume. I don't think it's bad but some of the extra "hair" is slightly noticeable but I still have to say, it annoys me when men look better than women when they dress like women. (This wasn't the best picture he had of himself but it was the only one he emailed me so we have to work with what we've got. :-) )

Oh, and for those that may be keeping score...he was husband number one in my husband rating post. :) (And not that you can tell that much but in the second picture in this post, his is the back of the head you see.)

And why this ensures my blog remains a secret blog you may wonder? Well, I promised not to use the picture against him...at least at work. He doesn't know about my blog (so it can't count, right?) and neither does anyone I work with - or who would know him. But I so had to share. LOL

Back in the Saddle

I've been participating in this writing thing called 100 words a day for 100 days. The way it works is you only have to commit to writing 100 words a day - every day - for 100 days. If you miss a day you have to start back over at day one. The e-loop opened in June but I didn't start until after I got home from National (math issue - don't ask). The first time I got to day 25 or something like that before I went to bed without writing anything (I was soooooooooo upset with myself that time). The next couple of times I didn't get past day five before I fell out of sync, and I went long periods without writing anything again. And each time I started a different story (probably not a good idea but.....). I'm on like my eighth do-over now.

And today I started back up again. So day one down! Only ninety-nine more to go. :-)


In other news, my step-father sent me (snail mail) a copy of an article with his picture and a mention of him in it. It was a very sweet article and I went looking online for it...and found it. You can read it here. (He's on the far left in the picture playing guitar. :-) )

You Had Me At Halo

There is an author who occasionally "promotes" other authors' works. She does nothing more than say this book is out and then give the blurb, which suggests she may not actually be reading the books. At least that's the approach I take when I see a book "promoted" on her blog. Anyway, she recently had Amanda Ashby's debut book, you had me at halo (it's not capitalized on the cover either ;-) ). I thought the title was fun, the cover okay and the blurb "interesting". So I googled Ms. Ashby to find out more. I read the first chapter and wanted to read more, so I ordered the book. I read the whole thing this afternoon. It was fun. And sweet. It's one of those books where when you're done, you realize you have this big smile on your face because it's just that kind of book.

I will definitely keep an eye out for future books by Amanda Ashby.

And now, the blurb:

Holly Evans has just seen her body laid to rest. Now she would like to move onto the afterlife. But apparently she has some mortal baggage to unload first, starting with the matter of how she died. Her heavenly shrink isn't buying that she didn't kill herself and says she must return to earth to straighten things out. The thing is, she needs to borrow the body of computer geek Vince Murphy to do it. Oh, and although Vince was supposed to have vacated the premise, he apparently never got the memo.

Now, Holly has forty-eight hours to resolve her issues while sharing arms, legs, and...other things...with a guy she barely noticed while she was alive. But the real surprise is what life has to offer when you have only two days to live it.

Signed Epstein's Mother

Some of you may remember a show from the 70's called Welcome Back Kotter (it's was where John Travolta got his big break, playing Vinnie Barbarino). There was a character on the show named Epstein who always had these notes who had a note for everything, all that were signed "Epstein's Mother".

So, you're probably wondering why I'm showing my age and flashing back to a show that was on the air 30 years ago. Well, I'll tell you.

We're having gorgeous weather here. Gorgeous weather. And I don't want to go to work because it's just wrong to make someone go to work when it's so nice outside. We get a half a dozen perfect days like this a year and I have to spend my day cooped up in an office? Wrong I tell you! So I suggested that I might be *cough* sick tomorrow to a couple of people at work. (Yes, I know, not the best game plan to give your boss a heads' up that you're planning a sick day. On a Friday. When the weather's so perfect. And yes, I know that if I wake up tomorrow and find myself on death's door, I still gotta go in to work because no one would believe I was really sick.)

Anyway, I was surfing the net this evening and came across this article on the msn.com homepage. Apparently there's a market for Epstein's mother's notes, or at least a variation on the same theme. I thought it was hysterical...and maybe a sign. A sign that I'm supposed to take tomorrow off.

What do you think? Any suggestions on what the note to my boss from Epstein's mother should say? We have the whole weekend to come up with something creative. ;-)

Tagged!

Alyssa tagged me. I have to come up with eight "quirky, unusual and/or completely random" things about myself. Then I'm supposed to tag eight people (who I will have to let know I tagged them because I don't think I have eight regular visitors).

Here we go:

1. I served on a grievance committee for the Texas State Bar for a number of years. The preferred panel consisted of four attorneys and two non-attorneys. On my panel I was the lone non-attorney and on the last case we heard, I was solely responsible for saving an attorney's license to practice law. The attorneys on the panel all thought he should be permanently disbarred.
2. When I first started looking for a house almost seven years ago, I refused to look at houses that weren't carpeted throughout. A couple of years later I ripped up all the carpet in my new home and had tile laid.
3. I really like to do nice things to surprise people but I hate to be surprised myself...I like to know what's going to happen.
4. My idea of the perfect relationship is based on my favorite movie - When Harry Met Sally.
5. I saw Titanic in the movie theater five times (it was necessary...really). And then I pre-ordered it as soon as it was available for pre-order.
6. Until very recently (when I bought a book caddy and a bookshelf), I stored my books in my linen closet.
7. I worked as a professional temporary for ~ ten years by choice. I'd work three weeks and take a week off. I could pay my bills but little else but I have to say, having one week off a month was so worth it!
8. The thought of me ever getting married again scares the heck out of me. Just thinking about it possibly happening some day makes me hyperventilate - and I'm not even seeing anyone!

Okay, those are my weird secrets and since I've told you all, I'm probably going to have to kill you now. *sigh* Was it worth it?

And now for who I'm tagging.

The original Alphabet Girls (now known as Deadline Divas):
Honey
Ellen
Kristen
Aura

and non-DDs
Mel
Maria
Laura
Pam

Miscellany

I forgot to bring my lunch today and I deliberately didn't bring a book to read, since it was Weight Watchers' day. However, since I didn't want them to watch me eat the hamburger (I didn't get cheese *sigh*) and fries I bought in the cafeteria, I didn't stay for the meeting. Which gave me some time to do other things. Like read blogs. And maybe write one. :-)

So, I be-bopped over to the Killer Fiction blog (all links on the side-bar) and found out that they have you autograph your breast before they do surgery on it. I didn't know that. And I'm still waiting on a reply as to whether they have you do this pre or post-drugged up.

Then I visited the Deadline Divas. Ellen had a very eloquent post about writing and donuts. And now I just wish our cafeteria had a Krispy Kreme section, but maybe I'll have to settle for cookies. (Hey, I don't have to weigh for another week, right?)

I stopped back by (I say back by because I think she posted this yesterday?) Alyssa Goodnight's blog. She'd posted about reading the latest Harry Potter story (no spoilers please because she has been known to stop by here too). She made a comment of having one regular visitor who had never read a single HP book. I assumed she meant me until 75 more posts (okay I exaggerate, but I wasn't the only one!) came through saying they'd never read any either.

Then I went to Laura Drewry's blog. Did you know Hell has frozen over? I didn't but now I wonder if it has anything to do with our recent cold weather? It was still hitting the 90s as recently as last week here. (Can you say UGH?!) And now it's a pleasant (if not "cool") 60 or so.

And then, last night...did you see Dancing with the Stars? If not, this might be a bit of a spoiler, I'll just tell you that now. Anyway, Marie Osmond fainted while waiting for comments from the judges. It was really strange because she seemed to have all this extra energy after the dance and was laughing kind of manic-ly one minute and on the floor the next. They went to the longest break in the history of commercial breaks and came back and said she was okay. (They said her first words when she came to and saw everyone hovering over her was "oh crap". Poor thing.) Anyway, what I was going to say is that the show was barely over and I popped over to msn.com and saw that they'd already posted an article about it, complete with video coverage. She ended up in last place, with that billionaire...Mark Cuban - is that his name? I'm worried she will get voted off tonight because I had no problem calling in votes for her and Mark hasn't been in the bottom two since that first night, despite being in last place (or next to last place when Wayne was still in the competition) with the judges each week since.

Anyway, that's all this hamburgered/french fried brain can come up with for now. Have you discovered anything interesting recently?

Full Disclosure

Okay, I'm in a bit of a pissy mood so I want to do something to lighten things up, before I do (or say) something I will regret.

Having said that, I've been talking to a lot of men I work with, who happen to be married (and some that are not, actually), of their ideas about the wife's role (and theirs too, in some cases) in their marriage. And then I've been "ranking" them based on my idea of a good husband.

Husband number one said his wife was a stay-at-home wife because he "liked her to take care of things so he didn't have to deal with them." This could mean a lot of things but just on face value, I ranked him kinda low.

Husband number two said that his wife worked part-time, sort of. She does free-lance writing for the newspaper and also sells articles to magazines. I thought this was pretty cool until he told me that she spends too much time on it and it interferes with "family time" because he's "spoiled" and wants her to be available to him at all times. He was serious. He also made husband number one look a lot better.

Husband number three, whose wife works, said he shares responsibilities with his wife. He does most (if not all) of the cooking. I asked him if his wife was a stay-at-home wife if that would still be the case. He said it would be because he likes to cook. Move to the head of the class.

Husband number four is the husband from last weekend. The one who had his wife lifting heavy furniture one month after giving birth saying "it's okay, she's strong." Made husband number one look better but may or may not make husband number two look better. They may very well be even.

Husband number five transferred in from Singapore last December. He'd been here a couple of months before his wife was able to join him and shortly before she arrived he said - and I quote - "I can't wait for my wife to get down here, the laundry's really piling up." All I could think was she was one lucky woman...NOT! Pretty low on the list.

Then there were the husbands-to-be...not that they're engaged or even dating or anything, they will just be probably be married some day, unfortunately. Husband-to-be number one said he used to have a maid. He called her "mom". Then he went on to tell me that him and his roommate are somewhat "messy" individuals and tend to wait for the other to clean up. He considers it a great victory when his roommate gives in first. And there's some "lucky" woman out there that will commit her life to him someday.

The discussion with the other husband-to-be (number two) was more about kids than wives and involved husband number one. HTB#2 was in an accident last week (a ladder fell off a truck and hit his brand new - only driven twice - car dead on. he's okay but the car...not so much) and the three of us were talking about it. Husband number one said something about the car and I said something like, "this from the man who has more pictures of his car in his office than of his kids". HTB#2 said, "yeah, but it's a really cool car." They both lost points on that one.

Of course, this is all subjective and means nothing - for a lot of reasons (not to mention it was all done in fun). One, it's just my opinion. Two, what difference does my opinion make if I'm not the wife?

But it also made me wonder what other people think makes a good spouse? (Husband's opinions welcome too.) What things does your significant other do that makes you overlook the things that make you crazy? And what do they do that make you crazy?

Inquiring minds want to know. ;-)

P.S. Pissy mood gone! (For now anyway :-) )

Cold and flu season...or something else?

Yesterday I finished Jennifer O'Connell's Insider Dating. It's a story about a woman who decides to put together a network of women who will compile information, in an anonymous database, on the men they've dated so that other women can make informed decisions about who they date. While I enjoyed the book, I also learned something interesting.

One of the men had this thing where he would sneeze when he was horny. The heroine (and creator of the database) thought it was made up but told her friends about it. One of the friends explained how it was true that what happens in the nasal area is (or can be) directly related to the activity going on south of the border. It cracked me up. I thought it was made up for the story. I really did. I was going to post a blog about it without looking it up online, because it was too funny not to say something about it but I didn't want it to be proven untrue. But I couldn't stand it. In the end I finally broke down and googled it.

And you know what? Apparently it IS true! Something about the tissue and blood flow in each. They work the same and are (or can be) interrelated somehow. It's at times like this that being single sucks because I would so ask the man in my life about it but there's no discreet way to ask someone - a man - if it's true, that I know of. I mean, I have a number of good friends that are male but I just can't see myself asking one of them about this.

What I DO know, though, is that, I will never, ever hear a man sneeze again without wondering (and probably busting out laughing) if it's more than just a nose tickle. LOL

It's good to have friends

The company I work for has silent auctions twice a year to support charities. In the fall, it's for the United Way. In the spring, it's for Relay for Life. Each group/site can/does put up their own auction but anyone can bid on any of the auctions. Oh, and the auctions are staggered when they start and stop so that you can find an auction open for about a month and a half to two months, but typically the individual auctions run about two weeks or so.

Anyway, I recently bid (and won) a desk and a bookcase in an auction for a site across town. I had to pick it up from the person who donated it, who lives 50+ miles from me. Which is fine...I have a good friend who agreed to help me pick it up. Okay.

So, my friend picked me up this morning at 7:00 a.m. so we could go pick it up. We got there about 8:30 or so (we made one stop to pick up something from my friend's friend's house). Now, I should tell you that we found out that the furniture was purchased in Belgium. Packed up and shipped here, and made it in mint condition. This man and his wife (who we found out after the fact delivered a baby ONE MONTH AGO! when we asked why he'd let her help move furniture so soon after giving birth, his response was "it's okay, she's strong." Way down on the "good husband" competition [another story that I'll blog about soon] if you ask me!) loaded the furniture into my friend's truck. They gave us blankets to keep it from scratching, rope to tie it in (we couldn't close the thing...what do you call it? the tailgate? anyway...) and secured it safely for us and sent us on our way, all without causing any damage whatsoever to the furniture. My friend and I get back to my house, with it in tact, and promptly drop the desk out of the bed of the truck.

Actually the damage was minimal and on the back of the desk so I wasn't terribly upset, truth told. But then, we realized that we couldn't fit it through my garage door as it was. So we tried to lift the top off of it but only one side would come up so she started twisting it, which did a bit of damage. I looked at it and didn't say much because I knew I could glue it back and it would be fine. But we couldn't get it into the house. I finally went to get my neighbor to ask for help who promptly pulled off the pieces of wood that I'd planned on securing with glue, compromising the furniture even more.

Long story short, we finally got it disassembled enough to get it into the house but I really need to find the wood glue. Oh, and by the way, the desk is a lot bigger than it looked in the picture, which was part of the problem. But we got it in and assembled, which was the important thing, right?

Anyway, afterwards my friend decided that she wanted to trim back my trees and dig up the few remaining landscaping rocks I had left around my tree (I dug up most of them a long time ago and then ran out of steam and never finished it.) And you know, there are a lot of people who if they'd done that at my house, I would've been offended. But not this friend because I know she didn't mean anything bad by it. It was just cracking me up because she just makes herself at home here, and only good friends do that.

Which was the point of this blog...it's good to have good friends. :-)

Because Alyssa Asked

Alyssa said she wanted to hear about my dreams about the man in the picture from our Bosses' Day Celebration, so I'm going to tell you. I just want to point out though that this type of post is the reason that few people know about this blog because, this isn't something I would tell everyone. And, in fact, it may be necessary for me to enter the blog-relocation-program after I post this, but I'm going to do it anyway. Because I was asked to. ;-)

Okay, the first dream I had about him (his name is Tom) occurred right after our department's audit had been cancelled, shortly after the first of the year. We were both on the audit team (along with the man who is sitting a bit away from the table...Richard). We learned a lot along the way and we were all doing so much and it was a very busy time. And then we were told it was cancelled - postponed actually, but cancelled for then. Richard kept saying we'd have a celebratory lunch and stuff. He talked about awards and roasts (he's good at that sort of thing). I thought there would be some sort of recognition and if there was, I wasn't included in it. But in any event, that's the backstory for this dream...

In the dream, we were having our celebratory luncheon, only we had to organize it and set it up ourselves. We were setting up the tables...they were gorgeous with nice table cloths and great center pieces. Then I saw this oversized set of teeth in the middle of the table. You know, kind of like the joke teeth that have a wind-up key you use to make them chatter? Only they didn't have the wind-up key. And they were really standing out on the otherwise elegant table. I muttered something to myself like "what the heck are those" and went to grab them off the table. Tom yells at me to leave them alone...they're his! I was stunned and couldn't believe he'd want them on the table and said so. Then he pointed out that they were an exact replica of his own teeth and then he smiled. And they were. And he thought it was some kind of award and was very proud of them. And then I woke up.

That's the dream that I've told everyone at work and they all got a kick out of it (but think I have weird dreams). It's the other dream that my force the relocation thing...

I haven't told this dream to a single, solitary person. But for some reason, I have less of a problem posting it on a public blog. What does that say about me? Wait, don't answer that!

The back-up to this dream is that Tom's office is across the hall from mine, a couple of offices down. If you walk straight out his office door, you're standing at the water cooler. That's it. That's the whole set up.

Okay.

So, in the dream, I was walking out of my office for some reason. At the same time, Tom was walking out of his office with some lady. They stood next to the water cooler and talked for a few minutes. But, while they stood there talking, Tom's pants fell down and either he doesn't wear underwear or else they fell down too because he was...exposed. And I was mesmerized. I was just staring. Stunned. And wondering why no one else seemed to notice that his pants are around his ankles and he's just dangling there. Literally. I couldn't move. I just stood there, looking...there. The two of them continued to talk and suddenly he wasn't "dangling" so much anymore, if you know what I mean. Then he was dangling less and less...and less, until there wasn't anything dangling about him. And my gaze never waivered. And they both still seemed oblivious. I was basically drooling, because, at least in my dreams, he's very well-endowed. I'm just saying. Anyway, that was basically the whole dream and I woke up with a start and was embarrassed. I could barely face him for a couple of weeks after that. But, the thing that really got me was, the very next day, I was walking to my office after lunch and as I approached my office, he stepped out of his office...with some woman. And they stopped to talk beside the water cooler. I swear, I froze in place, unable to move. I probably stood there in the same place for thirty seconds...just staring. Unfortunately that's where any resemblance to my dream ended. His pants stayed up and any images of his "endowment" have only been seen in my dreams. But at least there is that. ;-)

Okay, so there you go. Those are the dreams I've had about this man.

Now, I just have to find a new place to blog..... ;-)

Great Advertising

This Commercial came on during Dancing with the Stars tonight. I'd never seen it before but it's my new favorite commercial. Too funny!

Finally Pictures!

I finally have pictures of our Bosses' day celebration. I only have a few to post today but you get to see the transformation of the bosses. :-)

Here's the before (minus one player - who became Sonny later):

And here's the after:

From right to left we have: Marilyn Monroe (anyone recognize the boa she's wearing? got that at the RWAOL party in Dallas LOL), Jeff Bagwell, Sonny, Cher, Elvis (I was kind of disappointed we didn't have the big hair but oh well), Dean Martin, Bill Gates and Donald Trump. (The woman on the end was our MC, another staff support.) The video showing in the background was supposed to be played while the celebrities were getting dressed but because of the technical difficulties we had, we were behind on the videos. (Totally unrelated...see the guy leaning on the table? I've had some really "interesting" dreams about him. And I'll leave it at that, for now.)

And now, a couple of close-ups of the celebrities, in the "green room":

The man on the left (Donald Trump - his hair was not that yellow in person) is the VP of our organization. Elvis is our department head.

Sonny (who, for the record, is completely bald underneath that wig) is a team leader and Cher is my boss.

It was a lot of fun and they were all good sports. :-)

Great hooks

I recently volunteered to be a judge for a contest to help out a friend. I printed out the entries I'm slated to judge (the contest is all "electronic" but I have to hold something to really be able to read it - and a laptop doesn't count) and read my first entry yesterday afternoon.

Now, I should preface this by saying I often forget to point out the positive things when I'm judging or critiquing. I mostly point out the areas that are confusing to me, are not consistent or where typos are involved. It's not that I don't find things that are really good and strong in a story, it's just that I usually forget to point those things out. (Bad Lucy!)

So anyway, I'm reading my first entry and the first sentence (which is also the whole first paragraph) is great. We're talking great hook, great opening, made me excited to want to read more, kind of first sentence. Really, really good. So good that I actually remembered to make a note of it on the contest entry.

And that's where it stopped being good. I literally had to read the second paragraph about five times to understand what the author was trying to say, and even then I wanted to change it - dramatically. In fact, it could have been eliminated altogether, in my opinion.

This was followed by a page or so of - in my opinion - unnecessary backstory stuff. And then we get back into the story, where I read another page or two before it dawned on me...nothing after the first sentence is in any way, shape or form, connected to the first sentence. The wonderful, perfect sentence that had me excited for more didn't really seem to fit in the story that was unfolding. I made note of that on the entry - where in the story it dawned on me that the story was not connected to the opening sentence.

I finished reading the entry and never did find anything to connect the unfolding story to the first sentence. It was kind of strange to me.

I've heard that you only get a few lines (to paragraphs) to hook your reader, and if you don't, you've lost them forever. I've also heard that whatever you promise in the opening lines (paragraphs) you better deliver, or else expect the same result of the hook.

This entry definitely hooked me with the first line but I was so disappointed that it didn't follow through on the promise it made with that first line. Fortunately that's not part of the judging criteria. However, it does ask you to judge if the story, as presented, can sustain a novel (or something like that). I had to say that it was really hard to tell, based on what was submitted. This is one (and I made this comment too) that I would have liked to either read more or read a synopsis on because I couldn't tell anything about where it was going. We had to judge the "chemistry" of the hero and heroine (even if they hadn't met yet) as well. There was only one male mentioned in the entry and the interaction between him and the heroine was the equivalent of a bartender in a bar saying "here's your drink ma'am," and having no further contact with the heroine. I have to assume he's NOT the hero (meaning the hero wasn't even introduced in the entry), and if he is, there wasn't enough there to form an opinion.

Anyway, I guess the bottom line (or the point of this post) is, hooks are great but they need to relate to your story, otherwise you're just throwing unrelated one-liners into your story. They might be good. They might be funny. But if they take your reader out of the story, or kill their enthusiasm for the story, then they're not really doing their job, now are they?