I really am a flight girl!

Your Response is: Flight

You rather leave than deal with a dangerous or uncomfortable situation. You can't deal with too much drama or stress. It's really hard for you to cope. You are easily scared, freaked out, or intimidated. And while it's good to be prudent, not everything may be as freaky as it seems!

How Do You Respond: Fight or Flight?

Fight or Flight?

I'm not a confrontational type of person. If something bothers me, I usually won't say anything - I hold it in, thinking the situation will get better or right itself somehow. It takes a lot for me to "unburden" myself of my frustrations - to the point of when I do finally "snap", the person on the receiving end is probably thinking I'm some sort of psycho because whatever it was that pushed me over the edge was something they'd been doing for forever.

Yeah, I'm one of those people.

So, in that regard, I guess I'm a flight girl. I don't really like that about myself but it's something I know about myself.

But then, I learned something about myself this week. I guess I already knew it but it was really brought home to me in this situation.

Secret Crush Guy (SCG) and I had a little "situation" this week. And in case I haven't mentioned it here, mine and SCG's relationship has become one of close friends. There's no more of the awkwardness because I have inappropriate feelings for him, because those feelings are - not gone but re-channeled, for lack of a better word. He's among the top five closest friends I've ever had, and it's not one-sided and I feel comfortable with it because his wife is a part of the equation - we've become friends too. Everything's out in the open and there are no secrets (well, except that I once lusted after her husband but then again, that was never out in the open to SCG either so...).

But back to the situation. We usually walk out together after work - or at the very least, stop by the other's office to tell them we're leaving . . . without them. Yesterday he was in an all day meeting and was taking today off so I totally expected him to slip out as soon as his meeting was over - but I still expected him to tell me he was leaving. Only he didn't. It's not a big deal or anything but I was kind of surprised, especially since he was going to be out today. So, I sent him a text message that said "I cannot believe you ditched me!!!"

He responded with "I dont want to tell you the details. You may not forgive me." *typos are his

I immediately called him up and said I wanted the details. He laughed and said he was meeting Brenda at Pappadeaux for drinks.

Now, I know that doesn't sound like a big deal but it was like a knife to my heart. Let me start off by saying, I don't care who he is friends with - I honestly don't. It's none of my business. Ditto for what he does with those friends. What bothered me was I really cannot stand Brenda and he knows that. (For what it's worth, he's not particularly a fan of hers either, which I think played into my reaction as well.) We've also - recently - talked about going out for drinks after work but he's commented that he's a big flirt and a tease when he drinks (which of course is what I want to see in action because I think it would be hysterical - not because I want that directed at me . . . his wife is an invited guest to the event, should it ever happen) and I think he's afraid he would embarrass himself too much. Anyway, I knew there was more to the story than what he'd told me but I was upset because he would use her and drinking to get a rise out of me - which is what he wanted to do. So in essence, he deliberately upset me, which is why I was so upset. I seriously thought I was going to start bawling on the phone so I told him I was going to hang up "now". He laughed again and I said bye and he started saying something as I hung up on him.

It took long enough for him to realize I'd hung up and for him to dial me back up before my phone rang. I clicked on "ignore" and deleted the message he left without listening to it - which I've never done before, by the way. He sent me another text that said "I was tearing you. We are having our project management conference dinner. Cant believe you hung up!" *again, typos are his and it took me awhile to realize "tearing" was supposed to be teasing!

I didn't respond. He called again but didn't leave a message that time.

I was upset all night and then had bad dreams about it. I know it doesn't seem like a lot but it really bothered me. Anyway, he called me first thing this morning. I decided to take the call and just said Hello. He said, "What's your problem?" Now, I should point out that he said it more in a playful voice but given the circumstances, it wasn't funny to me - at all. In fact, I had that "I'm going to start bawling" feeling again. So I took a deep breath and said, "Wow. Nice way to start the conversation." He laughed. It still wasn't going over well with me so I said, "I'm going to hang up now." He asked me something about why I was hanging up on him and I took another deep breath and said I didn't want to talk to him just then. He asked why. I said bye and I hung up.

And here's the deal. I was in flight mode. Not just from the confrontation but I was also checking out of the friendship - completely. Last night when I went to bed I was thinking it was the end of our friendship - that's how hurt I was - and is why I think I had the bad dreams. I woke up this morning deciding that, in fairness to him, we needed to talk about it - which is why I took his call. But then his opening comment . . . well, I already told you how that went. I immediately went into flight mode again - from the confrontation and from the friendship. I was going to let the weekend pass without contacting him but I talked to a mutual friend of ours and she said she thought our friendship was good enough but if I waited too long, irreparable damage could be done. She didn't think I should wait over the weekend to contact him. So I texted him and said "Shorthand version-not mad you just really hurt my feelings by deliberate actions-deliberate being the key word. didn't want to cry so hung up." He responded with "Sorry. It was meant as tease. I would never deliberately hurt your feelings."

Okay, I know he wouldn't deliberately hurt my feelings. I know that. I also knew he was teasing me. It was just that his actions were deliberate, and he did want a reaction from me - just not the one I gave him.

Anyway, there has been no further communication because I had to take the dogs to the vet and I didn't have another opportunity but I still feel like our friendship took a hard hit. But I'm really stunned that my reaction was (and, to be honest, still kind of is) a flight one because he really is a good friend of mine. I think one of the problems is he's an "instant" communicator. He's told me that him and his wife leave nothing unsaid - and I think that played a part in his wanting to talk about this but I don't work like that. Me? I need time to regroup. I have to think on things a while so that I don't blurt out the first thing that comes to mind because those are the things that are only meant for that one split second that you're saying them but can really do irreparable damage to the relationship. You know what I mean? So I guess that's what I'm fleeing. I don't want to have the conversation. Hmm, guess I probably need to get over that, if I want to save the friendship.

What about you? Do you fight or (take) flight? Not just in confrontations but in relationships. Inquiring minds want to know.

My first meeting

Okay, so you know that it took an online dating service for me to reconnect with a long lost friend (who I went out with once before a hundred years ago). Well, we finally met up a week ago Monday night. The following day, my good friend (SCG) brought me this:




I started on the hard liquor before he started talking but aside from that, that's EXACTLY how my date went. The sad thing is, I'm not even kidding.

So, no romantic connection is in the future for us but hey, I won't count out that we might go out as friends again. Oh, and P.S. Today is his birthday.

Conference

Well, I got back last evening from conference and I was exhausted. I'm finally getting my energy back this evening. And in a good news/bad news kind of thing, I also get tomorrow off to further recuperate - Tropical Storm Edouard is expected to pass over us tomorrow so the site has closed for tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm going to try to get as much as I can about conference in this post, pictures and additional details may follow in future posts though. I'll start by saying that after Atlanta, I posted a list of things I'd learned in Atlanta and I just have to say that, when you have the same roommate, some of the things continue to hold true. That's all I'm saying.

Okay, so, I left home Saturday morning, dropped the dogs off at the kennel and headed towards the airport. When I got to the parking lot to leave my car, I was told that valet parking was all that was available. They said it was the same price as me parking the car so I said fine. Wasn't crazy about leaving my keys with someone who knew I was going to be gone eight days (I had to tell them that). I wrote down my mileage (and thanked God that I'd told my neighbor that no matter what he was told - I was NOT moving last week!) and got on the bus to the airport.

You know how you send your purse through the x-ray machine? Well, any time they run it through several times, it's not a good thing. I have a metal nail file I'd forgotten to take out (remembered on the return trip though - yes they let me keep it, which surprised me) that has a sharp point to it. When they asked me what I had in my purse with a sharp point, I told them my nail file. They picked it up with two fingers (well a finger and a thumb) and carried it over to this table where they proceeded to wipe it down so they could test it for bomb components residue (I asked). When the test came up negative (big surprise there HA! although I freaked a little when the alarm on the machine went off - obviously indicating an all clear), they gingerly (two fingered again) unzipped the area I told them held the offending nail file, made a visual and then released me to go - file intact.

Caught my flight and sat next to a man who told me a story of how the last time he went home (he lives in Washington but was working in Houston), his neighbor died in his arms. I didn't know what to say to that, but of course he didn't wait for one, and instead told me - in great detail - how it all happened. Now, I won't bore you all with the details but I just want to say that, in the end, his neighbor is alive and well but apparently has medical issues.

I made it to SF and caught the shuttle bus to the B&B I stayed at the first part of the week. It's a very nice B&B and gave me a visual and lots of info on how a B&B can work. Considering one of my stories is set in a B&B, I consider that a good thing - a very good thing.

Gabrielle arrived later that evening and she and her friend, Tamara, drove me around SF, including the Golden Gate Bridge (GGB). I whipped out my camera to get a night time shot of the GGB, only to get a great shot of the back of Gabrielle's head. I'm good with a camera like that. When I tried to get a second shot of the bridge, the battery was dead. *sigh* We drove around some more and then headed back to the B&B.

I should point out that the B&B had four guests rooms and only two bathrooms. That first night there and the next morning proved to be interesting in the way of getting to actually use the bathrooms. Kind of comical in the way of doors opening and closing and peeking out to see if it was "free".

That night I had a bizarre dream that involved my co-workers and bad people. In the dream I was standing across the street from my house with the bad man chasing me. My neighbor's garage door and front door were open so I thought if I called out to him, he could save me from the bad man. Well, you know how when you try to scream out in a dream but nothing will come out? That wasn't really a problem in my dream. I mean, it was a little choked out but it was still a pretty darn loud scream of "MARTIN, HELP!!!!" I woke up with a start, then realizing that I'd actually screamed out loud, I froze, waiting to see if I'd woken Gabrielle up. I sat there for a couple of minutes and she didn't move or show any signs of having heard me. Then I realized, while she might be a heavy sleeper, the other guests of the B&B might not be so I strained to hear any activity in the rest of the house. Nothing. No one was coming to save me from the bad guys. Which, since I wasn't really in jeopardy, was okay - I'm glad I didn't wake anyone. On the other hand, what if I had really been in trouble? I would've been so screwed - and not in a good way. Just saying.

Anyway, the next morning we got up to a wonderful breakfast and headed out to see the sights. We went into town and got a week-long bus pass, which pretty much covered all methods of transportation in SF. We took a trolley down to Fisherman's Wharf and spent the afternoon (along with a good amount of money) walking around there. The camera ran out of space before long and I started deleting shots that I couldn't really tell what they were. (Seeing what I have left, I may have deleted the wrong ones. *sigh*) Oh, and we saw the Naked Cowboy. He was on one side of the street, while on the other, someone was preaching the hell, fire and brimstone speech. It was kind of interesting.

We caught a couple of buses and made our way back towards the B&B, but not before stopping by a little coffee shop around the corner, where we discovered they had internet and food. The quiche looked good to me so I had them give me one to go because I wasn't hungry at that moment. (I ended up giving it to the host at the B&B before we left because, well, turns out there isn't a microwave at the B&B, not to mention, I was never hungry in the evening when it would have been convenient to eat it. It looked really good though.)

We didn't have any issues with the bathroom that night - or the next morning for that matter. One lady and a couple had checked out but another couple and another lady had checked in. The next morning I went upstairs to take my shower and came across the new lady. I just said hello in passing on the way to the bathroom but on the way out, she stopped me. Turns out she was there for the conference as well. A nice lady from Canada. She has some sightseeing she wanted to do and it worked out well because Gabrielle was wanting to take a break from all the walking, plus she wanted to do some writing. However, the three of us took a bus to town and Heather Ann (the other guest) and I deposited Gabrielle at Borders while we went on the Victorian Homes tour. (Very nice tour, by the way. We saw the house where Mrs. Doubtfire was filmed. It was interesting to find out that all the house scenes were filmed inside that house - with the exception of the kitchen scenes, and only because the kitchen wasn't big enough to fit the camera equipment inside it and the owner wasn't willing to let their walls be knocked down. They were, however, willing to let farm animals be brought in for the party scene!) I whipped out my camera to show a picture of the Naked Cowboy to Heather Ann only to discover that my camera battery was dead - again. I purchased a disposable camera at that point and gave up on my digital for the remainder of the trip.

Afterwards, Heather Ann and I collected Gabrielle and had lunch at Lori's Diner. We left there and took a bus to Coit Tower and then worked our way down through a quaint little neighborhood and saw the wild parrots flying overhead.

The next day, Gabrielle was on a roll and wanted to do some more writing to Heather Ann and I headed out. We went first to Haight and Asbury. We spent some time there and got hit up for money and asked to sign a petition to help the homeless.

From there we went to Golden Gate Park where we walked around for what seemed like forever (we later looked at the map and discovered we hadn't seen one quarter of the park!) and ended up at the Conservatory. We walked around there for a while and then caught a bus to the GGB (by the way, if you need directions in SF, just open a city map and people will come to you and offer directions). Having been told we could catch a bus on the other side, we walked across the GGB, only to find that no one seemed to know anything about where we might catch that bus on the other side. Several calls and many attempts to stop taxis later, we found the bus and rode into Sausalito. We walked around the town (cute town, by the way) and then caught the ferry back.

We made our way back to the B&B where we all agreed we were exhausted. But, I wanted a margarita so Gabrielle went online and located a place that sounded good for a margarita. So we walked the 20 miles uphill (both ways) to the margarita place, only to discover that they didn't have the strawberry margarita I wanted - so I had water instead. Yeah, I know, how do you go from a margarita to water, I don't know - but it isn't the first time that's happened. We still had a good time though.

Wednesday we (Gabrielle and I - Heather Ann stayed at the B&B for the duration) checked out of the B&B and headed over to the hotel - first thing. And by first thing, I mean around 9:30 a.m. Unfortunately our room wasn't ready until almost 3:00 p.m. Ugh!

Anyway, once we finally got in our room, we got ready for the Literacy Signing. (You know, I'm wondering now if we did something I can't remember because we were actually late to the signing.) By this point, our third roommate, Linda Carol, had joined us. I had a plan. . . you see, I was the official stalker of the conference this year.

I headed straight over to Amanda Ashby and introduced myself as her official stalker (she'd actually known about it for months - I was just making it official at the signing). She offered me a Tim Tam and well, despite what I'd previously heard, they are the best chocolate I've ever had. Let me just say, if I hadn't already committed to stalking her, that would have done it. OMG they're so good.

I was working the signing so I hung around to the end. I don't want to bad mouth anyone but um, the clean up was handled completely differently this year and it wasn't the most organized thing I've ever seen. This may have been my last year to volunteer for that.

That was followed up by the RWAOnline Chapter party, where I beelined for (and therefore ate more) Tim Tams.

Thursday morning, Linda Carol and I took a bus up to Twin Peaks. We got back just in time for the luncheon. You know, I had never read Victoria Alexander, but I will now! OMG that woman is hysterical. A few days later I ran across someone trying to find the goody room. It sounded like a good idea to check it out again so I offered to walk with her there. I hadn't realized who it was at the time but it was Victoria Alexander. Very nice lady.

Anyway, Thursday I either did workshops or book signings - maybe both, I'd have to check. That evening, I went to the Diva Dinner. It was a lot of fun. Met a lot of fun, interesting people. :)

Friday was filled with workshops and book signings. That evening I went to a party hosted by a Houston writer. Had a lot of fun.

Saturday was more workshops and book signings - plus, I finally got my margarita! The awards ceremony was fun, followed by dessert and a visit to the bar (no drink for me though) before I went to bed to get a couple of hours sleep before I had to get up to catch the shuttle bus back to the airport (left at 4:25 a.m. - and the lines at the airport were surprising LONG! at that hour).

Went to pick up my babies before I headed home, where I promptly became a couch potato, until about an hour ago, when I started this post. :)

I took today off and, as I said, get tomorrow off as well. All in all, a good conference. :)